Sanctuary in the Boarding House

It can be difficult living in my boarding house room.

See, the lone bed in my single-occupancy boarding house room is one which has wooden fixtures that serve as shelves and study desks. With that in mind, the bedframe proper is situated over them, requiring a fence and a ladder on one side for safety and accessibility.

I find it tough, having to go up a ladder to get to my bed, though I guess having to sleep on the top bunk of a double decker in my family’s house made me more used to it. But what makes my boarding house bed notably difficult consists of things that can be shown by describing the ladder.

First, though, to have a reference, my height is around five-foot-nine. Now, with that in mind, imagine the ladder being taller than me by a few inches. That’s how high the bed is, and adding to the difficulty is the slant of the ladder, which stands close to ninety degrees. The bed length is also left with a few inches of space once my lying body is there, and the gap between my sitting height and the ceiling is also a few inches long.

The bed’s not the only difficult thing about living in my boarding house room, though.

One thing I enjoy about the boarding house I’m currently staying in is the Wi-Fi. The place doesn’t have a television, but even if a television were there, the presence of Wi-Fi would pull me harder than the presence of a TV.

Now, the struggle I have with the Wi-Fi in the boarding house is how the signal weakens once I’m in my room. Perhaps the walls have something to do with that, but hey, even though I’m not sure about why right now, the Wi-Fi signal is still weak when I’m in my room. My phone can only catch a working signal when I’m sitting close to the door, at least, and although my laptop can catch a working signal better there, it tends to be intermittent, giving me tough times with sudden bouts of disconnection and inaccessibility. With all that, I’m better off being in the common room if I need to use the Internet more efficiently.

I think I’ve complained about those things to my parents before, and I think I’ve mentioned the Internet connection problem to the landlord as well, but I don’t really feel like bothering to complain about those things further than all that.

I mean, with the height between my bed and my study desk, I feel like I can differentiate work and rest much more easily now! Bringing my laptop up to the spot where I should just rest feels more awkward with that setup, and I’d be more comfortable sitting on a chair with the laptop in front of me than trying to curl up while using my laptop within few inches of leeway.

Also, with the weaker Wi-Fi signal in my room, I can better concentrate on doing work that doesn’t need much in terms of Internet connection, particularly homework! And if I need a stronger signal, the common room’s there to serve me better and also keep me more in line, keeping me farther away from certain bad habits I want to quit!

So yeah, I guess that’s why I’ve been getting more used to life at the boarding house. That, and I think prayer has been helping me out pretty well, too. The room’s also conducive for such too, especially with the images of Jesus and Mary on the upper level of my two-level shelf/study desk underneath my bed, images which I let my mother place when we first moved my things into the place.

Still, I gotta keep on putting a good amount of effort towards improving myself. I still struggle with things like getting enough sleep and keeping myself from wasting time on foolish attempts at creative works, things made more obvious by the limits of my room when I try to mess around.

Hm, my room’s quite a training ground, then, no?

Well, with that, God Almighty keep on helping us!


Ruins – Vocal Arrange Cover

It’s been a while since I last put lyrics and vocals over an originally instrumental track. Not like I lost interest in doing such a thing, though, but making stuff like this takes a lot of effort, you know? That, and this sort of thing is something that’s extracurricular compared to other things in my to-do list. All those constraints I consider blessings now, though, because I think harder about what sort of content I’m making and how I’m making them.

So yeah, about this track, it’s originally by TRISTN, a peep whom I first encountered through twenty one pilots instrumental covers. And I guess I decided to put this on queue for vocal arrange covering because I wanted to show off…which is probably ironic, considering the lyrics. Also, production really took a while, considering that I asked for permission to use this track around 5 months ago. How I still remember something as obscure as this probably says something about my shifting musical interests and TRISTN’s potential as a musician as well.

As for the production, well…I struggled with this for a while. The second verse wasn’t really a rap at first, the choruses didn’t feel genuine, and the second shot at the chorus only went once, with some awkward attempt at a dramatic couplet afterward. I then rerecorded with revised lyrics, changing my vocal melody for the chorus and upping the song’s overall level of melancholy as well.

Oh, and as expected, rapping dries the throat fast. Also, there’s my tongue kinda messing up saying “fools” in the second verse. Still, after listening to the whole thing a bunch of times, I feel like I improved. Of course, I still need your honest constructive feedback, dear listeners. I also don’t mind rerecording this track sometime, considering how I’ve noticed a bunch of points in my rapping and singing that I can improve on.

As for audio engineering, I’m getting more used to adding a little more amplification to my vocal tracks for good measure. And as for video effects and editing, I played around with AviUtl some more. I find the resulting video impressive, though, making me consider the possibility of me being more like Monthly Girls’ Nozaki‘s Mikoto Mikoshiba in terms of visual art skills. Still, again, honest constructive feedback from the audience is important. That, and I think I should do more with the text effects.

Oh, and better not forget Ms. Biwa. She did the illustration for the cover video, and although it’s somewhat different from what I expected, I’m still pretty impressed by it! Like, check the character design and the background, yo!

And now, here’s a link to the mp3 of this cover, and here’s a link to this cover’s lyrics sheet. Do give proper credit and linking if you’d like to use my lyrics, okay?

And again, honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated. ^_^

Generation Gap

Generation Gap

a piece of Kagerou Project fanfiction written by The Overlord Bear

Summary: Azami is stuck as an adult with a bunch of other adults. It would have been fun if their respective descendants thought of visiting and thanking her for the powers they got from her, at least. I mean, what’s so hard about dying without going to the afterlife for just one freaking day?

Continue reading

Manners are Always Groovy

Recently, a professor asked me to be quiet during class.

To be more specific, her voice back then when she asked me to do so had some spiking intonations. Her arms would’ve caused banging sounds on the table if she were swinging them down there too.

What did I say back then? Well, that’s not really the point. Maybe it was good, maybe it was bad, but still, that’s not really the point.

I mean, come on, what’s the point of what I said back then if I drove it in right while she was delivering some very important notes to the class?

In other words, I ruined her groove. She did get back into her groove, but I can’t deny that I ruined it. Having a ruined groove sucks very much, you know?

Like, really, I should know, considering how I feel when I myself get interrupted while I’m doing stuff I consider important. It’s like being in the middle of an tough and epic battle in a game like, say, Pokemon, and the battle’s so tough and epic that the time it would take for me before I can save my game data will take a considerable while, but then someone snatches my gaming system while telling me to go do stuff like household chores.

Well, stuff like playing video games aren’t really stuff to classify as important in the grander scale of things right now, but hey, that doesn’t really take the importance of manners away, still. Even if I’d act immature by not understanding you, doing something tactless is still immature and will not help as much as we’d like to think. I can resist retaliating with more immaturity, yeah, but I would still feel the struggle because I’m not being understood well.

I mean, even if Prof sounded pissed back then, she still managed to avoid saying stronger words like “Shut up!” Such a thing likely helped in getting me to control myself better afterwards despite me having to deal with wounded pride, you know?

So yeah, manners and politeness…Now that I think about it, I guess I really take them for granted more than I think, especially considering how I interact with my family when they try to teach me such things. I think about myself and what I think is right too much, inflating my pride and all that, and my pride tends to make a lot of others’ actions seem ruder than they actually are. For example, I groan when they try to point out the importance of seemingly trivial things like who goes first when it comes to introducing people and not making mixture mountains out of my food during fine dining.

Sure, those things seem trivial, but my ignorance of them, if not dealt with properly, will hit me hard and harder once I meet more and more people. I may not know a lot of the consequences right now, but considering my level of social inclination and how people like my parents and one of my brothers are more socially inclined than me, I think crushing my pride and having some faith in others really is a better idea in my life.

And hey, that reminds me of how I need to be more critical of not only my words, but also how I deliver my words. At times, I think that using cruder words would deliver my point better, but there’s such a thing as overkill, and such a thing is as bad as not saying anything at all during the right times, considering my conflicting feelings when I have to listen to people with good points yet crude delivery. At times, I feel as if suddenly cutting in feels groovy, but if I don’t get the other person’s groove, then my groove is more likely to be noise than music, with that interruption incident with my professor being a very good example. And at times, being loud with my fun seems like something to be happy about, but not everyone thinks the same way I do, and I gotta acknowledge things like my parents tapping my shoulder and quietly telling me to keep my volume down.

I still have a long way to go, alright, especially considering how I still feel the sting of the pride that shouldn’t be in me even when my parents ask me to use my indoor voice while expressing their understanding of my inclinations toward increasing my volume whenever I become more enthusiastic.

Now, more about that recent time when my professor asked me to be quiet because I interrupted her very hard, I felt nervousness while being quiet after that despite feeling irritation, particularly when she started talking about some serious social issues. I could feel the understandable yet still toxic wrath at the corruption of society, particularly its leaders, and even though I wanted to say that each of us are leaders in a way as well, I knew that I still have a lot to learn, and that speaking my mind out would likely lead to a bigger explosion that would put the progress of my education in danger.

Indeed, for me to learn manners and politeness better, I have to look at others more than I look at myself. Such reminds me of something I learned in poetry classes, and that something is the importance of learning about tradition before criticizing and experimenting.

And speaking of learning about tradition – particularly in terms of theory – in my studies as a Creative Writing student, it’s like learning manners and politeness, alright. My professors have talked about how most students don’t like learning about that, reminding me of how I also need to have some faith in my professors despite their imperfections, for they know better than I do when it comes to becoming the proper writer I should be. And tradition may not be perfect, but they have tried and tested stuff, and with all that, we aim to work towards improving it more and more.

Some people say that most of us peeps these days don’t use common sense, but if you ask me, I think that we use a form of common sense that needs to be shaped better every single day of our lives.

And before I even try to help in shaping that groovy thing called “common sense” better, why should I claim that I know what being groovy is when I don’t know what others consider groovy? Why should I claim that I understand others when I don’t want to interact with others? Why should I claim that I know what better manners are when I don’t know what society considers good manners?

And why even claim that I’m self-made when my existence in this world is something that never would’ve happened if it weren’t because of others as well?

Yes, moments like these remind me of how essential manners and politeness are in our lives…and learning them better also requires interacting with and learning from others, something which we struggle with a lot because of things like pride.

So yes, God Almighty keep on helping us all, for I don’t think we’d ever end up learning if we don’t have things like faith.

A Certain Criminal’s Encounter with Justice

I once owned a bottle
Which could fit coins despite its narrow neck.
I stuffed bills as well,
The fruits of good work.
As I wanted to use them for the good of the world,
I labeled them “For Justice” with red brush-turns.
Things were managed well for a time
But then came a time when my brother went vile.
He snatched the bottle because he wanted money
Which he was likely to spend on some more numbing.
Remembering the label on the bottle as well,
I thought it fitting to slam on his head.
More than expected, my brother’s head hit hard,
First by glass cracked, then on concrete flat.
Blood became a pool, his life tiding out,
Drowning the pieces of paper, metal, and glass around.
I couldn’t read the label I painted on anymore
And I didn’t feel that much better at all.
Green joined the pool,
I had been a fool,
And what wrecked me wasn’t an iron fist
But shards of glass that dug into my skin.

Bishoujo Kengi — TOB English Rap Arrange Cover

So…yeah…This is that one cover I’ve been thinking twice about for a long while…and even now, I’m still thinking twice about it.

See, the lyrics in the cover are pretty much like the stuff of certain love letters I made and sent to a certain girl during my past years as Tobby. Though this time, I’m more aware of how creepy this stuff is, and I’m also thinking that my lyrics here really are as creepy as the original lyrics of this song. Even the beat, which I find catchy, makes them even creepier!

With that, the uploading of this thing here definitely says something about myself, alright.

Like, really, I can remember how much I didn’t want to consider myself creepy back when I wrote those creepy love letters, particularly when I remember having told a friend that my version’s less creepy than the original version. Now, I guess I’m looking at a manifestation of my struggles with lust and such, particularly with me on the losing side. Really, I think it’s more dangerous when doing something like this feels like something I should do. I can feel its potential to snowball…and I guess I’m desperate. Maybe for help, maybe for more wildness, or maybe it’s a mix of both.

Still, my thanks goes to the peeps who don’t mind having my back for this, even if I have some disbelief at having such support given to me with something like this. And if you’ll ever consider this something you wanna forget about me…hmm, maybe you shouldn’t try to forget this, then. After all, the good within being idolized is something I’ve been having more and more doubts about lately…though I guess the way I’m putting this also screams me being hypocritical, since I could’ve just resisted letting myself upload this.

…Hm, though I guess this also shows how much I think about the thoughts of others. Maybe it’s too much? Well, I guess I should consult the trustworthy peeps in my life, then…

Anyway, this still stays up…maybe particularly for the sake of knowing a part of me that you won’t like. I do have parts that I know you would like, but I want to let you know that I’m not really perfect as well. So yeah, you can care for me, but please don’t worship me.

Also, Biwa drew the illustration for this cover. I would also like to take some time express my admiration for her dedication and because although she had to help me express my more complex drawing directions in Japanese, along with me bothering her multiple times with me changing my mind about uploading this cover, she still worked up what I requested and let me keep on doing what I want with it, even sharing the Niconico upload of this cover. And with that, I would like to apologize again for the trouble I caused as well.

Oh, and special thanks also goes to Gabby Cruz, a close friend of mine. I think he understands a lot about being in the gray zones, yo.

And now, here’s a link to this cover’s mp3, and here’s a link to the cover lyrics sheet. On the off-chance that you would like to try covering this song with my lyrics, then please do credit me and link to me as well, okay?

Blame It On The Boogie!

It’s been two years since Uri’s The Boogie Man was released, and in commemoration of the release anniversary, well, Wata Kujou, a friend of mine asked me to help her out in making an image song for Mr. Boogie! Taking Uri’s theme music genres for the games of the Strange Men Series into consideration, we ended up making a hiphop track, with me doing lyrics, rapping, singing, mixing (for the vocals only, though), and mastering, while Wata did the instrumental production. Also, Biwa did the illustration accompanying the track there!

Now, regarding my thoughts on the creation of the track, well…I’ve begun to understand more and more about how rapping can quickly dry the throat. Though on the other hand, I feel great about being able to flex and exercise my rap skills while under the scrutiny of a more public audience! Rapping’s something that I’ve been getting into more and more lately, and my confidence and interest there are kicked up by my awareness of my motor mouth tendencies and my interest in writing poetic lyrics, among other things, yo~

Still, I have some worries about my work on the track…like how easily listeners can comprehend what I’m spitting out, especially those who haven’t read the lyrics sheet yet. Aside from my enunciation, there’s also audio engineering influencing that, and I think I still need to learn a lot more technical stuff there, which I want to learn more formally sometime.

But hey, my struggles with all that still are quite a learning experience for me. For example, I feel confidence in having dared to do something unusual (Well, to me and my amateur audio engineering skills, that is) like putting some delay on my main vocals to add to the creepy feel of the track.

Also, I feel good about the positive reception the track’s been receiving lately, but hey, if you think there are things that can be improved on, then please do tell with full honesty, yo!

Oh, and to those who wanna know what the lyrics are, here’s a link to the lyrics sheet!

So yeah, here’s Mr. Dumont’s voice actor, going “Happy Release Anniversary, TBM!” and, of course, “Honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated!” \(^o^)

A Certain Weekly Return Commute

It was a Thursday, but the day after it was a Muslim holiday, which also meant a long weekend.

Knowing that, I packed up my dirty clothes into the new traveling bag my maternal grandmother bought for me, a bag which, for convenience, I also brought to the sole class (Professional Writing, taught by a favorite storytelling professor of mine) I had on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Leaving the blue-green bag I used for most school days at the boarding house which I’ve been getting more used to, I also put the stuff I would bring with me to my family’s house into the pink bag I used for such return trips, including a book to read for my leisure in the provincial bus ride part of that expected long ride through the large yet tight roads of Metro Manila.

Though really, yet again, my earphones and the iPod Shuffle it was connected to took most of my leisure attention during said provincial bus ride segment during that day. It wasn’t like the airconditioned bus didn’t have its lights on as the night began covering the sky, nor did I find no fun in finding out more about how local pieces of fiction are doing lately, but I guess I was distracting myself a little too much about what I’ll be doing in the future, thinking about possible music cover projects and fanfiction ideas, stuff that felt easier to do with my favorite music filling my ears…but felt harder to do when I thought about how much stuff I had on my plate already.

Anyway, I still had to keep my attention up for the bus conductor, especially when he started asking for drop-off points, distributing tickets, and collecting fares.

And speaking of paying attention to the bus conductor, I paid him more attention than usual, as he was unable to give me a proper amount of change for a long while. Even if he managed to give me my change by the time the bus had gone past the tollgate to the city where my family and I lived, I don’t think I felt impatience at the level of exploding.

Now that sort of thing makes me think of how much all those long commutes through Metro Manila have made me more reflective. I mean, that time with the conductor wasn’t the first time I had to wait for a very long while for my change, and thinking about it some more now, I guess we’re in the same boat, being people with not enough smaller pieces of money for an easier transaction.

Still, I had more active distractions during that long wait, a wait which took around four hours, a length of time which was longer than the usual one-and-a-half to three hours I went through on one-way trips from my family’s house to my university and vice-versa. That sort of thing reminds me of my dad’s talk about how days like paydays and holidays usually had more traffic, so I guess I should have expected the longer wait, especially since a long weekend was coming.

Now, as for other ways in which I managed to get myself distracted, well, there was the TV, which I looked at while having to look over my shoulder because of how my seat had me facing the back, a part of the unusual seating arrangement of the low-floor bus I was riding. It did make ignoring the TV easier when the show started going boring for me, though. For example, there was a revenge drama at one point, but I did spend some time having my eyes on that, probably because a revenge-centered drama was something I found unusual in Philippine television. Said revenge drama I was watching was showing a confrontation between the deceptive and grudge-holding protagonist woman and the corrupt and crazed politician antagonist man the protagonist was driving crazy, and then there were the presences of the protagonist’s allies interfering with her plans, much to her irritation when they came to rescue her from the crazy politician’s attempts at violating her.

If you find yourself confused by the situation in that show because of my explanation there, well, I guess that’s to be expected from plots involving lots of liars, regardless of whether or not you consider those some of those liars as good people. And to be honest, plots like those are stuff that I want to make fun of through story-writing, because well-intentioned or not, lying is a pitfall that we often fall into.

Also, there was the evening news, but I’ve been paying less attention to news lately, especially when I’m not accompanied by other people who can process the stuff better than I can. Oftentimes, all I want to know are the headlines, as I think that I need to be in the loop somewhat, at least, especially at my age. Still, if it’s interesting enough, then I’ll go deeper past the headline of a news piece. That’s pretty much how I deal with news because most news pieces I encounter are stuff I find particularly draining, and/or stuff that are like hammers driving nails in too much. For example, I find people name-calling other people, and although I can understand why such things would happen and why it would even seem like a good thing, I’ve already found myself tired a lot of times by the hypocrisy of division attempts for the sake of unity, especially since I have noticed myself doing such things before…like those embarrassing comments I left on a bunch of political posts I shared on social media before.

Yes, I thank God very much for having my parents around to help me process such things better…

Oh, and on my commutes, I can’t really use gadgets bigger than my phone, so…yeah, I was also distracting myself with my phone during that Thursday evening. In particular, I was distracting myself with a game there, especially since I couldn’t access the Net much. It was a cat-themed high-score puzzle game, and it’s surprisingly entertaining despite my weak inclination towards high-score games…probably because it’s not fast-paced like infinite runners. That, and it has cats. I like cats very much, you know.

And so, with all those distractions, I managed to endure the pain building up in my rear from all those prolonged hours of sitting until the bus arrived at my stop. At least I hadn’t drank too much water before the trip, or else I would’ve ended up having an awkward time with wet pants again like I did once semesters ago. I had also gotten the proper amount of change from the conductor as well. Then, having enough money to spare and interest in buying some pizza from the recently set-up Papa John’s near where I lived…well, I decided to buy a promo set that consisted of three boxes of pizza, an order I made which ended up requiring me to wait for a shorter yet still considerable while again because of long preparation plus high demand.

Still, the pizza didn’t disappoint. I texted my parents about how I was buying pizza and going to arrive at a later time as well. But at the end of the day, something got me worrying very much, and it wasn’t the whole long commute back home. The problem, well…

I think I’ve been eating too much lately (Again, the pizza didn’t disappoint)…and I need a lot more sleep…which I deprived myself of during that night via extracurricular use of the computer (read: writing a month-end blog post I could’ve written the next day, because hey, months have two ends, and if there’s the end of the month, then there’s the start of the month).

Yup, I still have a long way to go, alright.

God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – August 2017

I think I should define “month-end” as “the start of the next month” as well. That should make working on this have a more flexible schedule, probably.

Anyway, yo. August has been the month of my return to school, and freaking nuts, I’ve been through rough start. Luckily, I have moral support, and I’m less a guy who sleeps alone with his anxiety now. And with that, homework’s more manageable as well!

Like, really, homework’s like a breeze with enough moral support, especially while I process the lecture-and-discussion parts, which I find meatier and more challenging. And speaking of challenging meat, processing the lectures and discussions is like trying to eat the meat out of the holes and crevices of small yet curving bones. I have to get my hands dirty to work on them more quickly, and I gotta make sure that my dirtied hands won’t cause me sickness after mealtime…but hey, it’s not like I never encountered any fun learning during those lectures and discussions (for example, having a professor with amazing storytelling skills gets the lessons into my head more easily), so don’t worry so much.

Also, I’m getting used to living by myself some more. I guess I have to keep up the regular seeking for moral support if I wanna do that better, too.

As for online activities, well, let’s get the list of August posts over first:

So yeah, I made a return to poetry this month, and this time, I have readings and illustrations with them as well. I guess the poetry class I have this semester is a major factor there, too. Also, I have more ready for uploading, and I’m just waiting for a good enough time to upload them.

As for the Beauty through the Ordinary posts, I think I need to improve my daily routine to improve the quality of those posts. I’ve been worrying about their quality lately, see.

Regarding fanfiction, I’ve been doing more work on a certain thread in the Professor Arc Forum than I’ve been working on Wandering Weiss. Along with that, I have other fanfic pieces that are probably upload-worthy already, and one of them is the start of another multi-chapter. Hm, them writers asking for feedback make a lot more sense again, alright…

As for reading posts made by other bloggers I follow, well, I guess I haven’t been doing that much lately. Maybe I should do that some more to help in keeping my content fresh and sharp, especially since I also run a blog…

And as for other future uploads, I have a bunch of music tracks (mostly covers) that’ll need to have their respective videos worked on, and there’s also a collaboration track coming up next month, though I won’t be the one making and uploading the music video. Oh, and there’s that long-awaited MV production for that original track of mine…but a firm enough schedule for that is still being worked on.

By the way, I’ve set up an account at Casting Call Club. Along with that is my voice acting activity getting some life again. And maybe I should work on that VOISes of Fiction entry sometime soon…kinda…

As for other creative content I’ve been consuming lately, well, there’s more K-Pop, and there’s also more locally made and published fiction. Maybe I should add some more variety to that, too…

So yeah, with that, I’m gonna need to get a lot of rest soon. And as usual, honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated.

Spiritual Grinding

A dear aunt of mine who lives in Texas once told me that she and her family doesn’t watch news on TV, and that they also don’t have cable TV. A reason she has for that was how emotionally draining the news could be, making it a waste of time, especially with her still having a lot of self issues to deal with. Instead, she and her family get their news from apps and the Internet, something which had me looking at the Internet in a better light. Of course, she and I still know that the Internet isn’t perfect, considering the usual concerned elder’s warning I kept in mind, which she gave along with comparing it to a dangerous marketplace, something which I responded to by expressing how I likened it to a nightclub.

Recently, though, I remembered that as I was looking for help in dealing with the moral and spiritual struggles I had to face at school. That also got me asking my aunt a question:

“If the emotionally draining stuff you have to deal with isn’t like a TV that you can switch off and put away conveniently, then what do you think would be good ways to deal with such problems?”

My aunt then called that a great question, and then she pointed out how much of a control freak I was, considering all the other stuff I told her about as I sought guidance from her. Then, as a start, she asked to me pray the Serenity Prayer frequently:

“O God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever.”

As for how I responded to all that, well, I easily took it and thanked my aunt for that. If I were my younger self, though, then I would probably end up doing some more angst-surfing the Net alone in my room and skipping classes while thinking that I’m upholding actual justice for me and society.

Me as I am now still has a long way to go, though. That question I asked my aunt was something that also came out of having to deal with emotionally draining and spiritually challenging stuff at school. I’ve had to listen to professors and schoolmates expressing their discontent towards the government and its vocally foolish supporters yet again, and at a higher frequency too, considering recent incidents. And although I would agree that there are things that the government of my country is not doing well at, I didn’t sit well with the idea of doing things like name-calling and dehumanizing government officials, fellow humans with rights whom we claimed to be fighting for. Those who claimed to be fighting for justice that way ended up looking no different from the ones they considered their enemies, and it was something sickening that also made feel regret towards pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree in the university I’m in. They try to fight for the rights of many fellow humans by dehumanizing some fellow humans as well, and the thought of that made me let out bitter laughs.

But you know what I just did there? I was pretty much talking just like they did, portraying fellow foolish humans like they’re hopeless cases. Maybe it’s not as bad as they tend to do, but it’s still bad. I distorted their faces further, faces I’m not trying to understand as much as I should because of my pride that wants to lord my high ground over them – even if I do have the moral high ground – via snappy comebacks and such. I can win the earthly battle that way, sure, but I would lose in the spiritual war that way as well.

If we were to talk about my current state of spiritual affairs in role-playing video game terms, I’m not grinding for experience points well. Like, instead of taking my time on defeating mobs with levels nearer to my own current level until I’m strong enough to handle a boss, I run away from them a lot while still aiming to defeat a boss. That’s also something which I remember doing during one Final Fantasy V playthrough I ended up giving up on years ago.

And so, “Do your ordinary duties extraordinarily well” rings true yet again. The popularly despised homework is also becoming more a source of relief for me, and I find it easier to look for the good within others, even within non-believers. Like grinding in role-playing video games, it can seem tedious, sure, but that would be the case if I don’t have a good end in mind and making sure that I don’t lose my handle on the basic controls and moves I tend to take for granted.

Like, really, the importance of the basics hit me hard when I have to go through things like when I have to deeply think about things like how fiction works in our lives so much that it’s a very important part of our lives, how a short story is different from the novel aside from word count, and why we aspiring creative writers have to learn about the theoretical aspects of creative writing.

So yeah, trying to speak with the help of gaming terms again, all the spiritual chaos I have to deal with from other people at school and the rest of society so far are the mobs. They can overwhelm me if I don’t have a good handle on the basic controls and moves. I know they’ll come around to mess with me, but they still tend to appear suddenly. They’re also easier to deal with when I have allies around, especially allies with varying skillsets.

As for the bosses of spiritual chaos? Well, I think they’re the chaos within me. Defeating mobs and gaining enough experience to fight a boss is like how I manage to face and beat my own faults better. Fighting with the help of a party of allies also becomes more important there, too.

Cheat codes? I don’t think that’s possible here, though, even if I try to scream and beg for such. God’s way better than the best programmers here on earth, and with how He works, there certainly are proper ways to overcome the challenges we face in life, and if we’re unable to find them, then we’re just not trying hard enough.

Like, for example, not letting others help me well. It’s something I’ve done before, even to the point of considering them dead weight. I guess I can say that I was doing technique spamming or using the same moveset over and over like it’s the one true solution to all my problems in life. That sort of thing can be seen in how angsty I’ve been in the past, which involved me that being some edgy nut with a habit of frowning and glaring would burn down all the ill will that others have.

There’s also my rigidity in terms of change, particularly sudden ones, combined with giving in a lot to bad impulses. It’s like being underprepared in terms of items and equipment while also insisting on using a set of equipment that’s less likely to help me beat a certain sort of enemy, and/or just attacking and attacking without taking caution and watching out for the enemy changing their tactics and using my recklessness against me. For example, there’s me still insisting on working on this despite depriving myself of sleep like its some overdue paid work I have to finish, which isn’t what this reflection series is supposed to be. I have a hard time accepting that I have to put aside important yet extracurricular activities like this for another time in favor of more basic yet still important things, like making sure I eat enough, exercise enough, study enough, and sleep enough.

So yeah, I guess the Run option and all those escape spells and items are things I won’t be needing to use very much in my life…

Now, time to get back to grinding…though maybe I should take some time to change equipment, stock up on items, and get some rest first. That, and revise my tactics and strategies as well, especially with the help of my partymates.

Also, God Almighty keep on helping us all.