Drunk Dragon in Disguise

Drunk Dragon in Disguise

a prompted short story by The Overlord Bear

Prompt (from r/WritingPrompts): “In the future, crime is fought with Sass, Weapons And Gear. You are an elite member of S.W.A.G.”


“Guys, guys…urp…S.W.A.G’s coming!”

And just as we took the clothes off the girls for preliminary inspection. I checked my watch.

“Man, it’s that time already, huh?” I said. “Come on, guys,” I beckoned to the other men in the room.

I let them go out first, though, while I trailed behind Dion, the guy who notified us about the cops’ approach.

“Is that…alcohol I smell?” I asked. Looking down at Dion’s hands, I saw his black thermos and not some wine bottle, but still… “I thought you were drinking coffee?”

“Oh, I forgot to mention that it’s…urp…Irish,” Dion answered, taking another swig right after. “Thought I’d…urp…give it a try. I guess it’s…it’s okay.”

I probably didn’t realize it through all the bushy hair on his head and face, but… “You don’t look so good. Maybe you should watch over the girls…unless you can spit fire like the Drunk Dragon.”

“Haha!” Dion started. “As if! I hope…urp…the girls don’t mind…me vomiting…”

“Well, you can use that to check their kinkiness levels, Dion,” I told him with a slap to his back, making him tip around. “I’ll be going ahead, then!”

“Alright…urp…Boss!”

Weird guy. At least he’s dumb enough to be a good flunky.

But things were too quiet when I checked on the lookouts and their reinforcements. It was understandable, as S.W.A.G had a very annoying habit of showing up without sirens. Their trucks just came in and parked as a wall facing their target’s location. For a force that prided itself on being bombastic, they sure knew how to build up tension.

But still, they failed to value silence enough. They won’t be able to get all those girls far away enough without triggering bombs tracked by a sensor within the building. If S.W.A.G wanted to get those girls out safely, then they had to deactivate the sensor within my room, which has a lock that would also trigger the bombs should some idiot try to hack it. It’s likely to cause damage to our hideout if the girls were still here, but better to have trade secrets leaked as little as possible.

I basked in confidence as I waited for that robot Negotiator to show up, then, but the time went by for too long.

“Did anyone check the trucks?” I whispered. “Stop acting like you don’t have heat sensor view!” I added, hoping that it didn’t come out as a shout.

One of my men apologized and then switched his goggles filter. He seemed to squint as he panned his gaze upon the trucks, and then he did a jolt back.

“They’re all unmanned!” he shouted. I also had to resist the urge to slap the guy.

“Shut up and stay here,” I told them all before I went back into the depths of the hideout.

But before I could reach the storage room, I picked up a burning scent from a familiar direction.

Soon enough, I found my room with an open door. Its lock was melted, and so was the sensor it was supposed to help out. A certain cabinet was also missing its wine bottles, which had me realizing who the perpetrator was.

“VeRy lIT, yEs?”

A cocking gun along with that garbled voice…These bastards sure knew how to build up tension, alright.

Soon enough, there was a blaze behind us, and I was taken away with my men.


Author’s Note: Heist plots sure are fun, huh?

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