Meat Hunter Online

“Hey, Aquabrain, get over here!”

“Whatchu want, motherfucker? Gonna blow me up with an RPG again?”

*KABOOM*

“Eyyyyyyyup.”

And the rest of my pals laughed at my retarded friend’s plight.

“Holy shit, he just ran and went!”

“It’s like they channeled a damn fucking comedy show!”

“GAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Such was one of the things that we did and enjoyed while playing Meat Hunter Online, the multiplayer version of a famous virtual reality wide-open sandbox game, Meat Hunter. In the world of Meat Hunter, chaos reigned like in its single player version. Crime and violence were rampant, and we milked all the black comedy and steaming hot pleasures that we could get as much as we could. For us, it was a good way to relieve ourselves from the annoyances of the outside world.

Of course, we weren’t going to do crime in the outside world. That would be a freaking hassle for us, and we wouldn’t be able to do stuff we want to do, like playing more video games, getting girls, getting laid, and making music. Steaming hot sex with steaming hot girls, playing awesome video games with my friends, and making and playing face-melting rock and roll…they were pretty much the stuff that we wanted the most in our crappy college lives.

“Aquabrain, make sure you have your head on properly before you respawn, ’cause you forget to do it every time we hang out!” I shouted at my friend’s corpse, which was more than a hundred storeys below us.

Again, the rest of my friends laughed. Aquabrain was the butt monkey of our crew because of his hilariously high-pitched voice and hilarious stupidity and perversion that borders on insanity. In-game, he looks like a masked serial killer in black and blue, and his in-game image is emphasized by his memorable voice.

“Hey, retard! If you need help, here’s a booger that I just picked! Maybe it can help in keeping your head between your shoulders! Oh, and your other head might need that booger since it looks like it’s gonna fall off after all your wanking!”

Then, there was Cougar. He was our go-to guy when it came to picking up girls, and manliness was a thing that he liked to talk about very very much. He also has a vulgar sense of humor, which he shows a lot whenever he’s with us. Despite the name, his in-game appearance is a guy wearing a black business suit and a cow mask.

“Hey, Cougar…what’s wanking?”

We suddenly had another burst of laughter after hearing our “kid” friend say that line. His name was Billy Burstfire, and he was the pseudo-kiddie member of our group, as he had the ability to turn his voice into a high, childlike voice without the support of a voice modifier. When he plays games in multiplayer, he often uses his childlike voice to mess around while interacting with other players. His in-game appearance is a guy wearing a white shirt, red shorts, red slippers, and a teddy bear head.

“Goddammit,” Cougar said as he tried to catch his breath, “Billy and that fucking stupid voice of yours…ahahaha…”

“I asked that question with that voice so many times to so many people while I was wandering around this game,” Billy mirthfully replied with his normal, mid-high voice, “And they were all freaking out and swearing so fucking much!”

“Yeah, yeah, we know that, Billy…ahahaha…” I said while I held my sides as I was on my knees.

“Yo…Kinshi…” Cougar added as he kept on gasping for air, “You know…any more…glitches…in this game…?”

“Meh, I don’t have any ideas right now,” I replied as I stood up. “Anyway, you still wanna keep on messing around?”

“Hell yeah, man!” Cougar, who had fully recovered, shouted with a middle finger high up in the air. “This is damn freaking virtual reality, and there’s so many shit that we need to do! Like VR sex! Oh yeah, I wanna go to the strip club again!”

“Hell yeah, alright!”

“To the strip club~ To the strip club~”

As we left our butt monkey friend to follow us to the strip club all by himself, the three of us stood and prepared our parachute packs near the edge of the skyscraper roof where we were standing on.

Yet again, I decided to make a hilarious scene out of what we were doing. I’m the hawk-masked Kinshi, the super prankster of the group. Making hilarity out of situations was something that I specialized in, and boy, did our group find so much fun out of my skills.

“What’s up, all you manly soldiers here?” I started with a very loud and energetic voice. “We all have a mission, and do you know what that mission is?”

“Go to the strip club!” Billy replied with his childish voice.

“And bang some hotties!” Cougar roared while he wiggled his fingers.

“Aaaaaaalright, soldiers! Good that you understand! But first, we need to jump off this building, land with style, and ride wild towards the club! Billy, you go first!”

And then I kicked Billy off the roof with a roundhouse kick.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaa…”

He screamed with his childlike voice as he fell, and Cougar and I laughed at how he reacted to my kick.

“Cougar! Show us your manly skydiving skills!”

“Oh, fuck yeah, I will! Feast your eyes on this hotness, all the hot women in the world! Whooooooooo~hooooooooooooo!”

And Cougar jumped off, doing multiple spins and flips in the air as he fell. As I thought that what he was doing wasn’t hilarious enough, I decided to take out my rocket launcher.

“Yo, Cougar, are those the manliest tricks that you can do?”

I launched a rocket after saying that.

“Haha, fuck you, Kinshi, it’s hard to dodge rockets while flying in the ai–*KABOOM*”

The manly Cougar exploded spectacularly after being kissed by the raging rocket. I decided to give him a salute for being a part of the creation of such a spectacular explosion.

After creating those hilarious scenes, I prepared to jump off…

[Attention, all players of Meat Hunter Online.]

And I would have jumped off if it weren’t for that deep and robotic voice.

[Attention, all players. Attention, all players. I, the creator of this game, have an important announcement for all of you.]

While I heard that voice, I suddenly felt like something was wrong with the place. The noise of cars, weapons, and even the wind suddenly went quiet, leaving the noise of the probably confused people around and below me.

I suddenly felt like something really bad was going to happen. And I felt like it was gonna be a very familiar situation, too.

[Several minutes ago, I have activated major adjustments in this game.]

Yup, it’s starting to feel very very familiar. I think it was something like some story from two centuries ago, back when VR tech for video games was growing? Tch, whatever, I needed to listen to this announcement carefully for now.

[These major adjustments will make a more realistic gaming experience for all of you players.]

My stomach suddenly felt like it was twisting and turning as a sinking feeling dragged it down.

[With the activation of these adjustments, the logout method has changed.]

“Don’t tell me that you’re going to say what I think you’re going to say…” I muttered as I opened the menu.

[The only ways for a player to logout are…]

My fears grew bigger when I saw my menu.

[…to defeat me, the boss of this world…]

I didn’t want to believe what the creator was going to say next. I don’t want to believe it.

[…or to die, which will cause your death in the real world. Oh, and removing your VR helmets will cause your death as well, as the helmets have high-powered microwaves built to fry your brain when they are removed within these conditions.]

Shit. I knew it. The situation that all VR tech makers, VR video game developers, and avid video gamers feared is happening.

[With the help of the virtual reality technology where this game operates, your in-game appearances will be changed to your appearances in real life.]

It’s a Sword Art Online situation, and shit, we’re trapped.

And fucking hell, it looks like I murdered my friends as well.

“Goddammit, goddammit, GODDAMMIT! Shit, shit, SHIT! Fucking fuck, FUCK!”

I didn’t want this happen, we were here just for fun, we didn’t want a death game, I didn’t want my friends to actually die, I just wanted to have fun, dammit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit, dammit, fuck…We just wanted to have some fun in these crappy lives of ours, we wanted to get out of all those fucking school work, we wanted to be free from our annoying parents and teachers, we don’t want to die, we just want to have fun, why is this happening, why why WHY?

This is just a dream. This is probably just a dream, right? If I just reset myself, I’d probably be alright, right? I’d meet my friends again, right? We’ll all be together again, and we can have all the fun we want, kill each other for fun, bang strippers for fun, and have fun all night long…haha…haha…This is probably a prank. Yeah, this is probably a prank. Haha…I know a prank when I see one…

The menu…reset, reset…oh yeah, resetting means shooting yourself in the head, and it costs five hundred dollars…Do I have enough cash? Yeah, I have enough cash…Tap that…Pull out a gun…Point it at my head…Pull the trigger…


The Woodflame mansion was greeted by a loud buzz as its family members except Clearvane, the eldest child, ate dinner together at the table. As for why Clearvane was not with his family at the dinner table, the Woodflame family members decided not to disturb their sleeping fellow family member who had been doing an impressive job of keeping the family business working well despite some troublesome aspects of his personality. As for the loud buzz, a maid, thinking that it was the buzzing of the doorbell, went to check outside the front door of the mansion and found no one.

It was only after ten minutes that the maids informed the rest of the Woodflame family about the smell of smoke that was coming out of Clearvane’s room. As Clearvane’s two younger siblings worriedly considered the possibility of their brother getting into a Sword Art Online incident (They were avid video gamers as well, but VR was something that they didn’t want to try after reading about a fictional story which featured the namesake of that incident as its title.), the Woodflame parents knocked on their eldest son’s door, which was locked. After several attempts and several silent responses, the Woodflame father broke the door down while he held great worry inside his heart.

What they found inside Clearvane’s room became a part of the worst tragedies in the history of the Clearvane family, and what they found also became a part of what became one of the biggest news topics in the early years of the 23rd century.

Still, until more than two years had passed after the first death in the Meat Hunter Online incident occurred, the Woodflame family never knew that Clearvane, also known as “Kinshi” within his small circle of close friends, had accidentally killed his close friends and then killed himself as despair swallowed his heart completely.

After they found out how his true feelings went while he lived, Clearvane Woodflame’s life became an important memory in the Woodflame family, and the Woodflames vowed to never let any of their family members live a life similar to Clearvane’s life.

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