Owing No One Except God

Owing No One Except God

some insomniac musings by The Overlord Bear/Jem De Ocampo

God knows what being a nobody is like, too.

So let’s say that I owe no one nothing. Not even my family, not even my friends, not even my teachers, not even my superiors, not even society, no one at all. My life is only mine, not theirs, in other words.

In that case, they don’t have any right to stop me from wanting to feel like I owe no one except God Almighty, right? They don’t have any right to stop me from believing that I have to give respect not only to myself but also to others. They don’t have any right to stop me from thinking that God works through other people, not just me, and that even other people who doubt and even hate God can also be God’s instruments.

But I should owe no one nothing, right? And whether or not we believe that He exists, isn’t God nothing to us humans, the true and/or superior masters of human life? And if I’m supposed to owe someone something, it’s gotta be someone human, not some supposedly perfect being who somehow managed to be 100% human and 100% god at the same time, right? Besides, a good human, imperfect they may be, makes way more sense than a good god, right?

And speaking of horrors we consider divine, those eldritch beings we’ll go insane understanding are probably better than this so-called “God” who lets evil happen to good people, right? Way less people will complain about twisting those things into characters that can satisfy our basest desires along with our most basic ones, after all, for one. Oh, and way less people will complain about paying evil unto our fellow sinners who are more like the guy who thought up those eldritch beings in the first place. If those bigots we rightfully punish become more famed thanks to the humiliation we give them, then we can always curse those Christians for bringing us such curses along with their own in the first place. They complain about cultures of death when they started it all with their self-loathing “God!” And maybe we proud heathens have problematic folks, too, but at least we’re not Christian!

Fortunately, I should owe no one nothing. What convenience! Another instance of the love-hate relationship with pop culture, this is. Moments later, I shall complain about our obsession with convenience, all while the world helps me point out how such a problematic person I am even before I started existing. I can’t be so great with such ease, after all, right? At the very least, I shouldn’t look like a cheater!

Should I confess my sins to the world? Nah, maybe not. Who’d believe my apologies? They’re likely to be treated like apology videos from fallen YouTubers desperately trying to repair their stupidity-powered reputations, see.

But hey, in the first place, I owe them nothing, right? I never thought much of them then, so I wouldn’t think more of them now. I know idiots like them, because I have been just like them a lot before. I wouldn’t trust me, too.

Though why do I still feel emptiness within me? I’ve already known that no one, not even myself, is worth any confidence. I owe no one anything, and no one deserves anything.

Well, screw it, why not try thinking that I owe this God Almighty being something? Why not try thinking that He knows what being human is like, even though He probably can’t ever capture the sinfulness part of being human? Besides, I’ve always wanted to be good and better and the best, whatever those are supposed to mean. And if others are gonna complain, then they can go eat their convenience again and throw the crap they make out of it at me. I mean, if I’m such dirt to them, then some fertilizer would help me be more worthwhile dirt, right? Or I can seem more rotten, just like how we scumbags always wanted ourselves to be.

So yeah, no matter what my fellow idiots say, they can’t stop me, because at the very least, they have to believe that my life is mine and mine alone. Still, I hope they don’t enter another cycle of self-loathing and self-worshipping once they start regretting their hypocrisy again…

Me? Having the power to help my fellow idiots be better people? Well, I don’t think I deserve that job, but I do owe You, God, so…

Yeah, I’ll do it. Let Your will be done.

Wait, I also gotta talk to a fellow fool to get my sins forgiven and be closer to You? Man, You sure have quite the faith in us, God! What a hilarious piece of beauty! I love it!

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