Starting off by talking about the sort of creative pursuits I’ve been spending the most of my budget on lately, I’m feeling more like slowing down on my music cover productions as well lately. Day job’s been busier, I got a phone upgrade courtesy of my mom that I need to pay off, and I want to go bigger with the covers in some way, with my cover of Tempus’s “Top of the World” being my top example among my two covers this month. Not like I don’t got confidence in my cover of Calli’s “Kamouflage,” but if I could handle a bigger budget, I would’ve had the visuals for that be more personalized like I did with the “Ijimekko Bully” cover (which is still rising up the ranks in my YouTube Channel for some reason). And covers aren’t the only music productions I wanna work on. And I wanna do singing collaborations, which are just covers at the moment, but still. And I think I should explore others’ music more, which I’ve been managing to do especially with the help of Spotify again. I don’t think I’ve felt like exploring this much since when I was in university, specifically when I would be listening to downloaded albums on the mobile app while in them long bus rides. I guess turning my daily handwritten religious reflection habit into a gratitude list really helped there lots, too.
And speaking of writing, I’ve made a proper fanfic writing comeback, and by that, I mean a safe-for-work fanfic release. As for the NSFW stuff, yeah, more happened. Again, I’m not gonna give you a lot of specifics about that here, but if you do find them for some reason or another, I encourage roasting me along with them, especially since they’re fantasies about real people, though if you like them, then I’d rather have your honesty there, whether I’d like it or not. Anyway, the safe fanfic is a work for Fire Emblem, though it’s for some installments I’ve never played before. On top of randomly wiki-walking about the franchise, some wonderful works of and chats with a particular writer who goes by the name of the franchise’s third installment pushed me a lot into actually writing and posting the fanfic. I think I’d rather play more Valkyria Chronicles than Fire Emblem right now, though.
And yeah, I’ve managed to stream a few times this month, with Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2 and The Silver Case also continuing slowly but surely. As in, one’s made some grinding progress for its True Ending, while the other two have revealed to me some very major spoilers. And with how I’ve been wanting to practice streaming more on top of trying out some games I got interested in through Tempus like Dicey Dungeons and the Hitman games, I guess it would help that if I take it easier on the cover production. Plus, I’ve been getting the urge to read original fiction again, particularly in the form of light novels and manga, with the latest localized volume of We’re New at This being the last thing I read.
Now, considering how I’ve had lots of fun exploring others’ creative works before, even with few things among them being stuff I’d really like, I’m getting the feeling that what’s killing my sense of contentment about it is my desire to fish for praise from and connections with others while trying to dodge mockery and loneliness. Especially by posing as someone who’s good at confrontations, like in this new attempt at a meme vid. I strongly believe in the ideas I’m trying to deliver, but I’m very doubtful about how I’d rather deliver those ideas. Thinking about that some more, especially with the tiredness such posturing gives me, I think I’d rather make stuff more like and better than this new attempt at a vlog. Besides, I’ll still have to deal with obscurity and zealotry even if I didn’t, and even the best life, while certainly worth cherishing, isn’t anything to brag about. My two poems this month, one about apparently killing God and one about sitting on thrones, probably depict that struggle of mine best right now.
So yeah, for now, in terms of Tobbyworks, I’m basically gonna take it easier on the posts I’ll feature on this blog here at least, while meme vids and vlogs and streams might get a bit more frequent. I think I can say, then, that the covers are likely to be once a month for the next few months, and that Bear Lords It Over You will be more guerrilla like my streaming and my writing posts for now. Seriously, I’m finding more relief in my day job right now, yet I still want to be this artist and entertainer for some reason.
Anyway, however I’m supposed to go, praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again for the challenges and guidance, and may He keep on helping us all. Also, as usual, I’d like to ask for honest constructive feedback.