Touko, Aoko, and Rin Walk into Ahnenerbe

Touko, Aoko, and Rin Walk into Ahnenerbe

a Nasuverse fanfiction by The Overlord Bear

Summary: Three mentor Magi ladies have a conversation about being mentor Magi and living life over drinks in a party.


Previous Part: “Shirou, Shiki, and Mikiya Walk into Ahnenerbe”

First Part: “Arc, Art, and Shiki Walk into Ahnenerbe”


Rin Tohsaka was trying not to freak out.

After all, what self-respecting Magus wouldn’t freak out in the presence of a True Magic user? Also, the fact it was the beauty named Aoko Aozaki, a.k.a. the wielder of the Fifth Magic, Magic Blue, definitely didn’t factor into Rin currently being ruled by her shaky knees. Surely, it did not. Lady Blue was definitely as crazy as that fossil named Zelretech. After all, she was currently driving her nuts, and definitely not in a sexual way, because why would she go to bed with that level of crazy? That dumbass named Shirou Emiya and his doormat tendencies was already more than enough crazy in her life, for one!

“I raised myself a beast of a man, and I think it’s turning me on, Touko.”

Said beast of a man was some guy named Shiki Tohno, Shirou’s new friend who behaved like Shinji Matou yet had more charisma than that weedy and cowardly excuse for an adoptive older brother. Of course, Rin was surprised and horrified to find out that such a person could exist, and she was also unsurprised and very much disappointed over how Shirou made a friendship with the guy. But at least his senses regarding obviously questionable people improved a bit, right? He was getting closer to her level…which was, frankly, not much, if her relationship with Kirei was to be considered.

Anyway, Shiki Tohno was currently screaming over his vampire girlfriend gleefully going too hard on him being a perverted volunteer pinata, all while their other lady friends cheered said girlfriend on.

“I’m too wasted to kill myself right now, Aoko, so just shut up and let me be drunk in peace.”

Oh, and there was Lady Blue’s older sister, the puppet maker who was probably a puppet too. Maybe it was just the alcohol she drank in this party thrown by the Ryougis in Ahnenerbe, but Rin felt like Touko had already achieved the Third Magic. Or maybe she’s just another Zouken, but actually benevolent…maybe. Not like Rin would admit her confusion over what was pretty much her life. She was quite the proud lady, after all, one with an image to maintain in the face of her stupid…loved ones.

Again, Rin wondered if she could resurrect her father and stab him like Kirei did. And again, she blamed Tokiomi Tohsaka for giving her such a screwed-up life. She only did that when she was drunk, by the way, which was very rare. Outside that, she was Daddy’s dearest girl who let her younger sister get violated figuratively and literally.

“How do you deal with idiots?” Rin ended up grumbling into the table, tired of having to deal with her deep-seated personal issues again. Hopefully, the Aozaki Sisters wouldn’t catch on to her self-loathing…

“Be the more powerful idiot!” Lady Blue whooped. “Also, can I have both versions of your man as part of my harem, Tohsaka squirt? I really need the pampering right now. I’ll even let you join, but I’ll be the boss of the whole…Urp!”

Exasperated gratitude for being sobered by the Fifth Magician’s vomit was definitely a rare thought in Rin Tohsaka’s mind.

“Aren’t we all idiots, though?” Touko answered while staring into the ceiling, glasses still askew for who knows how long already.”Being able to admit that adds genius points more than any certification, and I sure am a genius among geniuses above geniuses. And I have a decent social life, otherwise we wouldn’t be in this wonderful party with my great friends right now.”

The puppet-making puppet then looked at the party’s hosts, the Ryougis, who were currently intent onlookers at that vampire girlfriend who was forcing her now blindfolded boyfriend to pin her own willfully severed arm back in place.

“Yay, Touko’s totally normal…” Lady Blue groaned into their table. “Also, why are you here, again, Tohsaka squirt?”

At that question, Rin looked to a table beyond the brutal party gamers, a table where her man, her woman, and her sister were knocked out with head lumps thanks to a monster who was currently keeping onlookers away with gleaming red eyes and a splintered wooden baseball bat. Said monster also had a gigantic henchman, but the henchman was too big for the building, so he was supporting her magnifying intimidation factor in spirit like usual.

“I feel inadequate as an older sister again, for one, Lady Blue,” Rin then grumbled into the table she slipped herself into like a stalker.

“Actual awesome older sister here, you wimpy older sister,” Touko croaked. “Just use your younger sister’s credit card and deprive her of her pleasures. Don’t worry, I won’t take my Mystic Eye Killers back, Aoko, but still, you’ll have to pay for stealing that.”

“Damn, I’m too wasted to kick your ass right now, Touko,” Lady Blue groaned some more, causing her older sister to laugh out loud. “Still, to be fair, and as much as I hate to admit it, I guess you won at life more than I have.”

“Ugh, now I’m pissed at you for sobering me up here, Aoko.” Touko took her glasses off with that declaration that also got her younger sister laughing back.

“Still, seriously, Touko,” Aoko looked up with a tired yet warm smile, “I like to think myself a social butterfly, while you think yourself anti-social, yet here you are with healthier bonds than mine. Care to gloat some more for your stupid younger sister’s sake?”

Touko bopped her sister’s head with a smile in return. “We’ll see once we’re totally sober and over our hangovers tomorrow.”

“What about me, Madam Touko?” Rin then went on her knees in front of her new crush. “Please teach me more about how to be an older sister! Among other things! Please!”

“Oh…” Touko narrowed her eyes and neared her face at Rin. “Funny how you look like Azaka. You a brocon as well?”

“Uh, if I had a brother, then no?” the current Tohsaka head responded with confusion. “I just have an estranged younger sister.”

“Well, we might just get along more swimmingly,” the older Aozaki grinned. “Wanna engage in some sisterly trolling?”

“My younger sister was a victim to Matou worms,” Rin had to note in the face of that disturbing look.

“Oh. That’s awkward. Not the worst thing a Magus can do, but still, that’s awkward, I guess.”

“Yeah. That’s why I give her an edge over me when it comes to our shared crush, but, uh…at least there are girls I can hook up with?”

“Go get ’em, sister!” Lady Blue winked and gave Rin a thumbs-up.

That unexpected gesture from Aoko Aozaki was the final straw that caused Rin to stare and then pass out with a burst of blood from her nose.

Rin Tohsaka would then have to be hooked up to a lot of blood packs, especially thanks to the knowledge that Touko Aozaki also ended up vomiting on her…


Author’s Note: Regardless of how hilarious you find this, I think I’m really done with this fanfic series now. Also, honestly, I’m more of a Fate/stay night, Fate/Zero, and Fate/EXTRA guy when it comes to the Nasuverse.

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