Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – December 2018 + 2018 in Review

I’ll be honest: 2018 felt like a long year for me, and I realized that as I looked back at all the MTPAU posts I made for the past months of that year. Updates have been less frequent, and I hadn’t posted anything else during February. Still, it’s not like nothing good came out of all of that, so yeah, praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much because of that, then.

And speaking of good stuff, I should continue counting my blessings, and perhaps this sort of post can be quite a good way to do better~

But first, I’d like to get December 2018’s list of posts out of the way:

Now, back to what I was going to talk more about: blessings. I think I’ve said something like this before in my Christmas reflection this year, but anyway, blessings are stuff to count more than lack, and of course, it’s more difficult to do than counting zero and repeating zero over and over and over. I mean, really, think about the difficulty of going “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten” and so on compared to just saying “Zero” over and over and over again. Zero counting’s too easy for me, and I’ve been getting bored of it, though at the same time, it becomes tempting when the difficulty in counting gets higher and higher.

Zero counting becomes particularly tempting, though, when I try to count how many blessings I alone have brought upon myself:

Zero

Get it?

Now, as much as it can be real nice to feel like I can sing Drake’s “All Me” with confidence, that is something I can only achieve by lying to myself. Okay, so what does that leave me with? Self-deprecation like we usually do these days, especially online? What does that make all my growth, then? And what does that make all your growth? Social constructs created by the lying minds and hearts of humanity? If so, then why the freaking nuts are we still here, then?

Thus, I find myself seeing more and more sense in giving praise and thanks to God Almighty very much every single day. Oh, and I’m now an officially committed member of my university’s Christ’s Youth in Action. I’m quite surprised by how fast it took for me to get there, really…and I thought I was being lazy the whole time, going to all those gatherings because I felt the pressures of free time and parental guidance! God Almighty has been blessing a fool, indeed! Then again, Saint Paul already had a written note about that before in 1 Corinthians 4:10, so yeah, way ahead of me in the discovery there, yo…and that’s not even the first time it’s been proven that God’s been blessing fools.

And I could just refuse all those blessings and say “God, please let me prove myself by myself alone,” but as I have learned so many times before, that is simply an exercise in futility, for I’d be like the dumb preachers in Flannery O’Connor’s fiction pieces if I insist on doing that. Well, that, and God Almighty loves us as much as we ask Him to, and we can only prove ourselves when God lets us. Really, where does all the goodness in the universe come from, anyway? The void? Huh, no wonder I still find myself dumb and self-hating whenever I try to believe in me, myself, and I alone in living, then. Better not go tell others “Believe in yourself” without enough grounding, too. Does that make all the grinding we do pointless and unnecessary, though? Well, of course not, because we still have to teach each other about how to better count our blessings…and a bunch of us still don’t even know how to count blessings! I mean, really, just look at Our Lord Jesus Christ:

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He is carrying a blessing, and He’s gonna be nailed to that blessing. Sound like nonsense? Well, think of the Cross like it’s work, dear. It’s real difficult to carry, and we get better benefits by being nailed to it.

Seriously, with how we complain about work every single day, we might as well call it the most humiliating thing in life, all because of how tedious it can be and how empty it can make us feel with all the painful routine for shining rewards that easily slip away from us. Nailing ourselves to it would also make us more of a laughingstock to our fellow fools, then. I certainly felt something like that (mostly from myself, considering how things usually go for me) as I thought about how I was cutting down on my Tobbywork time and changing up the activities there for the sake of more important stuff. But remember: Crucifixion was the most humiliating way to go in Jesus’ time and society on earth, yet God Almighty the Son accepted such a fate for our sake. He let us treat Him like a slave so that He could get closer to us and show that He understands how much we feel like slaves too. Hard to imagine slave owners doing that, no? That, and it would make the prideful catch feelings, even if said prideful were also a slave trying to break free. I should know, ’cause I’ve had times when I considered any good non-existent as long as it were surrounded by evil…and thinking about it some more now, that’s quite a dangerous and cynical way to think about things, no?

And hey, the fact that we can do good is proof that we can relate to God Almighty! He’s Perfection, after all, and if He looks shady, then that’s just us foolish humans making Him look so. That, and if we’re nothing without God, then the fact that we can do good has to come from somewhere, nah?

Now, what the freaking nuts is all that religious rambling I’ve been doing? Well, it’s something I’ve been doing more and more of with the help of my lovely girlfriend (We’re now one year into our relationship, OH YEAH!) as well during the past year, helping me practice and express my faith better and better, especially as she stays with me despite how hurtful, stupid, and saddening I can be a bunch of times. I’ve been doing that rambling more through voice chats than through writing before, though, and now, thanks to all that help, I have gained more confidence in being more religious in public. Huh, and I guess CYA (and a lot more instruments of God Almighty) has been helping me more than I thought. Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much yet again, then!

Okay, now I should really go down to more ordinary levels and come out of the UFO I have been booming all my talk in. Like, I have been getting a lot of feedback, especially from school, about how my writing lately has been very…alienating.

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See what I mean?

And speaking of school, I’ve been doing okay…well, unless you count how I’m trying to catch up for my thesis, which caught me not taking it seriously enough, no matter how much I believed I was. Like, I’m still stuck in whipping up a decent proposal portfolio for the prerequisite Poetics class, and that state was also caused by how ignorant and ungrateful I was towards my education, particularly my university (Seriously, I have this strong feeling that I pissed off my Poetics Professor real hard). Bad news is that I may need to extend for another semester past the upcoming one and pay for that extension (and the boarding house unit rent and more), good news is that I only have one other lecture class to accomplish in my curriculum. In other words, I have to take this more seriously and make something freaking awesome with all this time I’m taking, and freaking nuts, I know I can, especially with God Almighty around! I gotta count my blessings and teach others how to count theirs as well! And really, thinking about it some more, isn’t that how research is supposed to go? Like, we have to look back at all the good things humanity has done before, and then we go build something better out of all that! It’s not an exercise in envy, but an exercise in growth. If we’re gonna note mistakes, failures, weaknesses, and voids and all that, then they’re for us to fill, fix, and improve…but that’s easier said than done. Again, zero counting can be quite tempting with its crazy easy, especially while going through struggle. Still, at the very least, we can do better, and God Almighty certainly understands how we need to struggle to do so! I mean, really, take another look at Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Praise and thanks be to Him very much again, yo!

Now, although I found a potentially better idea for my thesis recently, I’d like to take it easy right now and set it aside for after vacation. Again, I struggle with rushing stuff, and all that rushing makes me wanna be more complacent. That, and with how older I’m growing now, I gotta remember to learn and do chores and relaxation better. And thankfully, my family isn’t overdemanding, and if they are, then at the very least, they really strive well towards understanding us better. Otherwise, they’d probably be doing things like going all stingy on me about paying for the boarding house unit I have right now. And man, I think I’m realizing how more about how stupid I’ve been to them because of how I ask them not to bug me during my free time for my enjoyment, all while asking them at times to bug me hard during my free time to prevent excess, as if I don’t have any bit of ability to do so. I guess I really shouldn’t complain so much when they go hard on me, then. I mean, sure, they’re not perfect, but still, they know better than me, and I gotta know what I gotta work with and how to work it well before I go learn about how to work it better.

And as for my siblings, I really should give them more credit. One brother has more street smarts than me, my sister has better fashion, makeup, and sports sense, and the youngest brother is learning how to socialize and live better than we all thought! And I really should cut my remaining living grandparents some slack, since they’re peeps who taught my mother a lot about how to give it all for loved ones, and along with that, my parents will be as old as them one day, and I’ll be as old as my parents as well. If I don’t have faith in them, I might as well have no faith in myself and the rest of humanity. Good thing God’s here to help us out in our strive and struggle, then!

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And now, it’s time to remember what I have to deal with in my chores…and even relaxation as well.

So yeah, now I have to remember how much I good have with me as I work up stuff. I mean, why pretend to be from somewhere lower? Yes, even in rapping, which I’ve been doing more of during 2018. And yes, I now feel like I don’t need to pretend to be from some neighborhood that seems more impoverished than it actually is, especially after all the schooling I had to go through in many ways…Besides, if being rich and popular means being a clown, then hey, at least I got a decent job. Really, the world needs some better clowns too, yo!

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Just look at one of my inspirations right here. I really wanna outdo him, y’know? And I know I can. I look up to Saint John Bosco as well, yo!

Besides, there’s no need to be scared of going religious while being a clown too, especially since being real means being weirder than fiction! Them big rappers out there are complaining about getting their styles bitten, too, so yeah, I really should help them out with that! And hey, I guess God’s telling me something, considering how I have a leader bro in CYA who has some nice appreciation for rap as well! Praise and thanks be to Him very much again, then!

Oh, and speaking of music, I’ve been making and posting song covers and other music stuff with a pace closer to that of the pace my faves usually take with their work. So far, my girlfriend’s getting more and more impressed, so I guess I’m going somewhere better! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again, then! Also, I’d like some more and continued help with slowing down and being more careful with my work pace in general…Maybe I can even make and strengthen more friends through my work that way, too!

And speaking of friends, well, I’ve been feeling like I have really weird friends, maybe even alienating just like me, especially considering how I see cynicism and craziness prominent in a lot of them…or maybe they’re just doing a good job at exposing how cynical and crazy I myself have been. Or both…though the latter’s more likely. I got friends like Medieval Otaku, friends I consider wiser than me when it comes to the ways of God and the world. I got friends like silverbug28, friends I feel like debating with as well. And I got friends like PastorThomasNelson, friends I wanna go crazy with. Oh, and there’s also friends like Biwa/Kisaragi and YUuuu/Roa., who feel like really nice people to talk with, so nice that I feel shy and find myself struggling with self-loathing again, though at the same time, I wanna talk and work with them more.

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You know what, I really shouldn’t be scared if I have friends who really are like this guy here…because I’m the same, yo!

Alright, I should just love myself, and at the same time (not one before the other, yo), love others and God Almighty. With that, it’s time to understand, acknowledge, and improve! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much yet again!

Now, is there anything else I consider worth talking about for this announcement/reflection/update post…? Writing? Like, fiction and poetry I made and posted as Tobby? Well, I consider “The Most Beautiful Challenge” my favorite original fiction piece I posted during 2018 (though I made it during the year before it), while “The Empress and Her Guard” is my favorite poem I posted during 2018 (and I also made it during 2017, I think). I also find my 2018 progress for my Fate Series fanfic Crawling to the Dawn impressive. And I also made one comic during 2018, and along with that are a new bunch of practice drawings, which also got me learning from a CYA bro that I need to work on my foundations (e.g. circles and lines and all that for figures and stuff), thus getting me motivated to some practice drawings for that:

You know what, I’ll throw in one more drawing I haven’t posted yet:

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Note: This was made before the foundation practice drawings.

And with that…well, I’m back to zero again. Guess it’s time to end this post, then.

So yeah, that’s pretty much what 2018 got me, I think. I feel like I missed something, but I guess I’ll leave that to y’all readers of mine. I can’t just sit here thinking and typing about this forever, y’know! That, and I can and should make blog post writing less on-the-spot (e.g. setting an upload date and writing the post for a set number of days before that date). Besides, considering what I’ve learned, the best works of art are well-planned surprises, so yeah…and man, doesn’t that sound like something God Almighty’s real good at?

Praise and thanks be to God very much yet again, then. And hey, Happy New Year to all of you, too! God keep on blessing you all!

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Christmas Reflection (2018)

Jesus’ birth on earth is quite a Mystery (capitalization intended), so much that most people would probably consider everyone involved crazy and questionable.

But funnily enough, that’s just one of many ways God Almighty shows that He loves us. And for one to love, there’s gotta be understanding, right? So there, we have a God who understands how crazy and questionable we can be, to the point that He would even risk receiving ridicule and harm even from the very start. I mean, really, He could’ve just left Adam and Eve to rot away after kicking them out of Eden, but He still stuck around for them and all their descendants. Isn’t that quite something, then?

Compare that to when Jesus was born. God Almighty the Son comes into this crappy earth with parents forced to stay in a cave and Himself placed in a feed holder. He’s wriggling and crying around in it like every other human baby, and He’s not shooting laser beams or shock waves out of His body. Also, He and His family on earth went to the land of His foster father’s ancestors, all because the ruling Roman Empire wanted to make a count and evaluation of the whole population and property within their conquered lands. Along with that, lights and angels ended up scaring shepherds who were near the place where Jesus was born, and what they got wasn’t “FEAR ME, YOUR SINFUL WORLD IS DOOMED FOR DAMNATION” but…

“Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people; for to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” – Luke 2:10-12

And they still said that and praised God Almighty even after they gave them poor foolish shepherds a scare. The shepherds did pay the Holy Family a visit afterwards and even gave praise and thanks to God because of that, but trying to look at it from their shoes back when the angels told them about Jesus, I probably would’ve been scared and confused as well. I mean, it’s God Almighty, that great mysterious being with so much power, so much that just a bit of it can crush us dust particles into even smaller particles! I’d definitely be expecting something big first, especially with His promises to save a nation or a race or a freaking big bunch of people from a bigger and more evil force! And if He shows up, He’s definitely gonna do it in a way so amazing that we’d end up scared and confused!

And then Jesus Christ was born the lowest of the low on earth. And the angels were still glorifying God Almighty, even with that. They even gave some directions to where He was at.

My pridefully self-deprecating personality would definitely be offended by that, because man, why is God Almighty trying to outdo my ass in self-deprecation? He ain’t even poor! He’s Perfection! Ultimate Perfection! Stop trying to one-up me, God!

But really, thinking about it another way, I can see that God does love us. He let Himself be born on earth so helpless as an infant, it’s as if He’s really risking receiving ridicule and harm even from the very start of His life here…and speaking of the very start, He was already risking it even during His stay in Mama Mary’s womb, which would’ve caused bigtime chaos from their society on earth if they ever found out about it, considering things like how that happened right before she and her betrothed Saint Joseph actually got married. I even feel like saying “He understands us” alone wouldn’t be enough to show the depths of His love for us! Try taking some time to understand how He managed to relate to us through just His conception and birth, then, and remember that that’s just a part of all the many great things that God Almighty has done for us.

And you know what? Even with all those lowly conditions of His birth on earth, Jesus didn’t even hide the fact that He is God Almighty. He didn’t pretend to be human, but He lived as the great and mysterious being that He has been, still is, and will forever be, one both full God and full human in a way beyond our human sense of mathematics and science and all that. He had angels announce His arrival, and He didn’t lord His power over us the way we twisted humans tend to do. Instead, He asked us not to be afraid. He also asked us to find Him, and He even gave us directions.

And at the same time, He was even risking getting found and attacked by enemies. Light is not supposed to be hidden, after all, and Lucifer would certainly be at work already, trying to find a way to pervert the light of God to his liking, but still, God’s light and His exposure of it never means giving up or losing, for how can the Ultimate Perfection lose?

So who was He letting Himself be in danger for, then? Really, even a believer like me has times when I doubt His actions for us. After all, He is the Ultimate Perfection. What point does He think He can make by stooping to our lowly level? That He understands? Doesn’t He already understand? He knows everything, right? Why doesn’t He do anything to make us better already, to do as we want?

And then I look again at the other parts of the life of Christ. I find Him telling me and the rest of imperfect humanity off, and it makes me feel like I should’ve stumbled upon His manger and crushed Him or something, but even in His suffering, I feel like I will always lose and He will always win.

Why, then?

Why would He go so low for us? For someone like me? For all this crap the Father’s Creation turned itself into? Can He even understand this self-hatred we imperfect humans all have?

And then I remember again: He lowered Himself to our level. Somehow, He never sins, but He lowered Himself to our level. He could have left us alone to rot, could have treated us like how we usually like to treat criminals, but He didn’t. And if we asked for Him to leave us alone, He would…for a while. But even then, He wouldn’t force us to follow Him. He would let us stumble around, let us be fools, let us choose to be with Him or not, all while He still calls us and gives us directions and all that. He even leaves Himself open to any attacks from us!

A prideful personality would never be able to comprehend that. A prideful personality would have a hard time accepting the great and perfect complexity that is God Almighty. A prideful personality would think itself more beautifully complex than God Almighty. Help would be seen as self-serving. Smiles would be seen as masks. Emptiness would be seen as peace. The self is all that matters.

Heh, with how we make and share all them jokes and memes and quotes in which we summarize humanity while claiming that we are more complex than that, we might as well just stop and just bow down to God. Really, who else made us beautifully complex and even more beautifully complex? And why do others matter to us as much as our selves do? Why do we still fight on and strive for improvement and progress?

And so, I would like to give thanks and praise to God. I could list down all the things that are making my life so crappy right now, but counting nothing is too easy, so yeah, let’s up the difficulty and get humbled harder than when I listen to Kendrick Lamar.

First off, I would like to thank God for giving me another year of life. I’m fumbling, still, but nice things still happen to me, even when I feel like I don’t deserve them ’cause I’m a giant idiot. I guess taking the love God gives me can be called self-love as well, then? Like, I think love for self, love for others, and love for God are things that happen together, see. It’s not one before the other, but all three happening together…kinda like the Holy Trinity. All powered by God, of course.

And then I would like to thank God for giving me and my girlfriend strength to get to a year with our relationship. Really, I’m starting to understand why them Catholic mentors value the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony so much…and yes, we’re considering that even now. We wanna be serious about this, y’know? So yeah, more God-centeredness so that we can endure and strengthen each other better. How my girl and I can stand each other for so long, how my parents can stand each other for so long, how all those great couples I look up can stand each other for so long…Yup, definitely powered by God Almighty.

Now, I would like to thank God Almighty very much for giving me friends IRL and online, from high school friends and university religious orgmates to Discord server buddies and fellow crazy fans. I wouldn’t say that they’re the best people in the world, but I also wouldn’t say that they’re not important to me. They help me figure myself out and be myself, both through their challenging flaws and their supportive strengths. And even though there are a bunch who have beliefs that are crazily different from mine, I can see the face of Jesus in them all. And hey, if I’m managing to improve even with such crazy peeps as my friends, then I think that’s more God Almighty at work.

And then I would like to thank God Almighty for my education. Not every Filipino can go as far as the University of the Philippines, let alone reach Graduating status there, and even though I have my complaints about it, it would be self-destruction if I never acknowledge how it has helped me be who I am now. And hey, even my failures in school are things I would like to thank God for, for they got me slowing down to see how I can improve as well. Maybe I’ll be delayed for longer again, or maybe I won’t, but whatever happens, I know I can’t learn the best I can learn without God’s power, so yeah. Also, it’s definitely God Almighty at work if I can live well enough past all them teachers and classmates with beliefs that get me stressed a lot.

I would like to thank God Almighty for all these talents and skills too, as I would never feel like somebody without them and their development. The chance to show my talents and skills off is already something to be grateful for, too, and so is the chance to get feedback on them, even though they can be difficult stuff. All these talents and skills and their development are certainly things from God, indeed. Oh, and so are the inspirations for them. A bunch of them aren’t great believers in God, but there’s no good reason to be cynical, especially with all them bits of goodness that are like precious metals and minerals to be mined from the dirt and crafted into more worthwhile pieces. Thank God Almighty very much, indeed.

And now I would like to thank God Almighty for my family. They’re not that poor in materials, and they’re not poor in character as well! They go all the way for me, even risking getting failure, mockery, harm, and all that as they help me grow and be myself. They have their flaws, and they wish that I would understand them better, but I can see that they are trying to understand me better, too! They let me go for Creative Writing in college, they gave me a boarding house unit more expensive but more convenient, they try to understand my interests, and they are honest and constructive when they don’t like something about me. They help me get closer to God, and they help me fit into the community better. And man, thinking about how family has been helping me, there’s so much more, so much more that it makes me think that I still have a lot I can thank God for in all the previous aspects I covered in all these thanksgivings. I think I can see more of how the family is the basic unit of society again, too! I wouldn’t have been able to work up all the things before without them, and of course, the family is nothing without God Almighty!

And yeah, I would like to praise and thank God Almighty very much again for all the faith, hope, and love, and all that good stuff He gives. Considering the story of Jesus’ conception and birth, He certainly knows how we struggle to maintain good relationships, how we struggle to build a good family, how we struggle to make a good living, how we struggle to fight against oppression, and so much more…so much that I even feel like I don’t need to be ashamed of being Filipino as well. Thank God Almighty very much again and again and again, indeed!

So yeah, that’s a lot of gifts I got this Christmas, no? Really, it’s quite surprising in both quality and quantity…and I don’t think I’ve counted everything yet!

Well, I guess I’ll have to ask God for directions and follow Him, then. I already got good stuff, so why not go for better? And hey, why don’t we share all this good stuff we got with each other?

With that, I greet you all a Merry Christmas! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much! \(^o^)/

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – November 2018

Okay, I feel like whatever specifics I have about the events of this month are blurred because of how tough it has been for me. Still, I’m certain that I’ve been managing to reach out for improvement and blessings, so thank God Almighty very much again and again and again!

And hey, I should say that all that stress has gotten me making real interesting Tobbywork pieces, and so far, the most interesting to me there are two poems. I also have some fanfiction chapters in the works, and I decided to indulge my impulse to write a Danganronpa fanfiction. I also have a KagePro fanfiction up on the list of stuff nearing the upload phase, but I think I may need to revise it some more…

Oh, and I really should get to recording them rap lyrics I already wrote down, especially a sort of relaxation from all the stresses of my daily duties and responsibilities and all that schtick. That, and freestyle more. I’ve been finding myself enjoying hip-hop more and more lately, y’know? Like, I even enjoy learning about its history! And I don’t freaking mind if I’m gonna mix my hip-hop practice with my appreciation for Vocaloid music~

Ah, and speaking of music, I’ve made a new Spotify playlist. I don’t feel like explaining how that came about, though. My head’s flown off my shoulders more than enough, yo.

As for school, I have to deal with projects and finish them within a week or two. Like, they’re creative outputs and critical papers, and let them be proof that being a Creative Writing student is just another brand of difficulty, even if it’s my passion. Though hey, I’d like to thank God Almighty very much, still, for I can feel Him through things like how after-school has been more and more fun with my religious org now in my life…like, I’m now an official member of it, too!

And speaking of God, man, I can feel Him pushing me to be more consistent in terms of following Him. Like, even through loved ones I manage to piss off with my fame-obsessed ass and skeptical peers I have to deal with everyday. Witnessing the merciful justice of the former and the relatable complexity of the latter makes me wanna praise and thank God very much, alright. God Almighty keep on helping us all, then!

Now, here are the posts I put up in this blog this month:

Oh, and I should draw some more again during my free time, too…

Anyway, honest constructive feedback. You know what to do! ^_^

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – October 2018

Been making big progress with schoolworks lately, and I can feel myself becoming more like a diamond in a lot of other things, too~

Also, I think I’ll read my previous update post whenever I write a new one more, even if it can be embarrassing. That’s something I should’ve been doing before, too…

Oh, and my voice is working better now. Even managed to start working on the next freestyle rap practice set, and I have more confidence in singing a certain new KagePro song!

Anyway, gonna go chill out some more now, especially since this week is a week of no classes for me. Better not forget certain pieces of homework, though, even if all that’s left for me to do is to print ’em out and keep ’em with me until I can submit ’em…

Ah, and before I forget, here are the posts of the month:

And hey, honest constructive feedback. Don’t forget that.

God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Also, Happy Halloween, I guess? If “Aspiring Devout Roman Catholic” counts as a monster, then yay, no more costume worries~

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – September 2018

This month has been a month of big and sharp ups and downs for me. Thank God Almighty very much for helping me get through it with strength and worthwhile times, then, especially with other people out there.

Still, I got a long way to go, and it’s quite a pain, but at least I can progress. More thesis research and other class assignments need to be done, but all the hard work along with all the moral support got me thinking of a likely interesting and more detailed ideas for not only my thesis but also my other pieces of homework. I also practiced rapping so hard that I got myself a sore throat and a runny nose, but I also found myself improving with it through doing IRL stuff as well, especially school stuff. And I angst in public silence with my complicated dislike for the classroom discussions I’ve been having lots lately, but at least I can still manage to reach out to my loved ones, people who’d stay with me and help me improve even as I have thoughts that piss them off or, at least, make them very worried and disturbed. Oh, and my egotistic ambitiousness be making me mix up being just and being petty, among a lot of other bad mixtures, but at least the knowledge of the good I’ll be losing and missing hits me harder later on…though that doesn’t sound as awesome as I try to make it out to be, now that I think about it again.

So yeah, apologies and thanks to y’all. You know who you are…Well, I don’t even know if you bother reading this stuff, but still. Sorry and thanks very much again. And I’m sending that to God Almighty as well, ’cause He’s always here for me and everyone else, bugging us about living truly better lives despite Him getting ignored a lot.

Now, here are my past posts from this month:

Also, I’d like to send shout-outs to Roa and Pharaoh Beatz. I worked for Roa as a translator + narrator for his short 3DCG film titled “ANIMA,” while I went tsundere over Pharaoh Beatz and his beats after he promoted himself in the comments to my FRPC No. 7 (like, I really really regret deleting his comment over there, too, so do give at least a listen or two to his fire).

As for hints about my future posts, well, Crawling to the Dawn is going nuttier with the action and drama so far, my next FRPC has me pushing my limits even more, and I still haven’t started on a video for any of my finished and video-production-queued music tracks…and I even have a building pile of spontaneously started yet still unfinished music projects, still. Original short stories? Well, the closest I have to that are my schoolworks, but that’ll take a long while before I really release them online, (especially the thesis creative output, if it’s even possible for me to publish outside the academic archives). And I haven’t even factored my gaming and my browsing there yet!

So yeah, God Almighty keep on helping us all, and I’d like to ask for honest constructive feedback yet again. Insert weird sound signifying nutty exit here. Perhaps a “Zoom!” trailing off with a “zzzzzzz…” instead of an “mmmmm!” after the “ooh” hits a high note can work…?

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – August 2018

School’s back, and it’s tough. Like, really tough that I feel like memeing about it, disturbingly normalized exaggerations and all. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I did manage to post more Tobbyworks than last month, though. That, and if you’ve been looking at my social media and my pixiv, I’ve been posting some drawings I made as well. It’s not a skyrocket of an improvement, but it’s better than nothing, and it has some distance from nothing~ ^_^

Okay, frankly, life’s going tough for me on a sensitive and personal level right now, so yeah, I won’t be saying much about it. Here’s a list of the posts from this ending month, then:

Stress got me thinking and making more Tobbyworks, though, so yeah, hopefully, y’all be getting more from me in the near future. I need to chill out more, alright…God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – July 2018

I think the lone post of this ending month says something about how I’ve gotten into the Danganronpa series again recently. Like, even being spoiled about it is making me wanna go through it more and more, and I also feel like pieces of it, if not all of it, can be the subject of academic discussions!

But if we’re gonna talk about everything else, which aren’t as prominent as that here, well, there’s school time coming and going, with that crash course Midyear term cleared well enough and a new Academic Year starting up…and this Academic Year shall be my last as an undergraduate university student, hopefully. Considering how I’ve been doing before, I can whip up work for school on time and with decent quality, but the bigger concerns I tend to have with classes are being on time for classes and participating in class discussions. I could blame travel obstacles on the road and bad behavior in my classmates, but then again, what’s worse than being unable to clean whatever mess is around us is choosing not to clean whatever mess is within us. So yeah, I better work up my will and get help from God Almighty for that as well, because I don’t know anyone or anything else that can make my fickle will more steadfast and well-directed, among many other ordinary improvements that are beginning to look more and more miraculous to me.

Also, I had quite a Midyear term with all that dancing. I think I’ll need to watch dance tutorials and have a more formal sense of it before trying to make up some moves of my own, though…

As for music, I have new stuff being cooked up with my random finger placements and looped instrument patterns. There’s also them rap remix lyrics, particularly for certain Vocaloid songs, and there’s also them lyrics for my original tracks. Song covers can suddenly pop up, too. And as I think about my taste in music, I seem to have quite an inclination towards pop, which is weird considering how I also have the urge to clown it. I guess I should study and practice music more, then. Perhaps doing so with other people, especially the more experienced ones, would be a bigger help, too.

As for writing…well, I remember communicating with a fan who sent me a private message over there at FanFiction.net because they were concerned about whether or not I was quitting working on my fanfics. Meanwhile, doing original works is something I’d be doing more for Creative Writing workshop classes right now, though I am considering putting the final versions of my final projects for those classes up here online as long as they’ve been submitted and graded already. Anyway, bottom line is that I’m more focused on IRL responsibilities right now, since I can’t work on my side projects if I can’t hold my core together right.

And speaking of my core, I still have struggles with avoiding world-shouldering. I’m not alone, though, considering the strangers, the figures, the acquaintances, the companions, and the loved ones I encounter everyday. I just need to stay in my zone, learn there, work there, and have faith as I do all that service with the best of my abilities. After all, I only have one role, and it’s not being God Almighty.

With that, I ask for honest constructive feedback yet again. God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Oh, and if you’re wondering about when my next updates will happen, these monthly update posts aside, then just remember that I’ll be doing it slow and sudden…which is pretty much the usual for me right now. So yeah.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – June 2018

I tried to sing DECO*27’s “Reversible Campaign” and reblogged a post by Mrs. Juneau about Pope Francis. That’s pretty much my list of posts for the month of June in the year 2018.

What have I been doing this June? Slowing my pace and focusing on more ordinary stuff to be able to make more extraordinary stuff. Still growing better at making friends online, too. Perhaps my calling also involves a considerable focus on Internet interaction, then?

And speaking of pace, them dance classes get a special mention. My body needs to get more used to such, though. I’m feeling more motivated to freestyle as exercise during the morning now…but only if I have a space where I can do so without causing too much of a disturbance. Looks like I better open my mind more, then.

Also, a few more weeks left ’til the Midyear Term ends. Better sharpen up my focus even more, then.

Oh, and I’ve been playing the first Danganronpa on Steam a lot more lately as well, along with reading fanfics of it again. I should take my recent gaming and reading sessions with all that as a reminder to schedule better, too.

Ah, and I’ve been managing to write more lyrics. Of course, recording them as audio is another matter. So is mixing, so is video-making, so is uploading, and so is sharing. And speaking of recording, I managed to record some freestyle raps, and research and experience are having me consider trying to freestyle slower so that my brain can learn how to work with my mouth better.

And speaking of my brain, I gotta get more sleep. Will show up suddenly again, probably with some piece of writing I said I’d post before, though you can expect me having more activity on social media, activity with worth I’ve been questioning lately for the sake of my good health. And I can expect your honest constructive feedback to show up suddenly, too, so yeah~

Anyway, God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – May 2018

Although I call this ongoing and end-nearing two-week vacation (I chose to go for a summer term as well this year, see) a long vacation now, I’ve still been feeling more like taking it easy with the Tobbyworks. And hey, life outside Tobbyworks also has lots of fun, and Tobbyworks can give me as much struggles as IRL stuff does.

And speaking of IRL stuff, I got myself some above average overall grades for some of my Creative Writing classes, and the appreciation I’ve gotten for ’em from my loved ones has me feeling more like uploading them online sometime! Of course, the lessons learned from those classes are another main reason for that feeling boost!

As for my other writings as Tobby, well, they’re going slow but sure. The same can apply to my music works and whatever other creative stuff I put out here. Why I felt like reiterating that is because of a review on the FanFiction.net upload of that Fate fanfic of mine, “Crawling to the Dawn,” which made me chuckle because the reviewer thought I wouldn’t be updating it anymore due to the long wait I’ve been causing. Of course, as such a work, like a lot of my other works as Tobby so far, is pretty much a side project of mine, projects I work on while I’m not working on IRL stuff, so yeah, I don’t think it would be worth it for me to mope so much about causing such a long wait. I’ve been moping too much in my life already, and if it would mean losing some impatient followers, then alright. I’m sure them peeps can still find other ways to brighten up their days…and I’ll have to pray to God to make that more certain, too.

Speaking of music, though, I’ve managed to get some more guitar practice in again lately, although irregular and with a borrowed guitar. To be more specific, I’m learning how to play my own composition (a currently unfinished one) better. A lot of my favorite hits would have to wait until my fingers become more flexible and all that, hahaha…

And I suddenly remembered how I used to own a diary…which was filled with a lot of teenage angst. Welp, thank God very much that I’ve improved, then, hahaha! XD

Anyway, I only have poems and some music stuff uploaded for the month of May this year! Check all these out, yo:

Honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated! \(^o^ )

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – April 2018

And the only post I have for this month is my cover of Mikito-P’s “Yuudachi no Ribbon.” Welp.

But really, though, it’s been a whirlwind of worthwhile ordinary for me this past month, even with the challenges, and even with today and last night being a particularly tough time for me, as I had spun my head off thinking about my music playlist in relation to my phone’s memory, followed by recently realizing that I forgot to write up a monthly update post past all my rushy working and lazy chilling. Creative Writing classes have already entered workshop phase, I’m writing and revising my pieces while struggling to crush my pride, and exams and final papers and activities in other subjects are coming up…and I still don’t feel like calling this sort of time as “Hell Week,” even as I realize that I need to be more flexible as I strive to do my ordinary duties extraordinarily well. God Almighty and all the loved ones and even all the tough challengers He has for me, well, they get lots of thanks from me for that, alright. ^_^

And speaking of creative works I’ve been making in my Creative Writing classes, maybe I’ll even post them up online too. I’ll have to see what grades they get after I’m done with them first, though.

And before I think of doing stuff like posting up those poems with readings of mine on queue, writing more of my fanfiction, and making music videos for a bunch of my music stuff, I should get to working on the rest of my academic requirements more first. Again, they’ll show up suddenly, so yeah.

And of course, honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated! \(^o^ )