Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #9

People who say that rules shouldn’t exist really don’t know what they’re saying. Rules are like our heart. Take ’em away, and we won’t exist. Without rules, evil won’t exist, yeah, but good won’t exist as well. As for the “rules” that bring us down, those are pretty much because of our imperfections, our defective senses that we are burdened with. Those “rules” are not the rules. They look like rules to us because we’re not perfect when it comes to distinguishing what the true rules and the false rules are. And with our defective senses, I realized that faith is a freaking important thing in living our lives. Sure, there will be trouble. Sure, there will be doubts. They’re things that will happen with and because of our defects. But having faith, having optimism…we’ll have to live without being sure about everything that’s ahead of us, but hey, faith, optimism…they aren’t as bad as they seem, and they aren’t as useless as they seem. God is a genius, and He looks dumb because our senses are defective. He’s not the dumb one, and He won’t be the dumb one. We’re the dumb ones. Yet, hope still exists, and true goodness shows that it’s alive through so many ways. We’ll stumble at times, and we’ll fall at times, but I won’t live a life of self-deprecation and laziness, and I won’t try to live without other people, because we can be better, and we can make each other happy. We need to be better, and we need each other. My words here won’t be liked by at least one person, I think, but hey, that’s expected from something that’s made by a human being. Still, I can do good. We can do good. Praise the Lord, and God Almighty keep on helping us.

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #8

I really really hate loathing any person. No exceptions. I’ve already realized how unhealthy loathing any person is, you know. Like, we got awesomeness within us, and we need each other so that we can survive and find true happiness too. But hey, our imperfections are real things too. Our imperfections often keep us away from seeing our potential for awesomeness. When we get in trouble, we’re always responsible for it, and often, we try to believe in the “It’s not my fault” delusion. Our suffering is our fault, and I guess that’s why we often hate ourselves. But you know, what keeps me going and hopeful is our potential for awesomeness. Our potential for awesomeness is a real thing too. We people shouldn’t be here right now if our potential for awesomeness doesn’t exist, you know. So yeah, there’s hope, and we can fight against our weaknesses. And the person talking here is Tobby, a person who is, as usual, very angry at all the self-loathing that I see in myself and in other people. Ah, yes, I really wanna shove Holy Hand Grenades into the holes that we see a lot in bad behavior.

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #7

I’m not a dog person. I’m okay with caring for animals, but if you want to ask me to care for a dog on a daily basis, I’ll probably be in prison or something after a bunch of days of trying to do that properly.

When I see a dog, roaming around without a leash or a guarding human on the street, I tend to be wary of the dog. Wary to the point that I think that it’ll pounce on me if it looks at me. And when they bark, I tend to run away and maybe even scream in fear.

When it comes to the dogs in my family’s house, though, they’re mostly annoying, unlike Theo the relaxed cat. Cody and Blythe tend to get noisy and touchy-feely when they’re hungry or when they need to pee or poop. I feel like I’ll be wounded very badly when they jump up to reach for my face in affection or something. They also tend to mess up things in the house with more damage when they’re unleashed. Plants and soil are dug out, slippers become chew toys, annoying stuff like that. And when they bark–Damn, when they freaking bark…That’s the thing that annoys me the most. It’s like…metal scraping a chalkboard or glass, I guess. Basically, it’s very noisy to my ears. And the barking is more annoying when they do that near me while I’m recording audio. A bunch of records I made back then would sound great if people didn’t hear the barking in the background.

And rivaling the barking are their habits when I walk them around. I’m the sort of person who likes to get chores done quick. Or I guess I can say that my patience is short and I like finishing tasks quick and well. When I walk the dogs, I feel like my time is being wasted as I walk them around and wait while they decide where they’ll pee, where they’ll poop, where’s the next pile of wet grass to suck at–“I NEED TO BARK AT THAT DAMN DOG NEARBY BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK,” and pretty much ignoring me and my safety until I pull their leashes. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though, because I usually need to walk them twice a day.

[insert Tobby’s explosive scream here]

And that’s why I often say that a cat is my number one pet that I’ll take care of when I have my own house. Cats are freaking chill. Sure, they can be annoying (Example: My cat vomiting inside the house), but they’re usually within my patience. They’re usually quiet, they’re not painful to my ears when they bug me for food, and I don’t need to worry very much about them when they go out without a leash. Not like I consider dogs lower than cats, though. It’s just that my patience isn’t fit for dealing with dogs, and my patience seems harder to train when it comes to dealing with dogs too. I wish that I have enough patience for my family’s dogs, but my regular walking with the dogs has been reminding me of my limits, of that fact of human life, of those things that we often blind ourselves to.

Imperfections. Every human has that. When I become well-known (not “if,” because I definitely intend to become well-known, and I’m sure that I’ll have to gain that in the path that I want to take whether I like it or not), I’d like people to remember my imperfections as well. Yes, I do want people to remember that I can be great, but I don’t want them to think that I’m God, because I’m just a human being. A lot of people seem to often think that people with lots of developed awesomeness are people who have infinite awesomeness. Thing is, no human has infinite awesomeness. We can be awesome, but not infinitely awesome. The only Infinitely Awesome Being is that Being that many people don’t believe in nowadays. And I really like serving Him.

And yeah, I think about deep and complex stuff even when I walk my family’s dogs around. Please remind me to be aware of my surroundings when I walk the dogs, dear nutshellcrackers.

Anyway, if you’re looking for someone who’s infinitely awesome, I highly recommend looking for God. Of course, looking for Him will be very very difficult. And I don’t recommend hating other people as well. We have imperfections, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t improve.

Now, God, please help me be more patient. And my dear family, please help be more patient as well. As for the dogs…well…feel free to keep on being inspirations, I guess. Not like I can’t feel annoyance towards you noisy nuts now, though…*sighs in exasperation*…

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #6

Family. Today, that’s probably one of youths’ biggest annoyances.

Family. Dear and precious family.

Calling the family an annoyance is saddening, really. But hey, even I have called my family an annoyance before, ’cause at times, I thought that they weren’t doing right things. And almost all the time, they were teaching the right things, and my pride and other imperfections were keeping them from properly getting into me.

Family. Today, it seems like Hell to adults too.

Family. Dear and precious family.

I remember my parents mentioning that Mom started bearing me before she and Dad got married. They could have done something that’s popular these days, which is throwing my life away. But they didn’t. They let me live, and they even took care of me. I had grandparents and aunts and uncles who took care of me too. Now, I’m here, and I have three younger siblings. They’re handfuls too, just like me. I’m sure that each of us family members has once wished that we stopped being a family so that we can spare ourselves the trouble. When I start looking outside, I feel like I can face it. But the longer I look there, the quicker I turn around, because I don’t know how to properly deal with the outside world and its many larger troubles, let alone deal with them by myself.

Family. Today, it’s tearing itself apart.

Family. Dear and precious family.

I’ve noticed a lot of parents worrying about money more than their family. I’ve noticed a lot of self-righteous parents too. Government officials, terrorists, religious leaders, businesspeople, celebrities…the blame is usually put on them only…while the ones who throw the blame forget looking at themselves and their families. The family can be a source of trouble, yes. But at the same time, the family can be a source of progress. I’ve lived enough to be certain of that. All the money in the world can’t heal a broken family, and a broken family is not something that should be considered insignificant.

Family. Today, I’d probably get laughed at most of the time when I say that I want to start one.

Family. Dear and precious family.

I know that having my own family is going to be a challenge. I know that I’m still not good enough to be a boyfriend. I know that I’m still not mature enough. But I still want to be more mature. Not that “mature” which means “having a lot of fame, money, and sex” or that “mature” which means “always wearing dung-colored glasses” or even that “mature” which means “no rules and no social restraints.” The “mature” that I’m looking for is the one that means “doing true good for humanity.” A lot of people will mock me, most likely, and my pride will frequently ask me to give up, but I won’t give up. I’m not perfect, but I know that I can get help and improve. Living with my family can teach, has taught, and will teach me a lot of precious lessons, and I’ll try to show those precious lessons to all of you through my life.

Family. Praise the Lord for the family, and God Almighty help the family.

Family. Dear and precious family.

My fellow immediate family members aren’t dead yet, but right now, I feel really lonely when they’re far away from me. I know that they’ll die someday, and I guess I’ll be going through some major pain when one of them dies.

Family. Dear and precious family.

I love my family very much, so much that I feel like this post isn’t enough to show all the love that I hold for my family.

Praise the Lord, and God Almighty help us all.

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #5

I shouldn’t be surprised by the crap in the world anymore. It’s a part of reality. I have to fight against it, that’s for sure. I feel like so many of us think that making the world a better place is freaking easy. No. Being heroic, helping the world improve, they’re never easy. I shouldn’t be surprised by the difficulty. Still, imperfect me gets scared at times, imperfect me feels lazy at times, and imperfect me goes crying at times. Mistakes are inevitable, yes, but improvement is always possible. Improvement is a complex and delicate procedure. A lot of people today will probably scorn me for trying to be an optimistic critical thinker too. I seem like I don’t understand those people who are drowning in despair. Well, I guess I don’t quite understand them now, but I do want to understand them, I can understand them, and I need to understand them. Not like I can’t feel pain, though. But I’d rather take suffering because of me doing something good than suffering because of me doing something bad. You can do it, Tobby. All that annoying chaos is there everyday, so you’ll have to beat it up properly every freaking day. You can have fun while doing that too. Now, time to go back to work, Tobby. Let’s go.

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #4

Today has been a day when I felt even more properly focused because of physical exercise and household chores. Again, I thank God very much for those two things. If I didn’t accept Sharp Axe Bob’s invitation to go jogging with him and a cousin, I probably would have become way less focused on doing household chores properly while a very stressed and tired Fireball (that’s my mother, by the way) ranted about her kids’ laziness and complacency. And if Mom didn’t tell me, Sharp Axe Bob, and Ember Pile (my younger sister, yo) off, we probably wouldn’t be seeing the importance of chores, especially for people as old as me and Bob. Yes, the exercise was tough. I had a hard time trying to jog after about a kilometer of jogging. And yes, I found it hard to focus on doing chores properly while my tired mom ranted. But hey, growth happens outside the comfort zone. I think a lot of us these days think that we can grow up properly by staying in the comfort zone a lot. There will be times when we’ll need to be in the comfort zone, yeah, but staying in the comfort zone for too long is laziness. All the awesome people that I look up to, they didn’t become awesome by just being self-deprecating couch potatoes. They know their limits, they know that they can improve, and they know that improvement comes with struggling. The pain is annoying, yes, but I prefer using the pain to lead me to being stronger than the pain. And now, I should stop overestimating myself when it comes to how resistant I am to the influence of self-deprecating couch potatoes in the Internet. It’s time to unfollow certain people in certain social networking sites, then…but hey, hey, I’ll be coming back to help those self-deprecating couch potatoes be more than self-deprecating couch potatoes in the future. And now, I’d like to thank Sharp Axe Bob (a younger brother of mine), Fireball (my mother), and God (of course) very much. Please keep on helping me in improving myself, yo! \(^o^)

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #3

Fiction, if you ask me, is supposed to work as a reality simulator. Maybe some think that fiction is their escape from reality, but fiction is based on reality. Even if we consider it an escape from reality, we never have escaped reality, we still haven’t escaped reality, and we never can escape reality. Why not make fiction train us to become better people? And they’re supposed to have meaning and guidance, ’cause we all look for meaning for guidance, ’cause a story that has no meaning and guidance is a worthless story, ’cause we want to understand the truth. And hey, maybe non-fiction can also work as a reality simulator. To understand and face reality better, we must see it from the perspectives of other people. Perhaps that’s why non-fiction hits our hearts harder than most fictional works–because they’re real and more relatable. Written stories will never be as vivid as reality, I think, but it can prepare us for reality. Reality…it’s filled with surprises…good and bad surprises…and it holds so many things that are yet to be understood…and reality doesn’t mean a world that’s only filled with negativity. Reality is an imperfect world, and it’s also a world that can improve. Reality is not a bitter thing. Reality is a bittersweet thing. If you ask me, fiction writers should make sure that their stories should be highly reminiscent of the respective realities that they perceive even if they want to write their desired realities as well. And I guess our desire for the truth is why we hate stories that are unrealistic.

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #2

I like understanding people. It’s a pain during a lot of times, yeah, but I find it very important. Healthy bonds with other people are essential in living a happy life, and a person should never ever hinder another person from building and maintaining healthy bonds. Building and maintaining healthy bonds requires understanding other people, and every human behavior has a reason behind them. There is no human behavior that happens because of “no reason at all.” If you don’t get why a certain human behavior happens, well, keep on trying to know. “I don’t know” doesn’t mean that something cannot be explained. We are human, and a part of being human is being imperfect. Not like we can’t improve, though. I don’t like treating people like they’re incorrigible, because people aren’t incorrigible. Some are just harder to deal with than others. Correcting someone does not mean destroying someone. I think there definitely will be people telling me that being a better person is hard, and yeah, it is hard. But still, we need to improve and we can improve, and those are enough reasons for me to improve myself and help others improve. Heroes aren’t formed in the comfort zone, you know. Heroes are formed in the courage zone. And if you ask me about what I hate, I’d like to say that I don’t hate people. I do hate bad behavior, though. Praise the Lord, and God Almighty help us all.

Sitting Down And/Or Pacing Around #1

Someday, I’ll definitely be hated for thinking differently, for thinking deeply, for thinking critically. Indeed, I am scared of rejection, of being scorned, of being left alone. But why should I be scared when I can think of backup plans? Why should I be scared when I have seen that things can be better? Why should I be scared when I have met people who have genuinely cared for me before? I will stumble–that’s a part of being human–but I will rise again and rise higher–and that’s another part of being human. We are fools, but we hate being fools, and we can kill our own foolishness. Praise the Lord, and God Almighty help us all.