Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – May 2019

Finally, my thesis is officially accomplished! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again!

And yeah, I hadn’t posted anything past the monthly update post last month. But I’ll certainly be getting to uploading more stuff again sooner! I do have the graduation ceremony to prepare for during the month of June, but hey, more free time, y’know?

That, and I should make a page or two here for stuff like voice acting roles and all that. I’m getting closer to the professional life, and I need to act the part better, after all. Plus, I’m trying to get into voice acting more actively after certain recent developments that got me feeling more motivated! ^w^

But first, I also think I need to rest more. Or at least feel like I have a better hold on my time. God Almighty keep on helping us all. \(=w= )

I also have a long post in the works, and it’s a Tobby’s Recommendation Yell, which I haven’t been doing for a long while. Higher enthusiasm, confidence, and, hopefully, knowledge have me going at it again, and if you haven’t checked my social media hard enough yet, it’s gonna be about a certain Circus-P album.

And of course, there’s a song cover and some fanfic stuff coming up. They’ll appear suddenly but certainly this month, so yeah.

So with all that…well, honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated. And I need good peeps to more regularly hang out with for better artistry…which probably needs more initiative on my part than on theirs. Well, I guess these coming days are bigger opportunities for that better stuff, then! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty yet again for the strength and the challenges, then! \(^w^)/

Also, yes, I changed the site’s theme. Whatcha think about that? 😀


Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – April 2019

Yo. Apologies for the late update. It’s now the final month of the semester, and workload’s been going up a lot more as it came around. It’s a lot more significant with this meant to be my final semester in uni as well, so yeah, I’mma take stuff here slow as I put more focus on my schoolwork.

And speaking of schoolwork, I think I’m seeing a good chance to deeply face some personal issues I have through my thesis work. That, and I learned about how I’m struggling with purple prose…among other things.

Also, I’ve been making some progress with fanfic stuff and song cover stuff. You’ll be seeing clearer progress more likely after I’m done with my thesis work.

Now, as for last month’s posts…

  1. Tobby’s Freestyle Rap Practice Compilation 13
  2. Weekend Meme Voice Acting Session 3
  3. Easter Reflection 2019

I gotta chill out some more, though. Still got a lot more work coming soon, after all. Praise and thanks be to God for the strength and challenges again, then. May He keep on helping us all as well.

Easter Reflection 2019

I could take shots at people who forget that Easter is a Catholic event in the first place and all that here today, but I feel like I’d easily forget to think about it on a more personal level, so yeah, I’mma go for a personal reflection today. Also, yes, it’s been days since Easter Sunday, but I wanna make some reflections on Catholic events past Christmas more and more here, so yeah.

So, Easter. Pasko ng Pagkabuhay in Filipino. Christ did the Ultimate Sacrifice, and then He resurrected three days later. In the Gospel of John, Mary Magdalene expected it more than Peter did, but she mistook the Lord for a gardener soon after. The first half was something that came to mind thanks to the priest’s homily during this year’s Easter Sunday, and the second half wasn’t covered in the Gospel reading for that same day, but connecting those got me fascinated. I mean, I got a look at how humble Mary Magdalene was there as well. She knew she was talking to Jesus soon enough, specifically when He called her by name, and thinking about it some more, I think I also saw God’s love some more there! Like, He could’ve struck her down for not recognizing Him so easily, but He didn’t. He probably expected that, even, but in the first place, He’s looking for faith, so that happened.

Thinking about all that further, I guess I gotta accept that I’ll feel moments of doubt and have slip-ups and all that at times. Along with that, whether constructive or destructive, other people will have to point out that I’m doing something wrong at times. I tend to try to get ahead of other people and their feedback, see, thinking myself perfectly self-aware, but if I can do that so easily, then there’d be no need for things like the workshops I have to go through during Creative Writing classes, and I wouldn’t need to worry about audience and critical reception when I put my creative works out there. All that racing I’m doing against my audience and critics just makes me look worse, and I guess all that is also why I have people telling me to stop saying “Sorry” so much. My faith in them is low, and with that, my faith in God would be low as well. I can still say that I have faith in myself there, but with those two accompanying voids, I’m just a selfish and arrogant nut.

And if I just let that be, then I’ll have a hard time thinking about how to get out of it. I’ll blame it all on others alone, and then I’ll think myself the best even while being the worst. Despair would eat at me more easily there, alright.

But then there’s God. Sounds easy, but it ain’t, yet He’s still there, bugging me to get up and take His hand and all that. I like to think that I hold on to Him well, but the slaps upon my face remind me of my blindness again, for what else can it be when the one doing the slapping is the Ultimate Ultimate who can make suffering redemptive? There’s this great source of strength waiting for me, and all I need to do is believe and let the divine work be done upon me. I can’t be perfect, but I can still believe in Perfection and be helped by Him, yeah?

And hey, if I were to think about this in tandem with Christmas, then I guess it’s like witnessing a promise fulfilled once again. God’s that awesome, alright. And I guess I should look up to Him when it comes to facing myself and my fellow idiots. I mean, I hate having to deal with idiots and all the crap they do, but then there’s God, who’s even willing to take the most humiliating schtick we can do to another human just to prove to us that He loves us very very much. And now, as I think again about the act of asking God to prove how much He loves us, I feel even more stupid once again, and I even feel like beating myself so hard again. But at the same time, I feel more hopeful and motivated, and I wanna get out of all that self-destruction. I’ll have to face the noise of the insecure and self-deprecating crowd who would rather keep me in misery’s love for company, but why should I give in to doubt when God’s around to help us all through each other, even when we suck? And if He can still do something great for us even with the moments when we refuse Him, then what more if we accept Him?

I should keep that in mind, alright. And ask y’all for feedback.

So yeah…feedback, please. Honest constructive feedback, please. 🙂

And of course, praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much yet again for all the strength and the challenges! God Almighty keep on helping us all, too! \(^o^)/

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – March 2019

It’s April Fools’ Day, and as I look back at my posts during the previous month, I find myself with quite a…surprisingly fitting sight:

  1. Weekend Meme Voice Acting Session 1
  2. Weekend Meme Voice Acting Session 2

I have the Discord of Lurkers (which also has my girlfriend now) to thank for that very much. Seriously.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – February 2019

By the way, it’s the birthday of a brother of mine today. Happy Birthday, bro!

Anyway, yes, I’m late with this. Been dealing with school and personal stuff, see. Also, man, I haven’t been posting much. I have my cover of Circus-P’s Copycat, and then there are reblogs of posts by Prof. Dalisay, Mrs. Juneau, and Mr. Hayes.

Ah, and speaking of school and personal stuff, I think I’m getting a better sense of direction with my thesis. That, and I’ve gotten myself a gym membership with my mother’s help (and I need to get back into going to the gym during the weekend or the week after). Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much yet again, then! And that’s not even everything yet!

As for Tobbywork plans, I plan on working up my meme and voice acting skills during the weekend. That, and I’ve gotten into writing some animation scripts as well lately (and I gotta send ’em to a certain someone eventually). I also have a song or two in my mind decided on for my next covers, and I’ve also been making progress with writing certain lyric sheets. I can probably kill my boredom further and have a more worthwhile time if I try to work up freestyles and fanfiction in between all those research and chores…though I’m also struggling with getting enough sleep and not gaming and surfing too much, and I’ve been pushing my sensitive self too hard with arrogance as well. Thank God for my girlfriend, my family, my friends, and more very much for helping me deal with it better, even though my progress is slow. Like, really, how they can still be helpful to me even though I’m struggling so much just makes me want to do better! Praise be to God Almighty very much again, then!

And hey, Lent starts today. I get the feeling that the tougher challenges I’ve been getting lately have been doing a good job reminding about that, and man, I don’t think I would be looking at it that way without the help of God. It’s a time to remember how lowly we are, but at the same time, it’s also a time to remember what we really have to go through to reach salvation.

So yeah, time to head back to ordinary life. God Almighty keep on helping us all!

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – January 2019

Okay, good news, this semester is now more likely to be my final semester, and I very much want to make it so, so yeah, probably bad news, I’m gonna be invisible online some more as I work to keep my head together and better as I make some short stories and a critical introduction for said short stories.

Now, why am I doing these posts again? Well, conceit is one thing…so yeah, I think it would be better for me to speak through my works more. They’ll pop up suddenly, so just go on with learning and improving with your ordinary days over there and don’t go kill yourself over me, please.

So, what do I got this time, then? Look right below this, yo:

  1. Chapter 6 of Crawling to the Dawn
  2. a column written by an old Professor about his retirement
  3. my twelfth Freestyle Rap Practice Compilation
  4. a Josh W piece on some James Joyce stuff

Hm, I should have more numbered post lists in future update posts like this, too…

Also, I got some fun stuff in the upload queue of my Tobbywork plans already, but I’m just waiting for some good timing and thinking of how to plan posting stuff in a more organized way, for reasons like “Why should I change my Pinned Posts on my social media zones so quickly?” That, and more important stuff that allow me to do all this Tobbywork stuff better and better. Said more important stuff includes school life, home life, love life, all that stuff. Ah, and I really need to separate going through entertainment for work and going through entertainment for relaxation in my head, ’cause I now don’t think that it’s as healthy as I imagined before…

Well, God Almighty keep on helping us all, then! And praise and thanks be to Him very much yet again for all the progress! \(*A*)/

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – December 2018 + 2018 in Review

I’ll be honest: 2018 felt like a long year for me, and I realized that as I looked back at all the MTPAU posts I made for the past months of that year. Updates have been less frequent, and I hadn’t posted anything else during February. Still, it’s not like nothing good came out of all of that, so yeah, praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much because of that, then.

And speaking of good stuff, I should continue counting my blessings, and perhaps this sort of post can be quite a good way to do better~

But first, I’d like to get December 2018’s list of posts out of the way:

Now, back to what I was going to talk more about: blessings. I think I’ve said something like this before in my Christmas reflection this year, but anyway, blessings are stuff to count more than lack, and of course, it’s more difficult to do than counting zero and repeating zero over and over and over. I mean, really, think about the difficulty of going “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten” and so on compared to just saying “Zero” over and over and over again. Zero counting’s too easy for me, and I’ve been getting bored of it, though at the same time, it becomes tempting when the difficulty in counting gets higher and higher.

Zero counting becomes particularly tempting, though, when I try to count how many blessings I alone have brought upon myself:

Get it?

Now, as much as it can be real nice to feel like I can sing Drake’s “All Me” with confidence, that is something I can only achieve by lying to myself. Okay, so what does that leave me with? Self-deprecation like we usually do these days, especially online? What does that make all my growth, then? And what does that make all your growth? Social constructs created by the lying minds and hearts of humanity? If so, then why the freaking nuts are we still here, then?

Thus, I find myself seeing more and more sense in giving praise and thanks to God Almighty very much every single day. Oh, and I’m now an officially committed member of my university’s Christ’s Youth in Action. I’m quite surprised by how fast it took for me to get there, really…and I thought I was being lazy the whole time, going to all those gatherings because I felt the pressures of free time and parental guidance! God Almighty has been blessing a fool, indeed! Then again, Saint Paul already had a written note about that before in 1 Corinthians 4:10, so yeah, way ahead of me in the discovery there, yo…and that’s not even the first time it’s been proven that God’s been blessing fools.

And I could just refuse all those blessings and say “God, please let me prove myself by myself alone,” but as I have learned so many times before, that is simply an exercise in futility, for I’d be like the dumb preachers in Flannery O’Connor’s fiction pieces if I insist on doing that. Well, that, and God Almighty loves us as much as we ask Him to, and we can only prove ourselves when God lets us. Really, where does all the goodness in the universe come from, anyway? The void? Huh, no wonder I still find myself dumb and self-hating whenever I try to believe in me, myself, and I alone in living, then. Better not go tell others “Believe in yourself” without enough grounding, too. Does that make all the grinding we do pointless and unnecessary, though? Well, of course not, because we still have to teach each other about how to better count our blessings…and a bunch of us still don’t even know how to count blessings! I mean, really, just look at Our Lord Jesus Christ:

He is carrying a blessing, and He’s gonna be nailed to that blessing. Sound like nonsense? Well, think of the Cross like it’s work, dear. It’s real difficult to carry, and we get better benefits by being nailed to it.

Seriously, with how we complain about work every single day, we might as well call it the most humiliating thing in life, all because of how tedious it can be and how empty it can make us feel with all the painful routine for shining rewards that easily slip away from us. Nailing ourselves to it would also make us more of a laughingstock to our fellow fools, then. I certainly felt something like that (mostly from myself, considering how things usually go for me) as I thought about how I was cutting down on my Tobbywork time and changing up the activities there for the sake of more important stuff. But remember: Crucifixion was the most humiliating way to go in Jesus’ time and society on earth, yet God Almighty the Son accepted such a fate for our sake. He let us treat Him like a slave so that He could get closer to us and show that He understands how much we feel like slaves too. Hard to imagine slave owners doing that, no? That, and it would make the prideful catch feelings, even if said prideful were also a slave trying to break free. I should know, ’cause I’ve had times when I considered any good non-existent as long as it were surrounded by evil…and thinking about it some more now, that’s quite a dangerous and cynical way to think about things, no?

And hey, the fact that we can do good is proof that we can relate to God Almighty! He’s Perfection, after all, and if He looks shady, then that’s just us foolish humans making Him look so. That, and if we’re nothing without God, then the fact that we can do good has to come from somewhere, nah?

Now, what the freaking nuts is all that religious rambling I’ve been doing? Well, it’s something I’ve been doing more and more of with the help of my lovely girlfriend (We’re now one year into our relationship, OH YEAH!) as well during the past year, helping me practice and express my faith better and better, especially as she stays with me despite how hurtful, stupid, and saddening I can be a bunch of times. I’ve been doing that rambling more through voice chats than through writing before, though, and now, thanks to all that help, I have gained more confidence in being more religious in public. Huh, and I guess CYA (and a lot more instruments of God Almighty) has been helping me more than I thought. Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much yet again, then!

Okay, now I should really go down to more ordinary levels and come out of the UFO I have been booming all my talk in. Like, I have been getting a lot of feedback, especially from school, about how my writing lately has been very…alienating.

See what I mean?

And speaking of school, I’ve been doing okay…well, unless you count how I’m trying to catch up for my thesis, which caught me not taking it seriously enough, no matter how much I believed I was. Like, I’m still stuck in whipping up a decent proposal portfolio for the prerequisite Poetics class, and that state was also caused by how ignorant and ungrateful I was towards my education, particularly my university (Seriously, I have this strong feeling that I pissed off my Poetics Professor real hard). Bad news is that I may need to extend for another semester past the upcoming one and pay for that extension (and the boarding house unit rent and more), good news is that I only have one other lecture class to accomplish in my curriculum. In other words, I have to take this more seriously and make something freaking awesome with all this time I’m taking, and freaking nuts, I know I can, especially with God Almighty around! I gotta count my blessings and teach others how to count theirs as well! And really, thinking about it some more, isn’t that how research is supposed to go? Like, we have to look back at all the good things humanity has done before, and then we go build something better out of all that! It’s not an exercise in envy, but an exercise in growth. If we’re gonna note mistakes, failures, weaknesses, and voids and all that, then they’re for us to fill, fix, and improve…but that’s easier said than done. Again, zero counting can be quite tempting with its crazy easy, especially while going through struggle. Still, at the very least, we can do better, and God Almighty certainly understands how we need to struggle to do so! I mean, really, take another look at Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Praise and thanks be to Him very much again, yo!

Now, although I found a potentially better idea for my thesis recently, I’d like to take it easy right now and set it aside for after vacation. Again, I struggle with rushing stuff, and all that rushing makes me wanna be more complacent. That, and with how older I’m growing now, I gotta remember to learn and do chores and relaxation better. And thankfully, my family isn’t overdemanding, and if they are, then at the very least, they really strive well towards understanding us better. Otherwise, they’d probably be doing things like going all stingy on me about paying for the boarding house unit I have right now. And man, I think I’m realizing how more about how stupid I’ve been to them because of how I ask them not to bug me during my free time for my enjoyment, all while asking them at times to bug me hard during my free time to prevent excess, as if I don’t have any bit of ability to do so. I guess I really shouldn’t complain so much when they go hard on me, then. I mean, sure, they’re not perfect, but still, they know better than me, and I gotta know what I gotta work with and how to work it well before I go learn about how to work it better.

And as for my siblings, I really should give them more credit. One brother has more street smarts than me, my sister has better fashion, makeup, and sports sense, and the youngest brother is learning how to socialize and live better than we all thought! And I really should cut my remaining living grandparents some slack, since they’re peeps who taught my mother a lot about how to give it all for loved ones, and along with that, my parents will be as old as them one day, and I’ll be as old as my parents as well. If I don’t have faith in them, I might as well have no faith in myself and the rest of humanity. Good thing God’s here to help us out in our strive and struggle, then!

And now, it’s time to remember what I have to deal with in my chores…and even relaxation as well.

So yeah, now I have to remember how much I good have with me as I work up stuff. I mean, why pretend to be from somewhere lower? Yes, even in rapping, which I’ve been doing more of during 2018. And yes, I now feel like I don’t need to pretend to be from some neighborhood that seems more impoverished than it actually is, especially after all the schooling I had to go through in many ways…Besides, if being rich and popular means being a clown, then hey, at least I got a decent job. Really, the world needs some better clowns too, yo!

Just look at one of my inspirations right here. I really wanna outdo him, y’know? And I know I can. I look up to Saint John Bosco as well, yo!

Besides, there’s no need to be scared of going religious while being a clown too, especially since being real means being weirder than fiction! Them big rappers out there are complaining about getting their styles bitten, too, so yeah, I really should help them out with that! And hey, I guess God’s telling me something, considering how I have a leader bro in CYA who has some nice appreciation for rap as well! Praise and thanks be to Him very much again, then!

Oh, and speaking of music, I’ve been making and posting song covers and other music stuff with a pace closer to that of the pace my faves usually take with their work. So far, my girlfriend’s getting more and more impressed, so I guess I’m going somewhere better! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again, then! Also, I’d like some more and continued help with slowing down and being more careful with my work pace in general…Maybe I can even make and strengthen more friends through my work that way, too!

And speaking of friends, well, I’ve been feeling like I have really weird friends, maybe even alienating just like me, especially considering how I see cynicism and craziness prominent in a lot of them…or maybe they’re just doing a good job at exposing how cynical and crazy I myself have been. Or both…though the latter’s more likely. I got friends like Medieval Otaku, friends I consider wiser than me when it comes to the ways of God and the world. I got friends like silverbug28, friends I feel like debating with as well. And I got friends like PastorThomasNelson, friends I wanna go crazy with. Oh, and there’s also friends like Biwa/Kisaragi and YUuuu/Roa., who feel like really nice people to talk with, so nice that I feel shy and find myself struggling with self-loathing again, though at the same time, I wanna talk and work with them more.

You know what, I really shouldn’t be scared if I have friends who really are like this guy here…because I’m the same, yo!

Alright, I should just love myself, and at the same time (not one before the other, yo), love others and God Almighty. With that, it’s time to understand, acknowledge, and improve! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much yet again!

Now, is there anything else I consider worth talking about for this announcement/reflection/update post…? Writing? Like, fiction and poetry I made and posted as Tobby? Well, I consider “The Most Beautiful Challenge” my favorite original fiction piece I posted during 2018 (though I made it during the year before it), while “The Empress and Her Guard” is my favorite poem I posted during 2018 (and I also made it during 2017, I think). I also find my 2018 progress for my Fate Series fanfic Crawling to the Dawn impressive. And I also made one comic during 2018, and along with that are a new bunch of practice drawings, which also got me learning from a CYA bro that I need to work on my foundations (e.g. circles and lines and all that for figures and stuff), thus getting me motivated to some practice drawings for that:

You know what, I’ll throw in one more drawing I haven’t posted yet:

Note: This was made before the foundation practice drawings.

And with that…well, I’m back to zero again. Guess it’s time to end this post, then.

So yeah, that’s pretty much what 2018 got me, I think. I feel like I missed something, but I guess I’ll leave that to y’all readers of mine. I can’t just sit here thinking and typing about this forever, y’know! That, and I can and should make blog post writing less on-the-spot (e.g. setting an upload date and writing the post for a set number of days before that date). Besides, considering what I’ve learned, the best works of art are well-planned surprises, so yeah…and man, doesn’t that sound like something God Almighty’s real good at?

Praise and thanks be to God very much yet again, then. And hey, Happy New Year to all of you, too! God keep on blessing you all!

Christmas Reflection (2018)

Jesus’ birth on earth is quite a Mystery (capitalization intended), so much that most people would probably consider everyone involved crazy and questionable.

But funnily enough, that’s just one of many ways God Almighty shows that He loves us. And for one to love, there’s gotta be understanding, right? So there, we have a God who understands how crazy and questionable we can be, to the point that He would even risk receiving ridicule and harm even from the very start. I mean, really, He could’ve just left Adam and Eve to rot away after kicking them out of Eden, but He still stuck around for them and all their descendants. Isn’t that quite something, then?

Compare that to when Jesus was born. God Almighty the Son comes into this crappy earth with parents forced to stay in a cave and Himself placed in a feed holder. He’s wriggling and crying around in it like every other human baby, and He’s not shooting laser beams or shock waves out of His body. Also, He and His family on earth went to the land of His foster father’s ancestors, all because the ruling Roman Empire wanted to make a count and evaluation of the whole population and property within their conquered lands. Along with that, lights and angels ended up scaring shepherds who were near the place where Jesus was born, and what they got wasn’t “FEAR ME, YOUR SINFUL WORLD IS DOOMED FOR DAMNATION” but…

“Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people; for to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” – Luke 2:10-12

And they still said that and praised God Almighty even after they gave them poor foolish shepherds a scare. The shepherds did pay the Holy Family a visit afterwards and even gave praise and thanks to God because of that, but trying to look at it from their shoes back when the angels told them about Jesus, I probably would’ve been scared and confused as well. I mean, it’s God Almighty, that great mysterious being with so much power, so much that just a bit of it can crush us dust particles into even smaller particles! I’d definitely be expecting something big first, especially with His promises to save a nation or a race or a freaking big bunch of people from a bigger and more evil force! And if He shows up, He’s definitely gonna do it in a way so amazing that we’d end up scared and confused!

And then Jesus Christ was born the lowest of the low on earth. And the angels were still glorifying God Almighty, even with that. They even gave some directions to where He was at.

My pridefully self-deprecating personality would definitely be offended by that, because man, why is God Almighty trying to outdo my ass in self-deprecation? He ain’t even poor! He’s Perfection! Ultimate Perfection! Stop trying to one-up me, God!

But really, thinking about it another way, I can see that God does love us. He let Himself be born on earth so helpless as an infant, it’s as if He’s really risking receiving ridicule and harm even from the very start of His life here…and speaking of the very start, He was already risking it even during His stay in Mama Mary’s womb, which would’ve caused bigtime chaos from their society on earth if they ever found out about it, considering things like how that happened right before she and her betrothed Saint Joseph actually got married. I even feel like saying “He understands us” alone wouldn’t be enough to show the depths of His love for us! Try taking some time to understand how He managed to relate to us through just His conception and birth, then, and remember that that’s just a part of all the many great things that God Almighty has done for us.

And you know what? Even with all those lowly conditions of His birth on earth, Jesus didn’t even hide the fact that He is God Almighty. He didn’t pretend to be human, but He lived as the great and mysterious being that He has been, still is, and will forever be, one both full God and full human in a way beyond our human sense of mathematics and science and all that. He had angels announce His arrival, and He didn’t lord His power over us the way we twisted humans tend to do. Instead, He asked us not to be afraid. He also asked us to find Him, and He even gave us directions.

And at the same time, He was even risking getting found and attacked by enemies. Light is not supposed to be hidden, after all, and Lucifer would certainly be at work already, trying to find a way to pervert the light of God to his liking, but still, God’s light and His exposure of it never means giving up or losing, for how can the Ultimate Perfection lose?

So who was He letting Himself be in danger for, then? Really, even a believer like me has times when I doubt His actions for us. After all, He is the Ultimate Perfection. What point does He think He can make by stooping to our lowly level? That He understands? Doesn’t He already understand? He knows everything, right? Why doesn’t He do anything to make us better already, to do as we want?

And then I look again at the other parts of the life of Christ. I find Him telling me and the rest of imperfect humanity off, and it makes me feel like I should’ve stumbled upon His manger and crushed Him or something, but even in His suffering, I feel like I will always lose and He will always win.

Why, then?

Why would He go so low for us? For someone like me? For all this crap the Father’s Creation turned itself into? Can He even understand this self-hatred we imperfect humans all have?

And then I remember again: He lowered Himself to our level. Somehow, He never sins, but He lowered Himself to our level. He could have left us alone to rot, could have treated us like how we usually like to treat criminals, but He didn’t. And if we asked for Him to leave us alone, He would…for a while. But even then, He wouldn’t force us to follow Him. He would let us stumble around, let us be fools, let us choose to be with Him or not, all while He still calls us and gives us directions and all that. He even leaves Himself open to any attacks from us!

A prideful personality would never be able to comprehend that. A prideful personality would have a hard time accepting the great and perfect complexity that is God Almighty. A prideful personality would think itself more beautifully complex than God Almighty. Help would be seen as self-serving. Smiles would be seen as masks. Emptiness would be seen as peace. The self is all that matters.

Heh, with how we make and share all them jokes and memes and quotes in which we summarize humanity while claiming that we are more complex than that, we might as well just stop and just bow down to God. Really, who else made us beautifully complex and even more beautifully complex? And why do others matter to us as much as our selves do? Why do we still fight on and strive for improvement and progress?

And so, I would like to give thanks and praise to God. I could list down all the things that are making my life so crappy right now, but counting nothing is too easy, so yeah, let’s up the difficulty and get humbled harder than when I listen to Kendrick Lamar.

First off, I would like to thank God for giving me another year of life. I’m fumbling, still, but nice things still happen to me, even when I feel like I don’t deserve them ’cause I’m a giant idiot. I guess taking the love God gives me can be called self-love as well, then? Like, I think love for self, love for others, and love for God are things that happen together, see. It’s not one before the other, but all three happening together…kinda like the Holy Trinity. All powered by God, of course.

And then I would like to thank God for giving me and my girlfriend strength to get to a year with our relationship. Really, I’m starting to understand why them Catholic mentors value the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony so much…and yes, we’re considering that even now. We wanna be serious about this, y’know? So yeah, more God-centeredness so that we can endure and strengthen each other better. How my girl and I can stand each other for so long, how my parents can stand each other for so long, how all those great couples I look up can stand each other for so long…Yup, definitely powered by God Almighty.

Now, I would like to thank God Almighty very much for giving me friends IRL and online, from high school friends and university religious orgmates to Discord server buddies and fellow crazy fans. I wouldn’t say that they’re the best people in the world, but I also wouldn’t say that they’re not important to me. They help me figure myself out and be myself, both through their challenging flaws and their supportive strengths. And even though there are a bunch who have beliefs that are crazily different from mine, I can see the face of Jesus in them all. And hey, if I’m managing to improve even with such crazy peeps as my friends, then I think that’s more God Almighty at work.

And then I would like to thank God Almighty for my education. Not every Filipino can go as far as the University of the Philippines, let alone reach Graduating status there, and even though I have my complaints about it, it would be self-destruction if I never acknowledge how it has helped me be who I am now. And hey, even my failures in school are things I would like to thank God for, for they got me slowing down to see how I can improve as well. Maybe I’ll be delayed for longer again, or maybe I won’t, but whatever happens, I know I can’t learn the best I can learn without God’s power, so yeah. Also, it’s definitely God Almighty at work if I can live well enough past all them teachers and classmates with beliefs that get me stressed a lot.

I would like to thank God Almighty for all these talents and skills too, as I would never feel like somebody without them and their development. The chance to show my talents and skills off is already something to be grateful for, too, and so is the chance to get feedback on them, even though they can be difficult stuff. All these talents and skills and their development are certainly things from God, indeed. Oh, and so are the inspirations for them. A bunch of them aren’t great believers in God, but there’s no good reason to be cynical, especially with all them bits of goodness that are like precious metals and minerals to be mined from the dirt and crafted into more worthwhile pieces. Thank God Almighty very much, indeed.

And now I would like to thank God Almighty for my family. They’re not that poor in materials, and they’re not poor in character as well! They go all the way for me, even risking getting failure, mockery, harm, and all that as they help me grow and be myself. They have their flaws, and they wish that I would understand them better, but I can see that they are trying to understand me better, too! They let me go for Creative Writing in college, they gave me a boarding house unit more expensive but more convenient, they try to understand my interests, and they are honest and constructive when they don’t like something about me. They help me get closer to God, and they help me fit into the community better. And man, thinking about how family has been helping me, there’s so much more, so much more that it makes me think that I still have a lot I can thank God for in all the previous aspects I covered in all these thanksgivings. I think I can see more of how the family is the basic unit of society again, too! I wouldn’t have been able to work up all the things before without them, and of course, the family is nothing without God Almighty!

And yeah, I would like to praise and thank God Almighty very much again for all the faith, hope, and love, and all that good stuff He gives. Considering the story of Jesus’ conception and birth, He certainly knows how we struggle to maintain good relationships, how we struggle to build a good family, how we struggle to make a good living, how we struggle to fight against oppression, and so much more…so much that I even feel like I don’t need to be ashamed of being Filipino as well. Thank God Almighty very much again and again and again, indeed!

So yeah, that’s a lot of gifts I got this Christmas, no? Really, it’s quite surprising in both quality and quantity…and I don’t think I’ve counted everything yet!

Well, I guess I’ll have to ask God for directions and follow Him, then. I already got good stuff, so why not go for better? And hey, why don’t we share all this good stuff we got with each other?

With that, I greet you all a Merry Christmas! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much! \(^o^)/

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – November 2018

Okay, I feel like whatever specifics I have about the events of this month are blurred because of how tough it has been for me. Still, I’m certain that I’ve been managing to reach out for improvement and blessings, so thank God Almighty very much again and again and again!

And hey, I should say that all that stress has gotten me making real interesting Tobbywork pieces, and so far, the most interesting to me there are two poems. I also have some fanfiction chapters in the works, and I decided to indulge my impulse to write a Danganronpa fanfiction. I also have a KagePro fanfiction up on the list of stuff nearing the upload phase, but I think I may need to revise it some more…

Oh, and I really should get to recording them rap lyrics I already wrote down, especially a sort of relaxation from all the stresses of my daily duties and responsibilities and all that schtick. That, and freestyle more. I’ve been finding myself enjoying hip-hop more and more lately, y’know? Like, I even enjoy learning about its history! And I don’t freaking mind if I’m gonna mix my hip-hop practice with my appreciation for Vocaloid music~

Ah, and speaking of music, I’ve made a new Spotify playlist. I don’t feel like explaining how that came about, though. My head’s flown off my shoulders more than enough, yo.

As for school, I have to deal with projects and finish them within a week or two. Like, they’re creative outputs and critical papers, and let them be proof that being a Creative Writing student is just another brand of difficulty, even if it’s my passion. Though hey, I’d like to thank God Almighty very much, still, for I can feel Him through things like how after-school has been more and more fun with my religious org now in my life…like, I’m now an official member of it, too!

And speaking of God, man, I can feel Him pushing me to be more consistent in terms of following Him. Like, even through loved ones I manage to piss off with my fame-obsessed ass and skeptical peers I have to deal with everyday. Witnessing the merciful justice of the former and the relatable complexity of the latter makes me wanna praise and thank God very much, alright. God Almighty keep on helping us all, then!

Now, here are the posts I put up in this blog this month:

Oh, and I should draw some more again during my free time, too…

Anyway, honest constructive feedback. You know what to do! ^_^

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – October 2018

Been making big progress with schoolworks lately, and I can feel myself becoming more like a diamond in a lot of other things, too~

Also, I think I’ll read my previous update post whenever I write a new one more, even if it can be embarrassing. That’s something I should’ve been doing before, too…

Oh, and my voice is working better now. Even managed to start working on the next freestyle rap practice set, and I have more confidence in singing a certain new KagePro song!

Anyway, gonna go chill out some more now, especially since this week is a week of no classes for me. Better not forget certain pieces of homework, though, even if all that’s left for me to do is to print ’em out and keep ’em with me until I can submit ’em…

Ah, and before I forget, here are the posts of the month:

And hey, honest constructive feedback. Don’t forget that.

God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Also, Happy Halloween, I guess? If “Aspiring Devout Roman Catholic” counts as a monster, then yay, no more costume worries~