Probably An Insane Shipper’s Porn

Author’s Note: Hm, it’s been about a month since I last wrote a story for this series, and I’ve been thinking of interesting titles for future stories that will be parts of this series. Also, I wonder who’s interested in making illustrations for this series…? But hey, before thinking about having someone draw illustrations for this series, I’d really like honest constructive feedback on this series and on each of its stories. I should put more effort into gathering honest constructive feedback properly too.

Oh, and one more thing: I don’t think this story would actually count as porn. As tempting as it is to my annoying perversion, I hate writing porn. Why I titled this story that way, well…it seems like a lot of people these days think too much in the shallow depths of their minds.  I’d like to make you aware of that annoying thing, dear nutshellcrackers, and I’d like help in beating that attitude up.

She believed in the existence of morals and was raised by a Christian family, but she usually followed her emotions in trying to determine what true morals were.

She honestly believed that if she feels pleased by something or has a hard-to-resist desire for something, that something definitely isn’t bad.

But hey, many people didn’t think like her.

Certain likes of hers, most people hated them. The number of people accepting and promoting those likes of her were growing, though. That made her very happy. The world was becoming a happier place, it seemed.

Still, the cruelty in the world drove her into hiding her interests. Haters, such as her parents, often let out very vocal reactions. She didn’t want to hear their vehement declarations, their shunning, their rejection towards her and her fellow enthusiasts’ existences. They didn’t understand. She didn’t mind being called a nominal Christian, ’cause Christianity and their dumbass self-righteous followers were crap to her.

There weren’t many people who knew a lot about that side of her. To anyone who didn’t know her quite well, she was just the First Year Representative of a Student Council, the shy and clumsy but gentle and hardworking girl who was often drawing something on a sketchbook that she often smiled at and never opened to anyone else.

But if you question her beliefs, she will reveal her hidden fangs more fiercefully than those stupid haters.

“Who are you to judge what I like? It’s not like it’s bad.”

He was a devout Catholic. He wasn’t like the many nominal Catholics that plagued the Church. He was a sinner, he would admit that, but he was a sinner who worked hard to stop himself and others from sinning.

So, in accordance with the true principles of the Catholic Church (which had some stuff that he honestly considered hard to understand but not impossible to understand), the teachings that so many people in the world failed to see, he hated hating people.

A lot of people thought that he was an idiot, a person who was too kind. He was too kind back then, back when he was younger, when he thought that being kind meant letting someone do bad things to others for the sake of protecting the relationship with that person. He had been through a phase where he believed that “an eye for an eye” was something good too.

But now, his emotions were under better control thanks to reason. The chaos of life had showed him the bigger picture, and he learned with guidance from precious people, instruments of God, of Perfection, of the Force that is currently understood partially. Now, he wore reason and emotion like the glasses on his face. If at least one lens were defective, then his whole vision will become messed up.

There weren’t many people who knew a lot about that side of him. To anyone who didn’t know him quite well, he was just a Student Council Secretary, the laid-back glasses guy who often made witty references to anime, manga, a bunch of other popular Japanese stuff.

But if you show him a person who was stupid enough, he definitely won’t hate that person, but he will definitely be fierce in exposing and damaging that person’s stupidity.

“I don’t need to hate people’s existences. I just need to hate humanity’s stupidity.”

It was another day at school when she revealed her fangs to him.

She had a worrying problem recently, and it was her forgetfulness. She often laughed along when her classmates would laugh at her clumsiness, as she got closer to them thanks to being aware of each others’ problems. Things like frequent procrastination, social awkwardness, low self-esteem, piled-up white lies, and desires for revenge–she managed to connect with their hearts by showing them that she felt the same feelings and did the same stupidities, that making mistakes can’t be helped at times, and that haters should be ignored. During the first two months of her first year in high school, she managed to form a support group with a lot of her classmates, and that led Frei Rasse to becoming her class’s representative, followed by becoming the Student Council’s First Year Representative.

She still had hate for herself, though, as usual, ’cause even if she managed to make friends through her weaknesses, those same weaknesses also caused people to stay away from her as well.

One of those weaknesses would lead to revealing something that would cause a lot of noise in her life. Frei hated loud noise, both in the literal and figurative senses.

She ran through the quiet corridors of the school building, a building with rooms that were occupied by those who stayed after school for club activities. When she was running, though, it was at a time when the sunset entered through the windows, while the noise of talking and moving students and teachers softened significantly. If she didn’t have the problems that she was worrying about now, she would be enjoying the silence of the place.

“I hope no one sees it…or, at least, I hope no one opens it…”

With a satchel hanging on one shoulder and her hands closed into fists, she ran to the Student Council Room.

When the door was close enough, she turned the door knob and pushed the door forward.

Dread filled her when she saw the inside of the room.

His mouth hung open as he stood, looking at her from over a shoulder, while a hand held down one side of an opened sketchbook.

His lips then turned into a small smile, and then he rubbed the side of his head as he looked away.

“Welp, I opened your sketchbook without your permission, indeed,” he said with a sigh.

As usual, he chose to stay behind for a while after the usual Student Council meeting. When a meeting ends, he would be the last among the members to leave the school, for he was one of those few youths who were picked up by their own parents, and his parents, who were usually accompanied by two of his three younger siblings, took a while before they arrived at the school. So, after the Council finished cleaning the room up, he would often stay in the Student Council Room until a security guard or a teacher ushers him out of the school building.

Stretching his limbs, Mike Terra had just finished working on some complicated Math homework when he noticed something.

“…Frei’s sketchbook?”

Rarely did he see that stack of landscape-oriented papers bound by gray springs and blue covers. Usually, it would be in the hands of the short First Year Representative, and she seemed to have fun when she made the graphite tip of her pencil slide around on one of its pages.

Thing is, it seemed like no one knew what she was drawing. Whatever it was that she drew, Mike knew that she grinned a lot at it. Her grins reminded him of a certain boy with a killer notebook and a God complex…somewhat.

Mike sighed at himself. Maybe he was thinking too much about that last part. Still, he expected something bad inside that, ’cause he wasn’t someone who deluded himself into thinking that evil doesn’t exist, let alone someone who thought that there’s no such thing as absolute objective truth.

But hey, maybe there’s something good inside it. It should be known that Mike Terra did not delude himself into thinking that good doesn’t exist as well.

And then Mike had opened the sketchbook when he paused in realization.

He realized that he was about to look at somebody else’s possession without permission from the owner.

Oh, and a page of the opened notebook showed two young men…going at it. And they were familiar…they seemed to be Scin Lumen, Fel’s older brother, and Scin’s gay friend…uhhh…Mike forgot his name, and forgetting that guy’s name annoyed Mike…but wait, wait, wait, that’s not top priority right now…

“First things first: Apologize to Frei for looking at the inside of her notebook without permission,” he whispered to himself. “Next, show her that I’m not—“

The door suddenly opened.

Mike immediately turned to look over his shoulder.

The owner had arrived, breathing hard, while her widened aqua blue eyes moved from his face, then to her sketchbook, and vice-versa.

A breeze blew through the window, its whistling echoing through the silence. Short and somewhat messy black hair and neck-length light brown hair, the light wind slid through them, making them sway a little.

The bespectacled anime enthusiast thought of saying “And here’s a SHAFT anime scene” to lighten the mood, ’cause he really wanted to deal with this calmly, but hey, first things first, and he felt that it would be rude to utter that comment to someone who, surprisingly, looked ready to murder him if he didn’t respond seriously.

“Welp, I opened your sketchbook without your permission, indeed,” he decided to say with a sigh.

The desire to take her precious sketchbook without another word from both of them occupied her whole mind.

Eyes focused on his nervous face, she went to snatch the sketchbook from the table. He took his hand off of it without hesitation, but she still didn’t feel at ease.

Surely, he had looked at a page of its contents, at least, right?

“Don’t tell anyone else about what you saw,” Frei warned, her voice lowering into that tone that most of her friends called a “murderer tone.”

The Secretary took a red handkerchief from his pocket and wiped it on his forehead and the sides of his head.

“Well, if you don’t want it revealed…” He let out another sigh. “…then I won’t reveal it,” he continued, still with a small smile on his face as he put his handkerchief back and adjusted his glasses from a rim. “Even if I feel uncomfortable about what I saw…”
That last sentence made Frei’s gaze harden. Small expressions of discomfort often snowballed into raging expressions, according to her past experiences.

Yes, Frei Rasse would give mercy, but only a little.

“Who are you to judge what I like? It’s not like it’s bad.”

Mike’s usually relaxed eyes hardened at that question and statement.

No, Mike wasn’t angry at the fact that sinful Frei Rasse existed. He was angry at how certain she was about, if his guess was correct, the goodness of homosexual relationships. He would admit that he still wasn’t totally sure about why homosexuality wasn’t a good thing in the Catholic Church, but he wasn’t going to believe in something without solid proof as well, and he wasn’t going to settle for “It’s hard to understand, therefore it can’t be understood.”

He also reminded himself to set time for doing more research. He had been lazy at that lately, and he really wanted to know if such relationships would really grow healthily. Debating, proving, and debunking requires presenting solid facts, and he knew that.

Now, it seemed like the imperfect yet devout Catholic had met a girl who was very zealous about trusting her emotions. And this girl was probably bullied a lot by self-righteous people, considering her reaction after he expressed his discomfort towards a certain drawing of hers.

Mike slid the edges of his upper teeth on his lower lip before taking a deep breath. He adjusted his glasses again, holding it from a rim. He sighed in exasperation towards the audacity of the self-righteous fools among his fellow Catholic fools who were trying to stop being fools.

Each and every human member of the Catholic Church is a sinner, and Mike Terra wasn’t blind to that fact. Nor was he blind to the fact that humans can improve.

“I don’t need to hate people’s existences. I just need to hate humanity’s stupidity.”

“I SAID IT’S NOT BAD!”

She tightly held her sketchbook to her chest. Her fingers tried to dig into its blue covers, while thin and coiled metal dug into her palms.

For someone to imply that what she liked was bad…it was like denying that what she liked was not vital to her existence. Sure, a lot of people hated them, but without them, she never would have become friends with a lot of her classmates. Without them, the world wouldn’t be a more love-filled place. If he were to try to tell her “the true meaning of love,” she would tell him that love didn’t need an explanation at all.

And to show that she was right, she would tell him to fuck off, and she would ask Jerkass Christ to fuck off as well.

“…”

“…”

After a few seconds of silence, Frei’s eyes widened.

She realized that she had voiced her thoughts out loud.

Mike’s eyes narrowed.

He felt that he shouldn’t be bothering to explain the Catholic Church’s doctrine to someone as stubborn as her at the moment, as that would be counterproductive. The way of the Catholic is not in forcing things on others, and it is definitely not in shunning the existences of other people, existences that God Almighty wished to save.

First things first: Be an actual Catholic. And Mike knew that he would make mistakes along the way, so he also reminded himself to do his best while asking for God’s help.

After a whisper of “Help me out, God” that was meant to be heard by him and God only, he closed his eyes and took another deep breath.

Then, he let his green eyes open and dive into the blue.

“…again, I don’t need to hate people’s existences. I just need to hate humanity’s stupidity.”

“Really? I said tha–“

“And part of that stupidity is shunning you like what those self-righteous idiots do to you.”

“…what?”

“Am I right about why you’re angry at me? You think I’ll stay away from you and try to ignore the fact that you exist, right? All because you like those things, right?”

Frei’s eyes were still widened.

At first, she kind of regretted being rude to him, but then she thought that she shouldn’t be regretting her rudeness towards him, since he did something unforgivable. She thought that he deserved it, so she kept on looking at him with her teeth shown.

“…again, I don’t need to hate people’s existences. I just need to hate humanity’s stupidity.”

There he went again, being stupid.

“Really? I said tha–“

“And part of that stupidity is shunning you like what those self-righteous idiots do to you.”

She paused.

She he had heard what he had said.

…what?

He was probably manipulating her, right? No one, let alone a Christian, was that nice to her, right? A Christian hating what she liked but not her presence? A Christian who actually didn’t go prattling about her being doomed to Hell for all eternity, but still stood by his stupid religion’s beliefs? A Christian who didn’t like his fellow self-righteous shits?

“Am I right about why you’re angry at me? You think I’ll stay away from you and try to ignore the fact that you exist, right? All because you like those things, right?”

If Christ didn’t hate gay people, then He should be allowing gay marriage, right? If He wanted to spread love to the world, queer people should be allowed to love who they love, right? Love always wins, right? What is love, anyway? No need to explain what love is, right? Maybe Mike can help her educate his stupid Church?

“Frei. I don’t like thinking that at least one of my fellow humans are not imperfect. I don’t think that there is a person who should be shunned too. Maybe you don’t consider what you like a sin, but know that the Catholic Church is for the sinners who seek help, not for the self-righteous who think that they are above those outside it. My faith’s laws don’t agree with you liking those things, and my faith’s laws agree that you’re a sinner, but they don’t give us Catholics a license to send you and other sinners to Hell. Otherwise, the Catholic Church shouldn’t be alive right now. We’re supposed to save people’s lives, not send them to Hell.”

Does he know what he’s saying? He’s probably making that up, right? He’s probably a sadist, right? Yeah, maybe he’s a sadist, ’cause he still considers what she likes sinful, but…but…

“I…I don’t understand…Why? Why?”

Why was he not being like his fellow shits? Why was he still being like his fellow shits? Why was he so confusing? Whose side was he on?

Mike adjusted his glasses again.

It looked like Frei was more broken than he thought. For now, maybe he shouldn’t be rambling on about the true way of the Catholic, or even ramble about a lot of deep stuff…

And maybe…maybe what he would do next would work?

Well, trial and error again, as usual. And hugs help people relax, right?

“…huh?”

It seemed like the storm of surprises hadn’t stopped yet.

Arms that weren’t hers crossed on her back, and a foreign warmth mingled with her warmth.

A part of her wished to let go, to go away before he would hurt her further, before he would slide his hands down her back and up her skirt, before he would try to “cure her sinfulness,” but…

…but he didn’t do anything bad at all.

“…why?”

He wanted her to know that he didn’t want to hurt her through that hug, but now, he felt embarrassed about looking at her. He was also feeling regretful about hugging her just like that.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure about what he should have done. He had only battled with stubborn people like Frei while in front of a monitor. Even if he had imagined this situation and how it would probably go again and again in his mind, he wasn’t quite surprised by the fact that the real thing shook him up. He was still putting conscious effort into keeping himself from shaking too, for this girl was confused, dread was likely to be mixed with the confusion regarding the topics that they were arguing about, and he didn’t want her to think that he was going to do something perverted to her.

“…why?”

And then Mike felt like most of the Internet would probably gonna find this interesting. And then they would probably focus on shipping them so hard. And then there would be shipping wars. Oh, and please don’t get him started on the porn, too…

Wait, wait, wait, Frei asked him a question. “Why?” He should answer that, like, immediately.

“…uhhhhh…”

Also, this was way different from playing with those rowdy female cousins of his. Kind of awkward with the cousins at times, but hey, they love each other as family members. But this.

This.

He let the “Don’t cop a feel” command flood his head immediately.

Still, he hasn’t answered the question. He needed to answer now. Like, don’t waste time, Mike! She’s probably gonna get more pissed if you don’t answer!

“You looked like you needed a hug…I guess…Sorry if it’s making you uncomfortable…”

And then he hugged her tighter as he felt himself blush.

That made Mike grit his teeth as he blushed even more.

I guess it’s safe to say that…

“…this is awkward, huh?”

Honestly, she was relieved that Mike hugged her. She felt like a giant weight was taken off her back, allowing her to be more flexible, although there was some stiffness that still remained.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

But hey, she was now sure that it could be fixed. How, she wasn’t exactly sure yet.

Frei has a lot of friends, but she doesn’t have great academic ability. That was something that led her to making self-deprecating comments. It sucks, but hey, she wasn’t alone. She suffers with her friends! And she seriously finds that fun, ’cause life’s a piece of shit to a lot of people, and it doesn’t seem like it can get better.

But instead of continuing through that train of thought this time, she felt…horrible. Experiencing kindness made her remember her desire to make the world a kinder place, and here she was, seriously liking being crappy and being rude. Kindness had proven its existence to her again, and even if the one who gave it to her had beliefs that she didn’t agree with, she still felt horrible. She had been rude to Mike. Even if he had beliefs that she didn’t agree with, Frei Rasse didn’t like being rude to people who showed genuine kindness, and Frei Rasse liked dealing with things peacefully.

And then she remembered that she herself can be calm and gentle too, even in the midst of chaos, for her calmness and gentleness were aspects of her that led her to becoming class representative, and then First Year Representative.

“…I’m sorry too…” she told him, holding him tighter as well. “…but I still don’t agree with some of your Church’s beliefs.”

“Apology accepted,” he gently said. “And I’m sure that your disagreement is understandable. I’d like to understand your disagreement too.”

When she heard his reply, one part of Frei felt like disagreeing with his statement, thinking that he was probably lying, but that was wiped out by the kindness that she was receiving, the absence of the harsh shunning that she usually received when her hidden likes were revealed, him wanting to understand her disagreement, and his voice…his surprisingly soothing voice…

And so, Frei Rasse’s faith in humanity, including herself, went up.

Also, she felt like hanging out with Mike more.

In love? Pfft. As if she would fall in love with an idiot like him…

…right?

Frei shuddered with an awkward smile on her face. She was going to be a tsundere, huh?

“If we have a love story, then ours would be a crazy one, huh?” the first year girl couldn’t help asking.

“Yeah. Probably. And to be honest, I…I kinda like you…I guess? ‘Cause you’re gentle and funny. And you’re into a bunch of awesome fiction stuff too,” the second year boy replied. “Ugh, why, why, what is up with me…?”

Really, they should shut up and let go of each other now.

“Haha, okay, let’s not talk about that for now.”

“Yeah, haha…ah. Let’s let go of each other now, haha…ah.”

Frei hoped that no one was watching them. She was willing to murder anyone who saw them, and she was willing to torture and then slowly murder anyone who decided to write a story about them or even a story based on them.

‘Cause a story with a relationship like theirs is freaking embarrassing flame war bait, you know.

Mhm, Frei Rasse hated that sort of noise.

The guard-on-duty ushered them out of the school building some time after their fight. (Luckily, the guard hadn’t arrived yet while the two were hugging each other.) When they arrived at the gate of the school, it was at that moment when Mike’s parents arrived with their black sedan.

Mike offered Frei a ride to her home, with his parents and two of his siblings supporting the offer as well.

Frei, feeling scared about dealing with Mike’s family members (’cause they might be cruel, right?), hesitated. But when she found her hand grabbing Mike’s, she felt like things will be okay.

Now, if only his family would stop teasing them…

“Is she your girlfriend, Mike?” Mrs. Terra asked with a goofy grin. “I thought you were into those anime and manga girls or something…”

“Mom, we’re just friends,” Mike answered while looking straight into his mother’s eyes (while blushing). “You know that I like taking romance seriously, right?”

“But seriously, Mike,” Mr. Terra added with a jovial tone, “You gotta finish high school first before you get a girlfriend!”

“Dad, I know!” Mike retorted. “And one more thing: She’s cute, but she’s not my girlfriend yet!”

Combined with the roaring laughter reaction from his parents (“He said ‘yet’!”), Mike’s declaration made Frei even more speechless. The first year girl felt like her face was likely to go on fire at that point.

“And it looks like you got a cute one, Big Bro…” said his first year brother, who was from another class. “Wait, she’s the First Year Representative! Damn, you are one lucky bastard,” he declared with a pat to his older brother’s shoulder.

Mike groaned, and then he let out a weak and dry laugh. And Frei, she was trying to convince herself that the situation she and Mike were in was better than what she expected, even if it was embarrassing. Oh, and the effort she put into suppressing her urge to kill should not be forgotten as well.

“Miss Frei!” the middle schooler sister called, looking at Frei with heartmelting eyes. “You seem to like him a lot, so please be nice to him, okay?”

Frei decided to look away and look down. Eye contact seemed like a very bad idea there, especially since she did not want to murder such an innocent-looking girl. She shouldn’t have talked to or even looked at the younger sister. Oh, and she was still holding Mike’s hand.

No wonder the sister thought that Frei liked Mike a lot.

“”We’re not a couple! We’re just friends!””

They were still holding hands when they declared that, and those hands were raised as they declared their denial.

And then there was laughter from the other Terra family members yet again.

The two had exchanged cellphone numbers, e-mail addresses, instant messenger usernames, and blog URLs before they got back to their respective houses. The process happened in the Terra Family sedan, and Mike’s family members had willingly stopped their teasing at that point. They encouraged the two Student Council members to build a friendship with each other, as Mike wasn’t someone who made friends easily.

Mike being someone who didn’t make friends easily…Frei understood that. He was what humanity wished for and hated at the same time. He was a smart AND kind person. She was feeling hate for him…but at the same time…

Frei covered her face with a pillow in her room and screamed into it. This was like the time before she realized that she liked girls romantically as well. Thing is, this was, like, ten times or maybe a hundred times more confusing.

But hey, Frei was sure that she should hang out with him more. He had already become one of her precious anchors to living. Having fights with him in the future, now that was something hard to swallow, but she found that inevitable.

This love story that seemed to be budding…it shook Frei, but she wasn’t surprised by how chaotic it was. Thanks to her favorite romance stories, she now thought that chaos was inevitable in the growth of a romantic relationship. She still didn’t like the chaos, though.

And as she went to send him a message through an instant messenger online, she also thought that he would probably agree with her on the inevitability of chaos in romance as well.

[10:03 PM] FreedomGirl: hey mike

[10:05 PM] WannabeAngel: Yo, Frei!

[10:06 PM] FreedomGirl: why are you up late

[10:09 PM] WannabeAngel: Well, I’m stuck reading some interesting fiction in the Internet again…

[10:10 PM] FreedomGirl: are you reading porn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[10:12 PM] WannabeAngel:

[10:13 PM] WannabeAngel: …yes.

[10:14 PM] FreedomGirl: haha

[10:14 PM] FreedomGirl: i know all your secrets

[10:14 PM] FreedomGirl: actually no

[10:14 PM] FreedomGirl: that was a lucky guess

[10:14 PM] FreedomGirl: and

[10:20 PM] WannabeAngel: And?

[10:22 PM] FreedomGirl: never mind

[10:22 PM] FreedomGirl: i thought of something pervy that you probably wont like

[10:23 PM] WannabeAngel: Uhm…I’d still like to know your honest thoughts there, Frei. I really like honesty.

[10:23 PM] FreedomGirl: no you perv

[10:24 PM] FreedomGirl: lets go to sleep already

[10:24 PM] WannabeAngel: Okay. Thanks very much for chatting with me too, Frei!

[10:25 PM] WannabeAngel: And sorry for trying to pry…and thanks very much for stopping me from being pervy, too!

[10:25 PM] FreedomGirl: you’re welcome mike

[10:25 PM] FreedomGirl: and no problem

[10:25 PM] FreedomGirl: good night

[10:26 PM] WannabeAngel: Good night! I hope you have sweet dreams and enough sleep!

Frei Rasse put her phone and laptop far away from her in her room, feeling heat on her face while resisting the urge to reply “i love you” after humble Mike wished him sweet dreams and enough sleep.

She fell asleep while thinking of being with Mike.

…and she also did some pervy things while she tried to sleep, but other than the fact that she felt like she had violated sweet and precious Mike by thinking of doing that with an imaginary and more pervy Mike, one who was willing to take her, after…relieving her frustration…that will not be explained further.

Mike Terra quickly locked his phone and nervously handed it and his laptop to his parents, who reprimanded him again for staying up late and reading porn. They praised him for his efforts in improving himself too.

He fell asleep, thankful to his parents and to God.

Also, he mentally begged God to help him, because his annoying pervy side was freaking interested in Frei. She was probably willing to take a pervy and handsome nice guy, someone like him, but–“No. No. Sex isn’t something that you should toy with.”

And so, Frei and Mike fell asleep while thinking of each other.

“He’s really gonna be disgusted by me…”

“God, help me, I don’t want her to be disgusted by me…”

Previous Part: Burning Down the Porn

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