As Basic as Eating

It was just recently when I began to seriously wonder about why Jesus Christ decided to have something as ordinary as eating as the core part of a Sacrament.

Yes, I do know and believe that the Mass is one sacred activity, but if I were someone looking forward to more explosive sounds and blinding lights in our quest for divine salvation and eternal life, I think I would also end up questioning the worth of gathering in one place, listening to readings, and then eating.

Yes, eating. After that and everything else that came before it, we go back to our regular life programs. There’s the change of the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ during the Mass, yeah, but it can be easy to take for granted, especially since there’s none of those flashy and spectacular sensory effects accompanying the Consecration…well, unless you count the sacristan’s bell-ringing as flashy and spectacular, but that would probably be considered negligible by the popular lover of bright sparkles and booming shockwaves.

So yeah, during my continued endeavors at praying the Rosary daily (which is tough, even if I haven’t exactly broken my current streak, mostly because I waste my time on things like hanging around with questionable people and material online for the sake of pride and such), I had those thoughts about the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist. Not like I felt disappointment, though, as I actually realized more about the true level of difficulty that we need to face to truly get to Heaven when I had those thoughts.

Think about it: Eating is pretty much the most basic form of nourishment, and we people have to eat three balanced meals a day. And then there’s Jesus, instituting the Holy Eucharist as one of the essentials in Catholic life, the core of it all being a mealtime with His Body and Blood as the main course. And sure, Sunday Masses are the required Eucharistic attendance, but don’t you think there’s something to be said about something as basic as eating being that important a task?

And hey, don’t we easily take the basics for granted? I can remember how easy it has been for me to have an eating routine that goes from not eating much to eating too much like a seesaw. I don’t eat much when I want to focus on my studies and my Tobby stuff without a lot of disturbance, and I eat too much when I come to eat after those periods. There’s also my choices of food, which has a load of carbs, oil, and sugar lately, tipping the scales out of balance. And then there’s socialization during mealtimes, which I haven’t been appreciating as much as I should, considering things like my annoyance at my family complaining – even if they’re mostly through jokes – about diet struggles and such.

Now, my dad’s talks about less fortunate people come to mind again, with them eating the scraps they can get, and then there’s me, putting myself in a cycle of fattening up and then lazing around.

Yeah, the Eucharist got me thinking more about properly appreciating the basics, alright. Oh, and in the Eucharist, we eat, and we eat something that doesn’t seem much. It’s easy to question it, to call it a cheap lie, but in that, we can see the everyday challenge that God presents us. It reminds me of John 20:29, which is Jesus’ response to the once doubting Thomas after He appeared to him and the rest of His disciples: “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.”

Indeed, it makes me think more about how there really is beauty in the ordinary.

So yeah, God Almighty help us some more. 🙂

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Filling Free Time

These recently past days have been quite shaking for me. There’s me trying to settle in my boarding house room and doing all those basic care stuff I should know by now, such as bathing twice a day to keep the bad smell away and eating at least three balanced meals and drinking enough water to keep my body up and going along with my breathing. There’s also me having to mash in my school schedule and doing all the required work that would come with it, which has already hit me hard as a starter via complex readings and homework that, surprisingly, are still manageable, especially with the right assistance. And then there’s making friends, keeping in touch with my family, doing Tobby work…things that would be considered “free time stuff.”

So yeah, that reminds me of being told about how vacation is just a change of occupation…and yeah, it makes sense. I think I even despaired when I first heard it? Eh, more laughable me aside, “free time” is pretty much synonymous to “vacation,” making both terms matters that shouldn’t be taken as lightly as we usually do.

Yes, I really agree that vacation is a change of occupation.

Like, really, I have realized how much the darkness can start pulling my strings once I let myself go like a puppet without strings during my free time. Doing that while feeling troubled after discovering sharp bits of info about my first pieces of homework to deal with, along with being surrounded negative vibes floating around like how environmental pollution is nowadays, got me spitting very disturbing words of pride, lust, and wrath…words that I’m not gonna go into very deeper detail about.

Yes, they’re that bad, so please don’t ask about that further…unless you’re someone I consider trustworthy enough.

So yeah, with how tough it can be, we can call it a different brand of work time, therefore turning it into what’s probably the most hated thing of humanity, considering how frequently I encounter complaints regarding work, both online and offline. Even I myself have contributed such complaints, and that sort of thinking really turned my free time into more of a waste of time, leading into moments involving me being some self-righteous, Internet-obsessed dude with quite a lust for power, fame, control, and, of course, sex.

As much as I hate to admit it, I guess I really am not ready to get into a romantic relationship yet, considering the perverted habits I still have and should discuss with trustworthy enough people, like, say, my parents, whom I still foolishly doubt despite their tried and tested dedication for me and the rest of our family all these years of our life together. And hey, talk about pride-induced anxiety and procrastination. Real easy to trick myself with that, too, and then there’s me getting wrecked by things like slow computer processing combined with going for less important matters like immediately acting on my inspiration sparks for my Tobby activities, which I consider extracurricular. A bunch of times, I’ve thought that my parents can’t help me with certain troubling matters I have to deal with, which is understandable when I consider our imperfections, but still stupid because I haven’t even tried to ask for help when they’ve helped me deal with other troubling matters before, such as a bully that kept on bugging me during high school and me having to process a controversial piece of creative nonfiction and a bunch of responses to it for class. One can’t know where the ceiling really is unless it’s felt by the touch, you know. And sure, doing so, can be a pain, but that’s the way it goes. At least I know where it is once I touch it.

And hey, my stupid pride also made me scared about and protesting against my parents correcting me by stopping my bad computer habits via them taking my laptop and phone whenever bedtime comes, something which even I myself requested from them. No wonder they have a hard time dealing with me…

Yup, free time is quite a matter for me lately. It’s been an important point of discussion during my recent Confessions as well, with the priest reminding me about how every minute can be a minute of salvation or a minute of damnation, and I couldn’t help agreeing with him.

See, often, I had been scared of letting go of certain sinful things I’ve been doing during my free time. Some of those things are things I found hard to consider as sinful, making them tougher to remove, like those hard-to-remove stains that stick on the frying pan, either requiring careful removal with dishwashing soap and water if it’s on teflon, or hard scraping with dishwashing soap and water when it’s just uncoated steel. I even thought that they would just stay there forever as unchangeable parts of my life, just a natural part of who I am…but really, who am I kidding?

And now, I’m on a cliff, having to rappel my way down or, more likely, stick to the wall and climb down, having my arms and legs getting scraped by rocks and being strained by prolonged use. That’s also gonna be me during my free time, and if I didn’t know faith, then I would’ve just let myself drop and turn into a big red splat on the very distant ground, also letting myself seep into the depths of damnation because I let myself stay ignorant through claiming that I know better than The Best Writer of All Time a.k.a. God.

And again, I’m talking about free time here. If your butt, the biggest muscle in the body, lost all feeling while you thought about how free time is another heavy load you’ll have to deal with along with work, then don’t worry, ’cause I understand.

Still, we gotta recharge well and get up well. I mean, if we can’t improve, then I wouldn’t be here writing about this and you wouldn’t be here reading this, would we?

So yeah, I gotta think better about what to do with my precious free time, which is precious not because we can cut our moral restraints loose, but because we can reach true happiness better by spending it well along with our work time. With the setup I have now, I can do things like making friends at school with more consistency, and all I need now is to put good will in, with faith, patience, fortitude, and so many other blessings from God boosting it.

I also gotta think about how regular I should keep certain things, like this weekly reflection series, that monthly reflection series I prefer doing during month-ends, uploading writing and music stuff that take a considerable while to work on well, and me going through a bunch of creative content from others for entertainment and/or inspiration’s sake. And speaking of the creative content I choose to go through, that’s another matter I gotta take seriously, as they can influence how I think, even if they’re usually subtle there. There’s also the people I follow online and how often I should check for updates on them, too.

And again, I’m talking about free time here. It’s really easy to take it for granted, you know?

And hey, all this planning I’m talking about sure is easier said than done. For example, it’s easy to get lost into unnecessarily obliging myself to be rigid with an extracurricular activity like this, depriving myself of sleep while thinking that my required workload is that of, say, a celebrity artist or something like that, when I haven’t even proven my worth with smaller things like being more consistent with doing household chores, especially chores which I don’t need to be spoken to and reminded about so much just so that I would do them.

Heh, and I dream of having a happy family of my own while having my level of self-righteousness. I’m still not ready for that yet, alright, and I still got a long way to go until I can really fulfill that dream. I gotta bring my rigidity down and be more flexible, quickly thinking of and switching to more worthwhile things to do when something I’m working on is becoming a waste of time and energy.

But again, it’s easier said than done.

And once again, I’m talking about free time here.

So yeah, God Almighty keep on helping us.

Maintaining the Haven

Yet again, during a Sunday, though on my way to a Mass with my family and the prayer community we’re a part of, the saying “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” suddenly made more sense to me.

Well, I guess there was me also thinking about stuff to write about for my next reflection post. I kinda felt like I was running out of topics, really, especially with my mind spending a little too much time on my comp and on the Net again. Said overspending showed in things like me sneaking in bits of writing for this on my phone’s Notes feature…so yeah, I guess I should give thanks to God for using my phone’s kinda weakened battery to mess with my excessive desires.

Huh, now that makes me think about how laziness can kill motivation. And if you ask me, laziness isn’t doing nothing, but actually being unproductive. Like, really, one can be lazy in terms of sleeping!

But hey, I think I’m going tangential here, though considering what I want to talk about, perhaps I would end up tackling my other habits in life later on in this reflection.

So, cleaning up my room.

See, in my family’s house, I share a room with one of my younger brothers, specifically the one who’s also in college. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been subtly rubbing in his laziness in terms of keeping his stuff in order by trying to clean up for him without also politely telling him to clean his stuff up. I let out a lot of groans when the occasional time comes, times when I sweep out dust bunnies and pick up scattered and even hidden trash in our room. In other usual cases, I just leave his mess alone, just like that, thinking that he should just do everything ’cause he’s being such a messy guy…

And then I remember how there are other things that I can and should clean up, like those pieces of trash within the drawers we rarely clean up…and then there’s me remembering that it’s also my room, and not just my brother’s room.

Yeah, talk about a painful pride crusher.

But really, I gotta learn to clean myself more and more, or else I’d be more susceptible to sickness, and I’d also be stuck dumb with trying to teach others how to be clean. Sure, such a thing is probably not a decisive factor in improving my whole personal life, but a contributing factor still affects stuff, and they should not be underestimated as well.

And hey, the way I treat contributing factors still can say a lot about me, just like how bits of seemingly trivial info in my favorite stories are supposed to show a bigger picture. I guess contributing factors work that way too.

Hm, I seem to have gone on another tangent again, no? Well, whether or not that is case, I still want your honest constructive feedback.

Now, back to talking about cleaning my own room. Specifically, the obstacles in my way towards doing that right. And hey, I’ll try to talk about it like how my favorite stories do.

So, now’s some time for some questions and answers:

Q. The usual obstacles in my way towards actively cleaning my room when I have the time and energy?

A. Going online too much and waiting for cleaners too much.

Q. Why do I let those obstacles get in my way so much?

A. Because I still got a lot of important online work to do, and because there are people who should be doing cleaning instead of me.

Q. Speaking of cleaners, who are those people?

A. In my family’s house, it should be my brother. In my boarding house room, well, there are cleaners who come around from time to time.

Q. But what about the things I don’t want touched? And about my thoughts on my brother, why should he be cleaning the room?

A. For the former, well, fine, I do have to clean my own things up, especially since I know myself best when compared to other people. As for the latter, well, my brother’s a lazy butt who often forgets to bring his dirty plates out of the room and on to the kitchen sink, among other things.

Q. Okay, I guess my first answer is fair enough, but the second…Well, aren’t I forgetting those drawer and closet items which I haven’t been using for so long?

A. Uhh…but most of them are my brother’s.

Q. But I still have some that are mine, right?

A. …Yeah.

Q. And whose room is that again? My brother’s and…?

A. …Mine. But I still have more important work to do! Like with my comp! And online too!

Q. And what’s so important with my computer and online activities that I gotta forego cleaning the room?

A. Uhh…

Q. Come on, what am I gonna say?

A. JUSTICE!

Q. What?

A. A bunch of peeps out there are within reach of my amazing artistic potential, and I would like to develop it by creating and sharing and creating and sharing and…uhh…

Q. And what about that “JUSTICE!” I just screamed? What’s that got to do with this?

A. I GOTTA TEACH THOSE NUTS RIGHT AND BRING JUSTICE!

Q. Can my own self give me a detailed plan for that, then, please? Like, say, including how I’ll properly maintain my mind, body, and soul along the way and not succumb to the poisonous nuttiness that I want to defeat?

A. Uh…Uhh…Okay, you’re sounding just like Mom now, you know.

Q. Yes, it seems so, but aren’t I just trying to run away now at this point?

A. Okay, fine, I suck.

Q. I only suck?

A. Okay, I can improve too, so stop bugging me already!

So yeah, now’s a good time for me to get back to some actually productive work, no?
Also, God Almighty help me again. Sucking at tasks so ordinary, although not exactly a decisive factor, can still be a mark of my spiritual weaknesses. Thinking about that some more as well, I’ve realized that the capital sins that often get in my way lately are pride, lust, and sloth. I think too highly of myself, thinking that I’m way above doing ordinary tasks, even to the point of being a coward and lying to myself about what I can do when it comes to ordinary tasks. I long too much for fame and control, longing to keep on working on my online activities, desperate to get famous and powerful real quick, all while lying to myself that I’m doing things for the good of others. I groan a lot when I need to do chores, especially urgent ones, even blaming my tendency towards rigidity instead of fighting against said rigidity when I’m faced with such sudden things.

And yes, there is such a thing as lying to oneself. I myself still have difficulty with noticing such occurrences within me, and I think that my improved detection on those is pretty much a miracle being caused by God. So yeah, I thank God Almighty so much.

And hey, although I find this kinda awkward to say because of my dumb pride getting in my way when other people ask me to pray for them…well, I ask that you pray for me as well.

So yeah…honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated.

Exercise Routine of Life

Despite my struggles with maintaining a regular exercise routine, I think it’s something that has taken root with depth in my life.

Well, my reasoning for that is how I tend to think of other tough but important things in life as things that remind me of exercise. Said things include learning from school, honing my creative craft, and doing whatever God wants me to do.

And just like most people I’ve encountered, I’ve been someone with a very pessimistic and reactive view towards regular exercise. I didn’t want to be tired, I didn’t want to feel those growing pains, and if I tried to put effort into exercise, I didn’t want such slow developments on my body.

Heh, and that reminds me of my lust…and not just the sexual sort. There’s my lust for fame and my lust for control as well, something which shows in my messy time management that has me staying up so late at night with my computer and slacking off on keeping the house in order. The poor and rushed execution just ends up twisting me away from the noble goal I wanted to reach and into a shoddy imitation that looks like the real deal because of my wrong processing.

Now, back to talk about exercise, I’m reminded about things like how to stretch properly and how to breathe properly. And if I were someone with a lazier mindset, I would be questioning the whole “how to breathe properly” part plus wisecracking with a “I’m still alive, therefore I’m already breathing properly, genius.”

And, uh…to be honest, I’m still mostly curious about the basics of proper breathing in exercise. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Anyway, lack of physical fitness technical knowledge aside, I have a growing liking for appreciating the importance of exercise and other related physical fitness essentials. I honestly wanna have a better figure, yeah, but if that were my only goal, then I would be easily swayed into complacency by all those “You’re perfect so just eat and exercise how you want” attempts at encouragement or all those “Go starve yourself and overwork for quicker results” calls of the desperate.

See, when more regular exercise became more involved in my life, I felt more alive. There was a subtle feeling, something with an effect that became more noticeable when I looked back after a considerable while of alternating mornings with exercise and no exercise. There was also an overt feeling, something which became more satisfying the more I gradually challenged myself.

And sure, seeing my figure become more pleasing to the eyes may be a cause for celebration, but that’s not everything. Another effect which I consider essential is having the feeling of someone who’s ready to take on tougher challenges.

Hm, maybe that’s the endorphin release kicking in? I don’t know if I remembered it correctly, but I think there’s something about exercise and endorphins that I learned during physical fitness theory class and that one exercise psychology lesson…

Anyway, although it may seem like something little, I find outdoing myself in exercise rewarding. Be it lengthened running time or a further in-sync dance workout performance, knowing that I’m able to break my own records, even by just a little difference, is something that makes me feel more alive and optimistic, especially when I think about how big things are made up of little things. It makes me want to endure a good amount of pain for a length of time that would end up feeling shorter if I work hard enough. It also reminds me about how talent – which, although in different forms, is something that I believe everyone has – would just be waste without it being sharpened and maintained as an evil-cutting blade.

Along with that, exercise becoming a routine feels lighter yet still fulfilling when compared to random blasts with exercise. It teaches me about how to have faith and patience, about how to not be complacent nor desperate. It also reminds me about how there’s a time and place for everything, particularly through doing exercises for specific parts of my body and changing the contents of my exercise routine.

And speaking of having faith and patience, I sometimes feel as if I’m insulted when my parents remind me to exercise, especially while we’re eating together with the rest of the family. There’s also when I feel discouraged by sudden stuff like bad weather, which keeps me from doing outdoor jogging, an exercise which I like to do, or being unable to do exercise in the morning because of my tired body. But I guess that’s just my pride trying to doing its usual stuff that is covering up and being the glass barrier that it is. Fortunately, it’s a glass barrier, which means that it can be shattered easily. If it doesn’t break or if it hurts me more than it should, then it’s just that I don’t put enough force and/or smarts into my smash.

Anyway, it’s not just my parents’ exercise reminders which the glass barrier that is my pride perceives as slights and uses to keep me foolish. There are also the reminders about eating enough and sleeping enough, reminders about things that would create an even bigger boost of health to not just my figure but also my mind and soul when done well with exercise. And freaking nuts, I find similarities even between dieting and exercise!

So yeah, I guess those reminders about a sound body leading to a sound mind do hold water. And of course, better not forget pushing my willpower towards that direction. Like going for those dance workouts in a smaller but still spacious enough room when rain falls and keeps me from going outdoors. That, and listening to my parents some more, ’cause I know that they can teach a lot more worthwhile lessons than what my ugly-colored glass barriers try to show me, considering their struggling yet still inspiring efforts at keeping themselves in good shape. Like, my dad managed to finish marathons before, and my mom’s diet efforts are shown by her printed diet plan and the ingredients she prepares separately from the rest of the family’s meals!

And indeed, the gym isn’t the only place where improvement and maintenance happens…so God Almighty help me do better.

As for when this exercise routine of life, breaks and changes and all, will no longer be needed…well, only God knows, I guess.

And now, back to putting effort into following what He has prescribed for me…

Nasisilawan na Harang

NasisilawanNaHarangCover_drawnbyRaishii

Nasisilawan na Harang

isang piraso ng kathang-isip na sinulat ni The Overlord Bear

bineta nina SarcasticGrey at Revienne

at ginuhitan ng cover ni Raishii

Buod: Magulo ang pamumuhay ni Jojo Alejandro, at kasama na din doon ang kanyang kakaibang mundo ng mga panaginip, kung saan ang kanyang superpowered na katauhan na si Harang Salpakan ay nakikisalamuha at nakikipag-away kay Silaw Nangaraw. Pagkatapos ng sunod-sunod na talo sa pantasyang babae ng araw, napaisip ang nauulanang binata tungkol sa pagsunod sa payo ng kanyang mortal na kaaway sa panaginip…


Ang kwentong ito ay pwede ding basahin sa Wattpad.


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Beatitudes and Revolution

Here’s something that resonates with me and how I’ve been growing lately, yo.

Littlemore Tracts

4th Sunday of the Year

One of the recurrent challenges posed by non-believers to Christians , or even by believers struggling with their faith is how can one believe in a good creator God when there is so much evil in the world. I can appreciate the depth of this challenge to faith when it is reported that each year there are 45 million abortions worldwide. It is also understandable that even Christians may well question why God does not somehow intervene and put an end to this carnage. Even the Apostles asked Jesus in the boat when a storm came up and he was asleep, “Do you not care that we are perishing!” So anyone can honestly question why God tolerates such massive evils in His creation.

Now the response of the believing Christian when confronted with such massive evil has to begin from two firm beliefs based upon the…

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There is only One Absolute Monarch and His Name is Jesus Christ

Thanks be to God.

Littlemore Tracts

The Solemnity of Christ the King 2016

He delivered us from the power of darkness
and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son,.
Col. 1:13

The Solemnity of Christ the King was a beautiful and timely gift to the universal Church from Pope Pius XI in the last century, December 11, 1925. The encyclical Quas Primas in which this great solemnity was established was written only three years into his pontificate, and it was his response to what he said were the “manifold evils in the world [were] due to the fact that the majority of men had thrust Jesus Christ and his holy law out of their lives.” Like his predecessor, Benedict XV, Pius XI was deeply troubled by the aftereffects of World War I in Europe, a growing secularization of society, increasing nationalism and a very hostile anti-clericalism. While there were certainly many causes of this…

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The Final Judgment and Moral Sensibility

Here’s something that got me thinking today.

Littlemore Tracts

33rd Sunday of ordinary time 2016

You will be hated by all because of my name,
but not a hair on your head will be destroyed.
By your perseverance you will secure your lives.”
Lk. 21:19

             As the Church’s liturgical year draws to a close, the liturgy directs out attention to the world to come, to the so-called last things, death, judgment, the reward of Heaven or the punishment of Hell. Today most people in the once Christian West don’t pay much attention to these Gospel accounts of the last things. For a huge number of Westerners, faith is dead, and even nominal Christians no longer believe there really a final judgment. Many others claim they have some kind of faith, but their “faith” does not cause them any concern regarding a divine judgment, since they no longer believe that anyone really goes to Hell.

The universal…

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Tobby tried to sing Kagerou Daze

This creation process of this cover is something that surprises me, really. Specifically, the cover I decided to make mostly out of Heat-Haze-Day-commemoration-related impulse ended up reaching the end of encoding stage yesterday, and I considered my vocals and mix impressive enough for me to push through with uploading it. Maybe some lack of sleep is messing me up, though, and there’s a little lyric slip-up (“fuurin,” not “fuuin”) that I feel embarrassed about, especially when I think about mentioning it in my video upload descriptions. (Oh, and my “Kanashimi no Nami ni Oboreru” cover has a little lyric slip-up too: “shihatsu,” not “shinhatsu.” I really need to work on reading Japanese without the help of romaji more as well…) I don’t feel like rerecording right now, though, as I have a bunch of other more pressing matters to deal with in my life right now, such as classes and homework, plus other art stuff I want to focus on, like writing stories, and there’s also me struggling with trying not to push my body too hard. So yeah.

Anyway, I’m still looking forward to honest constructive feedback on this. mp3’s here too, yo.

With an acoustic arrange, Tobby tried to sing Yobanashi Deceive

Yo. Classes have begun again, and I’m taking Japanese classes this semester, too.

As for this cover, I feel pretty confident about my singing and my mixing here, although I feel somewhat put-off by my tuning attempt here. Maybe it’s because a part I tried to tune has the signs of a voice cracking hard. Hm, I guess I should care for myself some more, then.

Speaking of which, if my previous song cover post wasn’t obvious enough to you, then, well, I’d like to say that I’ve been having a tough time lately. I don’t feel like sharing a lot of the particulars about it here, though, and I need more sleep, offline interaction, and a lot of other important things. This part of this post is also a call to them trustworthy peeps in my life, I guess.

Indeed, I really need to get more sleep, and I need to sleep earlier as well.

Now, here’s this cover’s mp3. Also, I’ve noticed that my YouTube Channel’s subscriber count has gone past 100. Although I think that not all of them are really tuned in to me and my stuff there, I still want to send my thanks to those who support me there. Again, honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated. 🙂