Divine Dedication

Divine Dedication

a Honkai Impact 3 fanfiction by The Overlord Bear

Summary: Bianka reflects on humanity and divinity.

Previous Part: “Weird Dedication”

First Part: “Childish Dedication”

It seemed so grand back then when I declared my belief regarding humanity not needing divinity. Perhaps that was why I was granted the fate of discovering that oracle’s dying form soon after.

Do I have regrets? Things I wish I could’ve done differently? I would be lying if I said no. Though whatever answer I give, I’ll still know that I’m human. Yet a good human must not remain stagnant or rotting.

As the years passed since that mission in the Sea of Quanta, I’ve grown doubts about my own doubts regarding divinity. I felt quite the irony when my childish rage against the gods was answered with an offer to be a deity of sorts myself, yet when I accepted their grand offer, I had not really realized the true depths of that lesson yet. I simply thought of myself and humanity as inherently better than the gods. Humanity should surpass those who came before them, after all, or so I believed.

When I did begin realizing those depths, it was when I was given praise that seemed glorious from a distance but mundane up close. The name Bianka Ataegina was forgotten in favor of the moniker Durandal, and I had to remind even my best friend Rita about that at times. I learned more and more about the corruption within Schicksal as well, and I had to carry the burden of being unable to blame certain people for their enmity against us. And then I gained friends who became able to control the forces I swore and longed to destroy.

I coped with all that through battle, obedience, and guidance. That is all a human soldier like me can and must do, after all. Yet the more I did all those, the more I wondered if the rest of humanity could reach the heights I managed to reach.

I tried to find reassurance in my own weaknesses. I still am considered Schicksal’s strongest Valkyrie, yet my daunting title and off-putting confidence were not always backed up by great successes. I prefer being an optimist, yet I let it control me to the point that I wanted to deny the cowardice of a certain young Schariac I also failed to save. I wanted humanity to see me as someone on their level, but I ended up further feeling the wrongness that is our inclination towards stagnation and rot.

It is all like how I viewed the gods: dolled-up images for humanity’s usually relativistic sanity. Yet I kept on trying to live up to the image they often mistook me for, striving for the fulfillment of my childhood hopes and dreams to give my life meaning. My deeper origins are unknown even to myself, and I clung to my fellow humans’ fanciful assertions as I fought for my life and eventually others’ lives as well.

Yet somehow, they all prove not only my weakness but also my strength as a human. I have the desire and ability to improve one way or another, and improvement implies that I am weak in the first place. And I do not want to waste time sulking over my weaknesses. Yet not everyone is able to take such things as well as I can, and while I cannot force improvement upon humanity, I have a duty to help when they would allow it. If someone refuses to allow it, then I shall keep on searching and waiting for someone who will with my might. Even the divine has to fight, after all.

And by the time I realized that some people called me a monster and a slave, I somehow managed to let them be. To most people, who would be enraged by their insults against me, my calmness seemed easy, but little did they know that even I was surprised by my more or less peaceful response against them.

Was that a speck of true divinity, then? And if that was just a speck of true divinity, then how much humility would the whole form require? My idolized yet childish confidence paled next to it, and while I kept up my confidence along with friendliness in the face of my fellow humans, I could not find myself attempting to be close to many humans as much as I did before. I found myself reminding people more frequently about calling me by my real name, and I even paid more visits to graveyards of fallen soldiers, especially Ragna’s and Ana’s.

And of course, there were my own losses in various battles. Theresa, Fu Hua, and Mei best reminded me about that. They still have higher heights to reach, of course, but I find it hard to consider them as people who cannot rival me. Theresa Apocalypse is a rebellious woman born of Honkai genes, Kaslana genes, and Otto’s obsession. Fu Hua was an ordinary girl forced to become an image of divinity. And Mei Raiden was a girl who thought that she had to stagnate and rot for others to improve. I had to admit that my losses against them stung a lot more than what I was used to, as they made me think that I was actually worse monsters and slaves than they were, but somehow, I managed to turn that rage into fuel for not only my but also our improvement.

So if we are monsters and slaves, which we humans tend to be, yet we were given freedom, humanity, and even divinity, which we undeserving humans are supposed to gain, then where do they all come from? And how could that happen?

Perhaps the answers are right in front of us now, though. Maybe they were always in front of us, even, yet we are so childish that we fail to see them for so long.

And I don’t know if they think the same way, but I think that the moment I became divine was the moment when I became a servant. Humanity will not be able to accept that easily, but this struggle of mine that is my life has helped me realize that we can be with the gods despite and even through our suffering. And if we humans have to be the divine’s servants to be the best we can be, then better to be their servants than to be humanity’s masters. Humanity’s pride has no place in the realm of the divine, for we are only specks of dust to them, yet they grace us with care beyond our expectations.

Bianka Ataegina is simply another human soldier glorified too much too often by her fellow humans. But refusing my name and my duties will never do. I could wish to be someone else, but I have long known that I never can. Maybe they’ll even remember their image of me more than that glorious beauty I now long to bear witness to with all that I have.

Still, for that glorious beauty, I shall keep on fighting and living until my last breath.

Author’s Note: When I came across Bianka going on about not needing gods and all that in the Durandal’s Pilgrimage event, it somehow made her even more interesting to me. Most of the time, such declarations in fiction would piss me off, and I’m now guessing that it’s because such words were uttered by very prideful characters in what should be moments where they’re shown as improved people. Meanwhile, Bianka, in her hilarious self-confidence, has this sense of humility about her, and that moment when she convinced that oracle and her people to stop believing in gods felt more natural as a backstory moment. It helps me think of Dea Anchora the battlesuit of her childhood days, too, which I think also shows in how over the top she goes with it compared to Valkyrie Gloria and Bright Knight: Excelsis. Personally, I even imagine that she would be very open to having her unbelief tested by life and transformed into belief. Indeed, I think she’s that good a person, I don’t think I should be surprised if most people would consider her unconvincing as a character.

All that considered, I guess I have now fully realized that Bianka has become my Best Girl in Honkai Impact 3, hahaha~ And praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again!

Oh, and by the way, I’m now finding more hilarity in the religious theme naming in Bianka’s battlesuits (“Gloria in excelsis Deo,” to be more specific), which TV Tropes got me noticing. XD

2 thoughts on “Divine Dedication

  1. I particularly liked this set of ideas: “…I have the desire and ability to improve one way or another, … and while I cannot force improvement upon humanity, I have a duty to help when they would allow it….” Well-said.

    Liked by 2 people

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