Why Are You Here With Us Deserving Prisoners, O Perfect Warden?
some insomniac musings by The Overlord Bear/Jem De Ocampo
All the charges we have against You are lies. Or, well, I just think that my charges against You are lies, my fellow prisoners hate me for thinking that way, and it freaking hurts all over.
So what’s with the ragged getup and the cell stay again? Yeah, I know that the folks You’re watching over in this here prison tore Your clothes off and bet on the pieces again. I’m just wondering about why You’re letting yourself get beat up like that. We all know that You got The Power, right? And we know that we can’t know unless we believe first. So why?
Are you just biding on a whim? Waiting for the right time to show how more cruel You can be? I mean, we all think that You’re giving us more than enough punishment all the time, so if You are, then that’s no surprise. Are You flexing on us, though? Showing that You can get away with everything all the time, while we can’t? You can throw us away anytime, You know? So why?
Why am I asking all those questions?
Huh. Good point. I asked myself that before, but when I told my buddies here in these cells what seemed like the sanest and most rational answer to me, they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I just said that maybe You care about us more than we like to think. And then they told me that if You really cared, You wouldn’t let us, let alone Yourself, get hurt at all. So I told them that You are letting Yourself get hurt, but then they beat me up right after. Kinda wished I beat them up in return, but after some thought while on the ground with all my bruises, I suddenly became able to see myself in their shoes. I mean, I’d feel really stupid, and I hate feeling stupid. Strange how I’m able to find such a humiliating thing so wonderful now…
But You can see that there’s still some doubt within me, right? I guess we gotta have some to be able to fight idiots like us, but I’m an idiot, You know? I don’t know what exactly is enough most of the time, if not all the time. And I’m feeling bad about looking like a traitor to my buddies here, and I don’t know if my sadness about that is a good thing or a bad thing. And hey, what do I know about right and wrong? What do we know? Isn’t that why we’re in prison? Isn’t that why You’re sending us all those doctors and teachers and entertainers and whoever else we love to call boring all the time? I’m here because I’m stupid. We’re here because we’re stupid. Everyone here wants to go to that other prison where they got comfier rooms and waiting hotties and grand feasts for the prisoners, and I’ve been wanting to go there, too. But I got a funny reason for why I’m not going to that other prison we’ve been calling more fun: I’m afraid that my buddies would call me totally worthless and irredeemable once I start trying to have all the fun I can have there. And by “all the fun I can have there,” I mean performing all the abuse I can do to everything and everyone there just because I can. Strange how we all both love and hate crime, alright…And I’m pretty sure that my buddies would love to do that much abuse. Why are they so scared of admitting it, then? Why do they hate seeing someone else do that? But I didn’t ask them those questions because I didn’t want to get hurt any further.
So yeah, pretty shallow and selfish reason I have for staying here, huh, Boss? I’m trying to one-up my buddies as revenge. But still, I feel sad for them. I even wish they’d stay here and get to know You better. Like, give You more of a chance. But I’m afraid of telling them that. I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want another fight.
But hey, I wouldn’t have come to like You if You didn’t let Yourself get beaten up that hard. Maybe I just have to believe, then, even if they won’t. Maybe I even have to fight. I mean, my life’s mine, right? And they can’t change that unless I let them. Same goes for them, but I hope we don’t waste our lives away, too.
So yeah…Thank you very much, Boss. Keep up the good work. Us idiots in these cells You’re watching over still have a long way to go, but I guess all that pain won’t be for nothing as long as You’re our Boss. And I am scared of being called a slave to You on a daily basis, but still…