Sniper-Style Self-Help

Help myself.

If I want to be helped by others, I must do my best in helping myself. If I reach my limits, then I must call for help.

And I am the only human who pretty much knows my limits best. Other people can know my limits, but it’s not like they can know everything about me. They have perspectives of their own, and their perspectives have limits as well, making them blind or confused towards certain aspects of me. In order for me and other people to improve, sharing our different perspectives is important. It’s like a role-playing game, us units have different stats and classes, one unit can only go so far, one class can only go so far, and a united group of many units with varied classes can probably reach outer space or another dimension.

As for why I’m talking about something like that right now, I honestly feel pissed. And nervous. I’ve been asked to do my best at school right now. I’ve tried, but the nagging feeling of anxiety seems to be chewing away on my mind more vigorously now. I’ve been asked to help myself. Yes, I am trying to help myself. I don’t think going to a class or talking to my parents about my current troubles face-to-face is something good for my sanity right now, so that’s why I’m not considering those things help. This, what I’m doing, this writing, is what I think is the best help I can give to myself right now.

If I were a unit in a game like Valkyria Chronicles, I’d be the sniper, confronting enemies from a distance and from the shadows. I’m pretty squishy, and I don’t think I can move so far with the equipment that I have, unlike the shocktroopers with their machine guns and tougher armor and bodies, or the armored…uh, whatever those units are with those big weird axe things and shields, I forgot what they were called…Anyway, in dealing with my current personal troubles, I’m doing it sniper-style. I’ll shoot messages to the right people and make sure that I interact with them from a distance. Right now, I feel like I’m dealing with the problems better when alone, which is pretty bad, if you ask me. I should be dealing with my problems with the help of other units, especially the ones from other classes, or else I won’t be able to get better. I’ve been receiving backup, but if you ask me, I haven’t been receiving enough backup. Again, snipers are usually squishy. Also, leaving any unit behind alone, thinking that they can fend against everything, is freaking stupid. The backup that I’ve been receiving from friends and other nice people in the Internet has me up at night and at the computer more lately. As for the backup at home, I feel like they’re expecting too much from me. They’re pretty good with being in the frontlines, though there are things that they can do that are pretty tough for me, a squishy guy who works best from a distance, to learn. Yeah, every unit has skills that are tough for them to learn, along with skills that are easy for them to learn. For the improvement of everyone, synergy is important. Gotta learn what to do and what not do in improving ourselves through understanding the differences among the units.

Now, even if a certain someone would ask me to go to school in the following days and try to finish it properly, my sniper class and my current status problem (which is holding me back from mixing well with other people, especially ones I don’t know much, face-to-face) will hold me back unless I’m assured that I am adequately backed-up (especially with the medics and those people with the big shields, ’cause I am in freaking great need of them right now) and that I can safely maneuver around (scouts, help me!). And I’m sorry to say this, commanders (you’re family member of mine, by the way, commanders), but I cannot go on with school properly in the coming days. This is pretty much the farthest I can stretch myself out right now. I’m sorry, but I’ll need to retreat. We’ll need to regroup and devise a better strategy, though I don’t know if you’ll ever like that idea. You wouldn’t want your own son to get killed horribly in battle, right? Yes, I know that I’d probably lose you two someday and that I’ll have to fend for myself, but not all your preferred battle methods can work well with the units in our team, and life is not something that’s supposed to be lived with me just relying on myself. If I don’t show you a good reason to consider my suggestions, I don’t think you’d be willing to help me, so I’ll try to let me and my writing here do the convincing. I’ll shoot you a message, faraway from home, from the depths of the electronic sea. I could go to the guidance counselor, but it’s not like he’s at his office all the time, and you know how I feel right now about interacting with people face-to-face, especially if said people are strangers and acquaintances to me.

Sorry to disappoint, but I’m at my limit already. Call me pathetic for not being the son you expect me to be right now, but just like you, I have my limits. I need your help. I want to cry for help, but would you really want to look and listen to me farting my face out?

Sorry. Sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I can do better. But helping me get back up…helping anyone get back up…it’s always going to be a challenge. So please…don’t be careless. Consider the statuses of the units and the condition of the battlefield before issuing orders.

This is probably going to get you feeling really hurt, but I strongly feel that I should tell you this. Why would this be in the Internet, though? Well, I think you can blame that on my disturbingly wavering faith in you. If I can’t get help from you, then Plan B will be asking for help from the people worth asking for help in the Internet.

I’m sorry, Mom and Dad.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

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