The World of Remnant According to Aqua and Eris
a Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo! x RWBY fanfiction by The Overlord Bear
Summary: Once upon a time, two goddesses were assigned to be replacements for two dead gods who created and handled a world called Remnant. One goddess was their fangirl student, while the other was a wannabe. So now, Kazuma, you shall be knowing the true and real story behind how Eris trashed that world beyond repair! Hey, don’t sleep on me, you idiot!
Once, there were two gods, who were actually just one good and awesome original and his evil yet just as awesome clone. They served as my mentors, and without them, I wouldn’t see awesomeness in party tricks! Their names? Oh, Kazuma, you don’t deserve to know their names yet, if ever!
So, anyway, they made this world called Re**nt (Those damn wannabe bosses made me unable to say it, okay!?), which was obviously edgy, but it gave them room to make all that cringy edge look stupid with all their awesome combat-effective party tricks. And they actually did, such as with this busty blonde trashing up a nightclub and all these other teenagers going to combat school, but unfortunately, the Masters died one day. Somebody gave them some really bad sandwiches, and while I was given the expected but undeserved spot of being their replacement, I was also accompanied by someone I grew to suspect as their killer…or, at least, their killer’s pawn.
Yes, that someone was that chest-padding Eris! Goddess of Fortune? Pfft, she’s definitely overqualified for the job. See, for the combat-effective party tricks to look awesome, the world has to be so screwed up that it demands for such things. Eris was more like “Aww, look at these poor things, they gotta have a more fun school life,” but I was like “No, you bitch! Look at the fucking notes and see how unlucky these people will have to be first! We even have this manly man who’s so bad luck incarnate, he’s so damn badass as well!”
But Eris being Eris, she insisted on being the wannabe nice girl, and she decided to “give balance” to the Masters’ work. She couldn’t do anything about the wrecked main school, since the Masters managed to make that happen before they died, and I didn’t want to ruin their work, but she managed to do something about forcing the main cast back together without smacking them with shockingly horrifying knowledge about their world. After all, she cared more about all that fluffy diabetes crap, and she even gave Edgy Terrorist Catgirl parents! She was supposed to work with the Ice Queen to break their Little Sister Leader and her Bombshell Older Sister down even harder like…those two gay rival bro ninjas? Hey, I can’t remember their names, so stop laughing at me, Kazuma!
Anyway, with that, I realized that I had to be more drastic about this. If I couldn’t get to her like an advisor, then I’ll just be like the evil clone mentor I had and interfere like a boss! So I decided to put in a Yandere Chameleon Girl and shove Yandere Bull back with the edge, all while pushing the Evil Queen and her crew ahead of schedule.
And then Eris just had to develop Blonde Noodle’s and Second Master Clone’s signature powers in the lamest ways. Aura boost? Negative emotion masking? Bitch, Blonde Noodle could mime-wall an asshole and Second Master Clone had veggie-juice-powered martial arts skills, and that’s the best she could come up with in the face of giant monsters and crazy schemers? I definitely put too much faith in her sugar-high ass, so I decided to push her into giving the unlucky man a bit of luck…and as expected, his bad luck won over and allowed him to see Eris and harass her to his heart’s content! What do you mean “Did your Masters really want all that?” Of course they would have! I’m their most honorable pupil!
Kazuma Lameness aside, that unlucky guy ended up getting his vocal cords shot and replaced by Eris and her Padded Lameness. To be honest, I numbed my senses to a lot of the “developments” she made, and I never wanted to think about it again…until you showed up! Damn you, Kazuma!
Wait, you’re gonna help me think of ideas to fix it when I get back? Yes, yes, YES! If you have to know, the Two Great Brother Masters started out with four girls as the face of their world. There were all those mysterious bastards too, but how could they show the world off without some cool protagonists! Their leader was a 15-year-old speedster scythe sniper in red (Yes, the Masters were both proud and wonderful lolicons and little sister lovers!), the vice-leader was a flat and fancy mage Ice Queen with a scar on one eye (Hey, she’s way better than Eris ’cause she doesn’t pad her chest, which is why I allowed that jealous Eris to upsize her!), their dark and edgy teammate was a ninja catgirl (As I’ve mentioned before, and yes, Kazuma, the animal people have some wonderful cross-breeding!), and there was also the leader’s brawling older blonde sister (I can distinguish real tits from fake ones, Kazuma, and those are definitely real!). Blonde Noodle and Second Master Clone? Oh they’re in another team with two girls (Co-ed? Oh, you’d definitely love the team setups, you pervert…), one being Second Master Clone’s psycho electric childhood friend (Hey, she’d side with me and shock YOUR ass when she realizes how more wonderful a caretaker I am than you and that chest padder!) and the other being Blonde Noodle’s decoy love interest. What did I mean by “decoy love interest?” Oh, the Masters decided to have her killed to unleash everyone’s awesome some more. Not like we hated Dumb Honorable Slut, though! Seriously, we gave her a place in this world ’cause we really felt bad about snuffing out her funny existence!
Speaking of which, I wonder how she’s doing now?
“I am going to look for, um…more interesting quests. Goodbye!”
“Wait, Pyrrha, no!”
“If she were a man, her abandonment would give me more pleasurrrre!”
After months of getting her mind back together through more menial labor, Pyrrha Nikos had decided to become more like a Huntress once again. She could’ve done things solo, but she was someone who cherished companionship, whether in business or in pleasure. She wouldn’t try to solo things again like…last time.
Of course, Pyrrha also had a sense of character, and she was not someone who associated with people like thieves and perverts. If they showed remorse like Blake and Weiss (and Jaune, but she wouldn’t admit that out loud), she would’ve stayed (and a lot of people she worked with during her vacation of sorts were really that nice), but Chris and Darkness were clearly delusional, worse than what they claimed about Axis Church members, and Pyrrha was not going to take any more chances.
“Lady Aqua, where are you?” Pyrrha cried when she suddenly stumbled. “Fate has been so cruel, it is as if I had come across Eris and her padded chest!”
Trauma also had Pyrrha becoming quite desperate more easily, and she owed a lot to Lady Aqua, the humble successor of the actually deceased Two Brothers, for bringing her to this wonderful afterlife that would be able to help her get back to Remnant should she and her fellow afterlifers vanquish the Demon King who took over. Thus, what seemed like quite a stupid statement seemed a lot holier. Besides, different beliefs, even with best and worst beliefs, tended to seem crazier to outsiders, right?
“Oh, a fellow worshipper of Lady Aqua?”
Pyrrha looked up, and she saw a nun.
“Yes?” was Pyrrha’s response.
The nun grinned.
“Worry not, child. That chest-padding Eris shall bother you no longer.”
With that, the Axis Church gained some really big and beautiful hired muscle. Nobody knew her name, but those who did were either close friends (which she had none of, that nun included) or unfortunate targets (which were the people who were supposed to be close and honorable helpers to not only her but also humanity in general). Legends even say that uttering the Bloody Bronze Axis Amazon’s true name would grant the foolish speaker’s immediate death via special metal magic and long thing up the ass.
Of course, those were just exaggerations. Still, if you try to call Pyrrha Nikos by her true name straight to her face, much like one overzealous Aqua impersonator did, then she shall bring you massive pain.
Author’s Note: Yeah, Wandering Weiss is discontinued. Sorry.
Next Part: “Star-Crossed Chew Toys”
Probably Relevant Part: Weekend Meme Voice Acting Session 4