I now feel like I’m living a better version of my routine during my last years at university. I’m practically living with my own room at my grandparents’ house, provided I help give her peace of mind especially as she also looks after my senile and bedridden grandfather. Said room I’m staying in even allows me to record singing vocals, and the Internet’s way better than my immediate family’s house’s for streaming. And I have a day job, a work-from-home one, that I somehow still like and am improving at, even with stuff like the further increased workload this month. And I’m fanboying like the cishet trash that I am for a much newer and still underdog group of idol bros handled by a company from Japan. Still into K-Pop too, but mainly NCT now, though I think I’ve been kinda getting into SHINee lately, especially thanks to Key’s solo releases (Hate that…, which features Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon, is probably the Key song that’s most stuck in my mind right now, by the way).
And again, I struggle with myself, with part of that being how weird I feel about being what we call a “normie,” which I assume is also someone who thinks that stuff like school and work and family are necessary evils rather than dignifying responsibilities, while indulging in all this nerdy stuff that helped make me and are still helping in making me. And don’t get me started on these supposedly anti-decadence communities’ decadence that I have to live with, especially when we start going down infernal and “You deserve this! I deserve this! We deserve this!” and “Speak up ’cause silence is death!” Still, even if I am being oppressed like that, I still got a hold on my self that God gave me and I can use, and doing my usual psychological kamikaze combo of complaining about others on top of loathing myself would only make my issues worse. Especially since I want to help give my grandparents some good quiet without turning myself into a doormat wasting this quieter space I have here.
And so goes another vague venting in these monthly digest posts. And man, I’ve made so many of these posts already, huh? Like, six years already. I guess I’ve grown more appreciation for obscurity too. And especially thanks to holostars as well, I think I’m really starting to give up on pursuing my thinly veiled ambition of getting into hololive Production to wreak manchildish havoc. Still gonna pursue being an artist, though, and speaking of my VTuber fanboying some more, I’ve finally done a song cover that isn’t of a holoPro original. I also got the strength to make and release another insomniac musing in writing and another Some Trios Walk into Ahnenerbe installment. And while I’ve only streamed twice since the last monthly digest post (I like to think getting back into gacha games and getting into Blue Archive have a lot to do with that), I did manage to make and release some new vlogs that are hopefully improved in editing at least. And I might be improving at taking things one at a time, at least a bit. So yeah, I’m still managing, praise and thanks be to God Almighty yet again, and may He keep on challenging and guiding us fools. Maybe the All Saints’ and All Souls’ season have been helping me a lot more than I thought in writing all this, huh?
As for stuff to look forward to from me right now, well, the one-cover-upload-a-month in terms of music continues, I might be able to upload yet another insomniac musing, and I really want to give more life to Tobby’s Recommendation Yells. And considering my weakening old main reason for doing streaming, I might do a few times like this passing month had, but I still feel like doing streaming, at least to finish those three playthroughs that are still in progress.
With that, I guess I’m done with this month’s digest post. And again, I’d like some honest constructive feedback.