Welcome back to the dream, Master!
Oh, hey, a maid. What was your name again?
I don’t think I should bother giving you my name, since you always forget, and because you don’t have a maid working for you in reality yet!
So…I’m in a dream, then?
Huh. You look like my crush…or what I think my crush looks like.
Hey, pervert. This outfit is embarrassing, you know.
And that’s how I imagine how my crush would react if she were asked to wear a maid dress. Wait, why am I dreaming about maids?
Because you’re being a pervert right now, idiot.
Well, that sucks, but I do admit that you have some nice legs. I don’t mind your average chest, too. Oh, and you got some really nice brown ha–
Ow, faf punf hurf muh feyf. Muh feyf if kwaif wreffed, foo. Anf fwai arf fyou fwushinf?
I’m not blushing because I l-like you or anything!
You sound like a tsundere. Well, I am interested in hearing you sound like a tsundere, but…uh-oh, really sharp glare and really burning fists…Think about something else, think about something else…
Hey! You got homework, right?
Wait, you’re far away now. And I’m on top of an island in the middle of a sea of…fire…?
WELCOME TO HELL!
And my crush suddenly turned into a gigantic demon. Where’s the computer and the Internet?
THERE ARE NO COMPUTERS HERE! AND THERE IS NO INTERNET HERE!
And Shintaro Kisaragi died. Badum, tss. Hahahaha.
Oh, the demon’s laughing…while hammering down its big fist on little me.
Actually, I’m not dead, I’m in a critical state (luckily), and the dream isn’t over yet. Assistance, please!
Don’t be an idiot, idiot!
And the demon got kicked to the skies by my…crush. Oh well, this is a dream, and my wild imagination is wilder here. Lots of trouble would probably come with the combination of a wild imagination and the dream world. Such as my crush reconstructing my body with the help of robotic parts, punching my face again, and then kicking my crotch.
Alright, I’ll take you back to your home now, you idiot.
And then she carried my reconstructed body on her shoulder. She sure is strong. Oh hey, video games. Hey, Nanami! Let’s play Pokémon! Or make a Let’s Play video!
Don’t you have homework to do, you idiot?
Ah, homework? Oh wait–
WELCOME TO HELL!
Well, crap, the demon’s holding tiny me in its giant fingers. Is there a pen and paper here, at least?
THERE IS NO PEN AND PAPER HERE! HELL ONLY CONTAINS ETERNAL SUFFERING!
And your latter sentence is why no one wants to be in Hell. So…how do I deal with this problem?
Well, I epically failed at life. And this is all a drea–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!
And I woke up with a gasp and some panting.
What…just happened…? I dreamed of something, but the only things that I remember is being thrown into a sea of fire and burning in said sea of fire.
Wait, what time is it? 5AM? Ugh, I haven’t gotten enough sleep yet…and I still have so much homework to do…
Oh well, my smartphone’s right beside me, and this house is currently connected to the Internet. Time to calm myself down…or make myself more tired.
And then the door opened, and my dad looked into my room.
“Did you get enough sleep?” he asked while looking at me.
“Uh…I got about five hours…” I replied while holding my unlocked smartphone.
“Hand over the phone. And the laptop. You’re here to get more sleep and be better at managing your time, but you’re making our efforts useless with what you’re doing.”
“Ugh, fine…and sorry…ugh…” And my crush (who’s currently a close friend of mine) just messaged me. And some of my favorite YouTubers have really interesting new videos! And there are so many things that I want to see right now! Like fanfiction! And porn! Okay, I really should go to sleep.
“Okay, here’s my phone and my laptop, Dad…” I seriously said with my sleepy voice. “Thanks very much…”
And my Dad left the room. Good thing that today’s a weekend and that there’s no important matter to deal with outside my house today, or else he would have been more pissed, and I would have had a really bad day at school or with whatever task that I need to attend to outside my house.
Alright, time to go sleep again…and think about stuff…hmm…what did I dream about before I woke up today…? Hm, seems like I don’t remember much. But hey, I should just go to sleep. Why am I even wasting my time on things that aren’t actually really high priority stuff right now, anyway?
Now, go to sleep, boy. And I hope you have sweet dreams.
Huh, that’s strange. Babies are stepping and crawling all over me right now. And they’re shouting and crying like one of my siblings.
It’s because you’re an idiot, idiot.
Well, this sucks. And thanks very much for being honest, my dear crush, a part of my self, whatever you are out there that’s looking at me while changing forms.
You better deal with this properly, you idiot. And don’t worry, I’ll make sure that you aren’t an idiot.
Huh, nice. I guess my dreams would be sweeter if I slept more. Now, I just need to make myself more helpful…HAHA! And as a baby step, you just smashed some babies out in order for you to stand up! Badu–OW! I got shot! There’s no need to be so violent towards my existence!
The baby-killing joke isn’t funny, idiot!
Okay, seriously, I don’t like killing babies, but these babies are just symbols of my freaking idiocy that’s messing up my life. Okay, now’s a time to wear some shades and play some rock mus–WHOA! I got buried by disorganized baby steps again. And then my crush/close friend is trying to help me get out of and deal with these piles of problems!
You still have a long way to go, idiot. Do your best…and I’ll help you out with the best of my ability…idiot.
Thanks very much. Seriously, thanks very much. Now then, inspirational rock music. Go, Children Record!
少年少女前を向く！ 暮れるえんーGAH! BABIES ARE BURYING ME AGAIN! 暮れる炎天さえ希望論だって！GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! 「ツレモドセ！」「ツレモドセ！」TRY AGAIN, AND TRY AGAIN BETTER! 三日月が赤く燃え上がる！UUUOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!