You know, I’m starting to think that crying is like farting. The fart that I just blew out of my butt-biter-bitten butt right before writing this got me thinking about that. I mean, look, you got some unnecessary gas somewhere in your digestive system, and as a part of the health maintenance system of the body, that stuff has got to go. So, that gas gets kicked out in one of three different ways: silent but deadly, loud and proud, or wet and wild. Ah, I remember the day when a certain high school homeroom teacher of mine introduced the three kinds of farts to the class…I think I laughed there…or maybe I didn’t ’cause I had a thick metal stick up my butt…

Oh wait, I’m flying away. I was gonna talk about crying being like farting. Oh, and I feel like that fart that I mentioned in the first paragraph was kinda wet an–TOO MUCH INFORMATION, YOU CRAZY BEAR! GET BACK TO THE TOPIC! Okay, okay, back to the topic, back to the topic, sorry…

Okay, crying is like farting. How? Let’s think about it.

First, crying and farting are usually considered stupid, annoying, and disgusting by people, especially if done inappropriately. Sometimes, they’re a big source of laughs. Crowds these days will usually stay away from you like you’re a serial killer or the plague when they smell your stink, hear your explosion, and/or see your stains. A person usually gets more flak when they fart, though, but hey, I think a person being caught crying usually gets the crying person around as much insults as one gets when they’re caught farting, ’cause it seems like a lot of people these days think that crying is a sign of weakness and that weakness is bad and makes a person worthless. If that’s how crying and farting are taken these days, then I’d like to say that it’s a sad reality. Why? Here’s the second reason behind crying being like farting:

Farting and crying work to defend the body. Without farting, you’re gonna get poisoned by the gases that pile up in your digestive system. Well, I guess that’s how it works, but hey, I think farting isn’t there for nothing! If the gases don’t go out of your body, where else will it stay but inside your system? What should the gases do but have a party in the digestive tract, where they will exert their strong pressure and scatter their chemicals? As for crying, the tears are meant to keep your eyes clean, and if humans do not have the ability to secrete tears, then humanity will become blind very quickly. Crying is usually done when a person feels a strong emotion–usually sadness, sometimes anger, rarely happiness. Let’s focus on the “letting sadness and anger out” aspect of crying. Have you ever felt really sad and/or angry that you wanted to cry, but you keep yourself from crying because you’ll get worse problems if you do so? I bet that you’ll feel even worse when you try not to let your sadness and/or anger out via crying. With that, I’ll talk about another thing that makes crying and farting similar.

Farting and crying are things that are hard to stop, especially when they need to do their work. They are things where they’ll win more often than lose in a battle of wills, and when their will does lose against your will, your health gets wrecked and your appointment with a worker from Death Central gets moved to an earlier schedule. How will preventing those two things wreck you? Well, I’ve talked about that in the previous paragraph.

Oh, and one more thing that makes crying and farting similar. They can be done without annoying people. Do them in the right place, the right time, and with the right person. Trustworthy people won’t mind much when you cry or fart.

And with that done, I’d like to say it again: Crying is like farting. Also, I’d like to say that crying is farting via the face, and farting is crying via the butt. Facefarting and buttcrying. Interesting comparison, huh?

I feel like you’re disgusted at the idea that I introduced, though. Maybe you’re laughing at the idea because it sounds stupid. I remember introducing this idea to a friend, and that friend did not like it. I feel like it is because farting sounds like something way more stupid than crying. Still, I like comparing crying to farting. With our imperfection, bad stuff is gonna pile up in our systems, and we’ll need to expel them properly. Gas is gonna build up in our digestive tract. Dirt will jump into our eyes. We’ll get slapped by despair. We’re going to have to expel those bad stuff properly, nutshellcrackers. Of course, kick the bad stuff out of your body without hurting other people.

Now, I’d like to do some facefarting. I’ve got a lot of despair messing me up right now, and I feel like it’s high time for me to kick that bad stuff out properly…

So, who’s willing to listen to me as I fart my face out?

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