Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – January 2023

So it seems like I have more fun and potential than I thought when it comes to VTuber clips and vertical videos, considering this thing being the most Liked video in my channel now, for one. And I seem to find more fun in being mindfully slow and quiet about it, something all them many better HOLOSTARS clippers and Starlights reassure me about through their work. And speaking of HOLOSTARS, the English branch’s Tempus has gotten a second wave, the Vanguard, while the first wave is now called the Headquarters. So far, Shinri is my fave Vanguard member thanks to his serenity. And again, HOLOSTARS continues to humble me with their abilities and character and make my appreciation for hololive Production as a whole and VTubing in general more solid. And hey, the English branch of the Stars is now six months old, and it’s got me feeling how Stars EN is currently the VTubers I’ve had the most fun tuning into throughout my time as a VTuber fanboy. Makes me feel like creatively coming clean about my cishet male perversions, too, and again, I hope to overcome them in ways God Almighty wants.

As for other humbling stuff involving HOLOSTARS that’s happened to me and I’d like to discuss in more detail, I got a YouTube Community share by this dedicated Pinoy holo fan going by the name Rob L. Callistis for my English cover of Roberu’s POP-TALK. Honestly, I’ve never really watched his content much yet, but just the sight of this man having the guts to be a full holo fan, a holoPro fan, not just a Live fan or just a Stars fan, on top of striving to be a creative inspires me to keep on being myself, whatever that’s supposed to be. So yes, I thank him very much for this piece of support he did as himself. Thank you very much again for your humbling work, Rob, and I wish you more strength and worthwhile times.

Now, for other things that happened, I got these new meme vids spawned from my gutter brain and this poem inspired by the homily of the Epiphany Mass I attended. No new vlogs and livestreams, also. There was also my maternal grandfather’s death, which I discussed in my commentary for my POP-TALK English cover. And I ended up back in my immediate family’s house on top of having to go my day job’s office to sign some forms, mainly tax ones. I think I missed more than I thought the quiet of my immediate family’s house, too, and a recent recording session I did here probably was the main thing that got me realizing that. Getting a bit more used to commuting around by myself again, also, and the Nintendo Switch be growing on this more Nintendo-grown nut some more. I seem to have gotten into Project Sekai’s Vivid BAD SQUAD and this guy going by natori as well.

As for things coming up, I’m planning to release a fanfic and two song covers here next month. As for things beyond next month, I’m making progress with an original song. I’d also like to finish the three gaming stream series I currently have going on but haven’t gotten back to for about two to three months now. And get some VTuber clips and at least one meme video up. With offstream gaming and e-book reading as my breaks in between. I really should learn how to better handle being a streamer fan, look back at my childhood experiences with the television especially.

And I guess that’s as far as I’ll talk about for this month’s digest post. Again, I’d like to ask for honest constructive feedback, and may God Almighty keep on challenging and guiding us all.

Under His Dot We Fade Into

Under His Dot We Fade Into

a poem by The Overlord Bear/Jem De Ocampo


We seek the future in the dots
In the will of the dimness
That seem deaf to our pleas
Unless they seek their pleasure
So we march upon the orders
Of a king we see as a cruel god
Like the gods we always looked up to
And then we found an infant
Always ripe for the culling
Under His dot we fade into
Through how He always sought us
So much that He seems faded
To us reveling rebels restrained.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – December 2022 + 2022 in Review

Happy Birthday to the Word That Became Flesh, and may He challenge and guide this wannabe writer and artist and entertainer and more into being more lovingly careful with his words, among other things, for I often put too much emphasis on the “careful” part, and like my fellow fools, I was born to not just be loved but also love. And I feel like He’s been doing that work freaking well even before this latest demand of mine, most especially with how much I’ve been enjoying hololive Production and VTubers and more way beyond what my down abyssal butt ever expected through HOLOSTARS English. Those boys made me feel like I can have fun even with my slow growth and even without the rushing I honestly wanted to do with that slow growth after ending Lisa the Tearer earlier than I planned and starting streaming some time after on top of churning out all them covers and one name-your-price fan song and a bunch of other works more dumbly exhibiting my heavier desperation for power and responsibilities I don’t know how to handle. Watching the rest of HOLOSTARS on top of holoTEMPUS’s streams thanks to the latter inspiring me like how Calli and holoMyth inspired me into becoming a hololive fan on top of becoming a VTuber fan, I’ve gone as far as also watching and enjoying the second concert by the 1st-3rd Generation of HOLOSTARS, the nine whom I also call the HOLOSTARS Nine, and the 3D debut of UPROAR!!, whose variety program Jump UPROAR!! I’ve also grown to enjoy looking forward to and tuning into. I even found myself taking my Japanese, subtitling, and video editing skills to the next level because of them, considering how I’ve been translating Gamma Hizaki’s YouTube Shorts and how I’ve started clipping VTubers. Combine that with stuff like the appreciation for my HOLOSTARS covers, especially the ones for Kaika Sengen, Monologue in a row, and Silent Night Requiem, and here’s this freaking motivated me who feels like he has an improving sense of direction now. Yes, I’m pretty scared about coming out with skeletons like how down abyssal I am about the Live ladies in the process, especially by hinting to you about the fact that I’ve been writing and posting smut starring some of them out there, and how I realized that I’ve been watching the Live girls and the Stars boys way more shallowly than I thought until the Tempus boys came around. But I’m reassured about my capability and need to do better, especially as a man, by the Stars boys’ ability to be responsible with the lesser power they have, so much that my interest in following the girls got renewed and this piece of fanfiction starring Tempus and Kronii got made. Perhaps this meme vid and this vlog can give you a better idea about my improvement this year, too.

But if you’re looking for more signs of improvement that are posted on this blog and aren’t just HOLOSTARS content, then you might want to look at my other stuff from this month first, them being the one TRY for this year and my latest collab cover. As for categorized older stuff from this year, there are:

In terms of individual older stuff from this year, I recommend:

And looking at the 2021 review post, I guess I have at least a bit more evidence that I went above and beyond my overall expectations and/or went against my dumb expectations for myself and my Tobbyworks this year. As for my expectations next year, I think I’d like to make more content as a fan of VTubers, especially holoPro, probably even in a way that would get me some sort of sideline, though may God Almighty help me handle that more properly if I’m meant to have that. On top of that, I think I’d like to release one or two original songs, make more time for my gaming backlog on stream and off stream, go through more of my reading backlog and maybe even my podcast-listening backlog, post one or two fanfiction pieces worth sharing here, post one TRY and one Superheroes vs God Almighty piece, and do something I’d find more healthily entertaining with my handwritten reflection habit. And while I don’t think this desire will be that fruitful this coming 2023, there’s still my desire to get a lovely lady. Whatever the case, may God Almighty challenge and guide me towards what He wants.

Now, I’d like to show my appreciation for some more ordinary life stuff that allows me to do these Tobbyworks. There’s my day job’s company doing better, and I wouldn’t be able to up my production values and my sister’s fun in life without that. There’s my more personal space I have while being mostly emotional support for my grandparents, which also contributed to my streaming ability especially. And there are my long-time friends and my immediate family I often take for granted, my loved ones who learn and do their best to support me more than I like to think. And of course, there’s God Almighty, the Word whom I underestimate and overestimate like how my fellow fools underestimate and overestimate words. May He keep on challenging and guiding as all as He wishes.

And again, this hopefully even more smartly obvious villain of a man we can healthily cancel anytime asks for honest constructive feedback, for yet another miracle. Merry Christmas, my fellow filthy animals, and may we have a Happy New Year.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – November 2022

If you’ve had the guts to bore yourself to death by fully watching my instances of streaming this month and before this post, you’ll have already learned that I’ve gotten some more free time, a new controller cable, and an additional monitor. Still, I don’t know how much use I’d get from all that, especially from my additional monitor, if I weren’t staying at my grandparents’ place with my more personal space and the stronger Internet connection. So yeah, may God Almighty keep on challenging and guiding me to learn and do my best to be of service to my grandparents.

Oh, and speaking of hardware upgrades, I now feel like I should’ve mentioned this some time in a monthly digest post right after I got it a few months ago, but I also got a new phone, one that can help me be a VTuber. But since I’m pretty picky about quality on top of being this squishy-brained bum, you’re gonna see more of me taking advantage of the HD front camera first. Also, speaking of YouTube stuff, I think I forgot to mention this in the last monthly digest post, but the Community tab in my YouTube Channel is now open, so yeah.

Other fun stuff this month worth noting here…Well, I think I really further got into holostars’ Uproar, especially Gamma, particularly through his YT Shorts I’ve been doing translation attempts on in their respective comment sections. Jumproar and Uproar’s 3D debuts also helped a lot. And one song cover by all four of them has been kinda stuck in my mind lately. And so continues my discovery and appreciation of holostars’ bro energy I’ve been missing out on and been in denial about for so long because of how I’ve been cynically leaning into my stereotypical cishet maleness, which I think my struggles with also helped spawn this reflection I posted this month.

And speaking of holostars some more, I’ve made my first cover of a Rikka solo original. More holostars covers to come in the next few months, too. I also made a fanfic starring Tempus and Kronii. Even got the strength to write more English translyrics for holoPro originals. Also, to conserve my strength and all that in line with doing what I like, I’ve decided to lighten up on original music plans.

And the following month shall be my birth month, with me turning 26 on the 13th. I’m planning on releasing something big on the Sunday before that, too. And apparently, all of Uproar’s gonna stream in 3D together on December 3. And of course, there’s Christmas, which happens to be the day of my final monthly digest post for this year. May I also have the strength to endure them crowds during them celebrations.

Now, honest constructive feedback, please~

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – October 2022

I now feel like I’m living a better version of my routine during my last years at university. I’m practically living with my own room at my grandparents’ house, provided I help give her peace of mind especially as she also looks after my senile and bedridden grandfather. Said room I’m staying in even allows me to record singing vocals, and the Internet’s way better than my immediate family’s house’s for streaming. And I have a day job, a work-from-home one, that I somehow still like and am improving at, even with stuff like the further increased workload this month. And I’m fanboying like the cishet trash that I am for a much newer and still underdog group of idol bros handled by a company from Japan. Still into K-Pop too, but mainly NCT now, though I think I’ve been kinda getting into SHINee lately, especially thanks to Key’s solo releases (Hate that…, which features Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon, is probably the Key song that’s most stuck in my mind right now, by the way).

And again, I struggle with myself, with part of that being how weird I feel about being what we call a “normie,” which I assume is also someone who thinks that stuff like school and work and family are necessary evils rather than dignifying responsibilities, while indulging in all this nerdy stuff that helped make me and are still helping in making me. And don’t get me started on these supposedly anti-decadence communities’ decadence that I have to live with, especially when we start going down infernal and “You deserve this! I deserve this! We deserve this!” and “Speak up ’cause silence is death!” Still, even if I am being oppressed like that, I still got a hold on my self that God gave me and I can use, and doing my usual psychological kamikaze combo of complaining about others on top of loathing myself would only make my issues worse. Especially since I want to help give my grandparents some good quiet without turning myself into a doormat wasting this quieter space I have here.

And so goes another vague venting in these monthly digest posts. And man, I’ve made so many of these posts already, huh? Like, six years already. I guess I’ve grown more appreciation for obscurity too. And especially thanks to holostars as well, I think I’m really starting to give up on pursuing my thinly veiled ambition of getting into hololive Production to wreak manchildish havoc. Still gonna pursue being an artist, though, and speaking of my VTuber fanboying some more, I’ve finally done a song cover that isn’t of a holoPro original. I also got the strength to make and release another insomniac musing in writing and another Some Trios Walk into Ahnenerbe installment. And while I’ve only streamed twice since the last monthly digest post (I like to think getting back into gacha games and getting into Blue Archive have a lot to do with that), I did manage to make and release some new vlogs that are hopefully improved in editing at least. And I might be improving at taking things one at a time, at least a bit. So yeah, I’m still managing, praise and thanks be to God Almighty yet again, and may He keep on challenging and guiding us fools. Maybe the All Saints’ and All Souls’ season have been helping me a lot more than I thought in writing all this, huh?

As for stuff to look forward to from me right now, well, the one-cover-upload-a-month in terms of music continues, I might be able to upload yet another insomniac musing, and I really want to give more life to Tobby’s Recommendation Yells. And considering my weakening old main reason for doing streaming, I might do a few times like this passing month had, but I still feel like doing streaming, at least to finish those three playthroughs that are still in progress.

With that, I guess I’m done with this month’s digest post. And again, I’d like some honest constructive feedback.

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – September 2022

Starting off by talking about the sort of creative pursuits I’ve been spending the most of my budget on lately, I’m feeling more like slowing down on my music cover productions as well lately. Day job’s been busier, I got a phone upgrade courtesy of my mom that I need to pay off, and I want to go bigger with the covers in some way, with my cover of Tempus’s “Top of the World” being my top example among my two covers this month. Not like I don’t got confidence in my cover of Calli’s “Kamouflage,” but if I could handle a bigger budget, I would’ve had the visuals for that be more personalized like I did with the “Ijimekko Bully” cover (which is still rising up the ranks in my YouTube Channel for some reason). And covers aren’t the only music productions I wanna work on. And I wanna do singing collaborations, which are just covers at the moment, but still. And I think I should explore others’ music more, which I’ve been managing to do especially with the help of Spotify again. I don’t think I’ve felt like exploring this much since when I was in university, specifically when I would be listening to downloaded albums on the mobile app while in them long bus rides. I guess turning my daily handwritten religious reflection habit into a gratitude list really helped there lots, too.

And speaking of writing, I’ve made a proper fanfic writing comeback, and by that, I mean a safe-for-work fanfic release. As for the NSFW stuff, yeah, more happened. Again, I’m not gonna give you a lot of specifics about that here, but if you do find them for some reason or another, I encourage roasting me along with them, especially since they’re fantasies about real people, though if you like them, then I’d rather have your honesty there, whether I’d like it or not. Anyway, the safe fanfic is a work for Fire Emblem, though it’s for some installments I’ve never played before. On top of randomly wiki-walking about the franchise, some wonderful works of and chats with a particular writer who goes by the name of the franchise’s third installment pushed me a lot into actually writing and posting the fanfic. I think I’d rather play more Valkyria Chronicles than Fire Emblem right now, though.

And yeah, I’ve managed to stream a few times this month, with Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2 and The Silver Case also continuing slowly but surely. As in, one’s made some grinding progress for its True Ending, while the other two have revealed to me some very major spoilers. And with how I’ve been wanting to practice streaming more on top of trying out some games I got interested in through Tempus like Dicey Dungeons and the Hitman games, I guess it would help that if I take it easier on the cover production. Plus, I’ve been getting the urge to read original fiction again, particularly in the form of light novels and manga, with the latest localized volume of We’re New at This being the last thing I read.

Now, considering how I’ve had lots of fun exploring others’ creative works before, even with few things among them being stuff I’d really like, I’m getting the feeling that what’s killing my sense of contentment about it is my desire to fish for praise from and connections with others while trying to dodge mockery and loneliness. Especially by posing as someone who’s good at confrontations, like in this new attempt at a meme vid. I strongly believe in the ideas I’m trying to deliver, but I’m very doubtful about how I’d rather deliver those ideas. Thinking about that some more, especially with the tiredness such posturing gives me, I think I’d rather make stuff more like and better than this new attempt at a vlog. Besides, I’ll still have to deal with obscurity and zealotry even if I didn’t, and even the best life, while certainly worth cherishing, isn’t anything to brag about. My two poems this month, one about apparently killing God and one about sitting on thrones, probably depict that struggle of mine best right now.

So yeah, for now, in terms of Tobbyworks, I’m basically gonna take it easier on the posts I’ll feature on this blog here at least, while meme vids and vlogs and streams might get a bit more frequent. I think I can say, then, that the covers are likely to be once a month for the next few months, and that Bear Lords It Over You will be more guerrilla like my streaming and my writing posts for now. Seriously, I’m finding more relief in my day job right now, yet I still want to be this artist and entertainer for some reason.

Anyway, however I’m supposed to go, praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again for the challenges and guidance, and may He keep on helping us all. Also, as usual, I’d like to ask for honest constructive feedback.

I Killed God, Right?

I Killed God, Right?

a poem by The Overlord Bear/Jem De Ocampo


I killed God
But my suffering continues
Through my own hand
For God is as good as we fools are
As my best friend the Devil said
With these impossible growths we get
To end all of ourselves
Because we don’t make any sense
And we can only doubt
As our only faith and rules
That shouldn’t exist as well
But we keep on existing
With this freedom
We are cursed
So we lie
In a wakeful dream
Where we killed God
I killed God
Right?

Milestones, Turning Points, and Activity Updates – August 2022

You know, I guess having tuned into holostars English as much as I have so far filled my time even better than I expected, considering how stressed I was by traveling around for my work ATM card and having to deal with my immediate family’s house’s Internet connection being hard to work with in terms of streaming. Call me shallow, especially since the work I’m aiming to do with the practice isn’t really up there in terms of secure ways to earn a living, but yeah, been having the itch to practice streaming even more than I expected, especially with stabler hardware, as shown by my more recent Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2 and The Silver Case stream episodes in particular, with the Valkyria Chronicles stream episodes being a contrast out of great luck as well, long stream times aside. Though I also found myself pushing myself too hard about participating in the fandom again while getting into Tempus, trying to commit to a fan Discord server until I found myself burnt out around a crowd again. Makes me wonder why I still try to do these attempts at making a name for myself when I could just shut up and game and read and watch with all this money I’m getting…Oh, yeah, I wanna have bros and rivals I can make worthwhile art with, which Tempus helped me understand and appreciate further along with other parts of my self. There’s also getting the girl, because hey, I’m actually cishet trash. I guess because of that madness as well, I’m feeling lucky that those meme vids and vlogs of mine didn’t get a single update before this post. I mean, I’ve been feeling like the creep I’ve been struggling to overcome some more with them, you know? And the moments when people actually have been out for my blood are way rarer than I like to think. Now that’s what’s truly the most frustrating thing about me lately.

But more on the bright side, I’d like to send thanks to AK Enoch for having me in a fun recent video of his, which is about the so-called “perfectly cut scream.” Been over a year since my playlist of others’ shows I’m featured in got updated, too. And I honestly haven’t been tuning into his content much, so yeah, I’m surprised that he still has that much trust in me. Then again, I guess I can make stuff like this Bear Lords It Over You vid. And then there’s how this blog is already nine years old.

Also being another confidence boost is the feedback I’ve been getting on my English cover of Izuru Kanade’s “Monologue in a row.” A freaking difficult production to work on, and I’m wishing that someone would outdo me in covering the song in English, but still. I’d also like to give a shout-out to RingNin, a skilled, hardworking, and modest Youtaite whom I first encountered showing appreciation for my Kagerou Day/Azami birthday commemoration release that is my English cover of “days.”

And hey, I got to post four poems this month! I got one with the love-and-war theme, one with the love-and-treasure theme, one with the death-seeking theme, and one about, well, words. And so far, there’s one more I consider ready for upload in my production queue, which, needless to say, will show up on this blog next month.

As for more talk about plans for next month’s blog posts, I’m also hoping to post one or two music uploads and, surprisingly, one fanfic! Even more surprising is how they all started out of impulse! Praise and thanks be to God Almighty very much again for that and more, then!

So yeah, I’m itching for some more honest constructive feedback again. And may He keep on helping us all!