Unchecked Suspension

The day’s preparation for class started off with me hurrying to have a fried rice breakfast, buying puto and kutsinta for snacks, and walking fast to the jeepney stop and to the classroom.

I put effort into keeping myself calm and not being like most people I’ve met, though, silently admitting my fault of putting unnecessary focus on writing a fill for a writing prompt in a fanfiction site forum thread to myself, followed by reminding myself to just acknowledge the fact that there will be consequences. Good actions get good consequences, and bad actions get bad consequences, although some would say that good actions usually get bad consequences, but I would bet that that sort of thinking isn’t really God-centered.

Things started going strange, though, when the jeepney I was riding entered the university premises. There was a noticeable lack of people waiting for the jeepney, and in hindsight, I should’ve seen the signs back at the avenue outside it, where lines were usually long and barkers were standing by for the next available jeepney to stop by.

Still, I guess my efforts at trying to keep myself calm as I thought about going to class again kept me quite distracted from thinking more about that strangeness. Sure, I was expecting my professor on Shakespeare to just pause for a while or note my tardy presence from his peripheral vision as he discussed about stuff related to As You Like It, but I still couldn’t stop myself from imagining him sputtering and groaning at some latecomer interrupting him, even if he was more likely to just snark at me with a level voice and a straight face if he were feeling that offended.

Hm, come to think of it, that irrational imagine spot sounds more like something I’m likely to do if I were in his shoes.

Anyway, I then went on the classroom, my backpack for provincial return commutes on my shoulders, while my traveling bag of the current week’s dirty school and boarding clothes was gripped by one hand. Along with that blue and black traveling bag and its logo similar to one of the logos of K-Pop boyband Seventeen was a plastic bag containing some pricey chemistry lab equipment bought from a store within the campus, equipment which I bought for my homeschooled younger sister upon my mother’s request because such stuff were cheaper in the city of my university. There were also scattered thoughts in my head, such as thoughts about how my Poetry professor would zigzag yet entertain with her discussion before, during, and after a pair of students did a report on a poetry guide chapter. There were also memories of watching celebrity intrigues – particularly of separated couples and scandalous individuals – being talked about on TV back when I was a child. And then there were the plans regarding upcoming groupworks, and there were the expectations regarding praise from fellow fools on that writing prompt fill I had cut myself off from writing more of before posting it and logging out to keep myself from going late for class any further.

But when I entered the first classroom I had to go to for the day…I found it empty.

That was when I really took note of how the halls had a lack of students sitting down by its walls, how the construction workers and their roadwork didn’t have the chatter of university students and faculty blending into their noise, and how there was a security guard who noticed me looking into an empty classroom, asking me “May klase ba po kayo ngayon, sir?”

That was when I found out that classes were suspended on that day because of a recent typhoon.

And upon the advice of the somewhat uncertain yet pretty polite man with the tight, armed, badged, and embroidered white shirt, I even went through the trouble of asking some faculty at my course’s department to confirm it.

I pretty much let out some awkward laughs and apologies as I was reminded about how I needed to be more attentive of the news.

Still, would it be abnormal if I worried about how the teachers won’t be able to give us students enough of a challenge because of the disrupted schedule?

Breaks and Sudden Changes

I haven’t updated this reflection series by the usual weekly frequency lately, and it’s honestly something that’s been irking me. Furthermore, I considered ending this series because of that.

But now that I think about it, perhaps such breaks and sudden changes are part of the ordinary as well, no? I was thinking about saying that I write better with fiction, and that I only write about extraordinary things, but this sort of writing I’m trying to do tries to draw techniques from writing fiction, and writing about ordinary things would lead to realizations about extraordinary things.

I am uncertain about how I would update this from now on, though. But who am I writing for, anyway? What am I expecting? Am I expecting the world to change greatly and for the better overnight? Am I writing for a large audience expecting me to post something regularly? Really, even though I thought of ending this series by saying that I feel like I’ve been showing off and being hypocritical and such, that attempt at an excuse also sounds like a hypocritical statement now, as I think of myself as an entitled celebrity or something.

I also have more important things to do outside this as well. There’s school, there’s household work, there’s Mass (and in fact, I ended up being really late for Mass because I put more vigilance into working on my previous entry to this series), and so much more. It’s easy to blame society for this being delayed and even ended, but to be fair, this is more of an extracurricular activity, and I can still have conversations about spiritual things with other people outside the Internet.

With how I’m doing now, putting my daily responsibilities at risk for the sake of activities like this, I end up falling deeper into laziness through frustration over inabilities with continuing this, an example of such falling having happened recently, when my mother called me about buying some chemistry equipment for my sister. I know the importance of it, and I understand that said equipment are cheaper in the university store, but I easily became irritated when I stuffed in thoughts about whether or not I have enough money to afford the equipment I needed to buy. And at the time of the phone call, I was working on this entry as well.

Yes, I think I should change up the way I write my next entries for this series. I am not sure about whether or not there would be people who would care to comment on this right now, but regardless, I need to do deeper reflections, and a change of routine here is important, I think.

Indeed, I need to practice what I preach.

So yeah, God Almighty keep on helping us all.

A Certain Weekly Return Commute

It was a Thursday, but the day after it was a Muslim holiday, which also meant a long weekend.

Knowing that, I packed up my dirty clothes into the new traveling bag my maternal grandmother bought for me, a bag which, for convenience, I also brought to the sole class (Professional Writing, taught by a favorite storytelling professor of mine) I had on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Leaving the blue-green bag I used for most school days at the boarding house which I’ve been getting more used to, I also put the stuff I would bring with me to my family’s house into the pink bag I used for such return trips, including a book to read for my leisure in the provincial bus ride part of that expected long ride through the large yet tight roads of Metro Manila.

Though really, yet again, my earphones and the iPod Shuffle it was connected to took most of my leisure attention during said provincial bus ride segment during that day. It wasn’t like the airconditioned bus didn’t have its lights on as the night began covering the sky, nor did I find no fun in finding out more about how local pieces of fiction are doing lately, but I guess I was distracting myself a little too much about what I’ll be doing in the future, thinking about possible music cover projects and fanfiction ideas, stuff that felt easier to do with my favorite music filling my ears…but felt harder to do when I thought about how much stuff I had on my plate already.

Anyway, I still had to keep my attention up for the bus conductor, especially when he started asking for drop-off points, distributing tickets, and collecting fares.

And speaking of paying attention to the bus conductor, I paid him more attention than usual, as he was unable to give me a proper amount of change for a long while. Even if he managed to give me my change by the time the bus had gone past the tollgate to the city where my family and I lived, I don’t think I felt impatience at the level of exploding.

Now that sort of thing makes me think of how much all those long commutes through Metro Manila have made me more reflective. I mean, that time with the conductor wasn’t the first time I had to wait for a very long while for my change, and thinking about it some more now, I guess we’re in the same boat, being people with not enough smaller pieces of money for an easier transaction.

Still, I had more active distractions during that long wait, a wait which took around four hours, a length of time which was longer than the usual one-and-a-half to three hours I went through on one-way trips from my family’s house to my university and vice-versa. That sort of thing reminds me of my dad’s talk about how days like paydays and holidays usually had more traffic, so I guess I should have expected the longer wait, especially since a long weekend was coming.

Now, as for other ways in which I managed to get myself distracted, well, there was the TV, which I looked at while having to look over my shoulder because of how my seat had me facing the back, a part of the unusual seating arrangement of the low-floor bus I was riding. It did make ignoring the TV easier when the show started going boring for me, though. For example, there was a revenge drama at one point, but I did spend some time having my eyes on that, probably because a revenge-centered drama was something I found unusual in Philippine television. Said revenge drama I was watching was showing a confrontation between the deceptive and grudge-holding protagonist woman and the corrupt and crazed politician antagonist man the protagonist was driving crazy, and then there were the presences of the protagonist’s allies interfering with her plans, much to her irritation when they came to rescue her from the crazy politician’s attempts at violating her.

If you find yourself confused by the situation in that show because of my explanation there, well, I guess that’s to be expected from plots involving lots of liars, regardless of whether or not you consider those some of those liars as good people. And to be honest, plots like those are stuff that I want to make fun of through story-writing, because well-intentioned or not, lying is a pitfall that we often fall into.

Also, there was the evening news, but I’ve been paying less attention to news lately, especially when I’m not accompanied by other people who can process the stuff better than I can. Oftentimes, all I want to know are the headlines, as I think that I need to be in the loop somewhat, at least, especially at my age. Still, if it’s interesting enough, then I’ll go deeper past the headline of a news piece. That’s pretty much how I deal with news because most news pieces I encounter are stuff I find particularly draining, and/or stuff that are like hammers driving nails in too much. For example, I find people name-calling other people, and although I can understand why such things would happen and why it would even seem like a good thing, I’ve already found myself tired a lot of times by the hypocrisy of division attempts for the sake of unity, especially since I have noticed myself doing such things before…like those embarrassing comments I left on a bunch of political posts I shared on social media before.

Yes, I thank God very much for having my parents around to help me process such things better…

Oh, and on my commutes, I can’t really use gadgets bigger than my phone, so…yeah, I was also distracting myself with my phone during that Thursday evening. In particular, I was distracting myself with a game there, especially since I couldn’t access the Net much. It was a cat-themed high-score puzzle game, and it’s surprisingly entertaining despite my weak inclination towards high-score games…probably because it’s not fast-paced like infinite runners. That, and it has cats. I like cats very much, you know.

And so, with all those distractions, I managed to endure the pain building up in my rear from all those prolonged hours of sitting until the bus arrived at my stop. At least I hadn’t drank too much water before the trip, or else I would’ve ended up having an awkward time with wet pants again like I did once semesters ago. I had also gotten the proper amount of change from the conductor as well. Then, having enough money to spare and interest in buying some pizza from the recently set-up Papa John’s near where I lived…well, I decided to buy a promo set that consisted of three boxes of pizza, an order I made which ended up requiring me to wait for a shorter yet still considerable while again because of long preparation plus high demand.

Still, the pizza didn’t disappoint. I texted my parents about how I was buying pizza and going to arrive at a later time as well. But at the end of the day, something got me worrying very much, and it wasn’t the whole long commute back home. The problem, well…

I think I’ve been eating too much lately (Again, the pizza didn’t disappoint)…and I need a lot more sleep…which I deprived myself of during that night via extracurricular use of the computer (read: writing a month-end blog post I could’ve written the next day, because hey, months have two ends, and if there’s the end of the month, then there’s the start of the month).

Yup, I still have a long way to go, alright.

God Almighty keep on helping us all.

Filling Free Time

These recently past days have been quite shaking for me. There’s me trying to settle in my boarding house room and doing all those basic care stuff I should know by now, such as bathing twice a day to keep the bad smell away and eating at least three balanced meals and drinking enough water to keep my body up and going along with my breathing. There’s also me having to mash in my school schedule and doing all the required work that would come with it, which has already hit me hard as a starter via complex readings and homework that, surprisingly, are still manageable, especially with the right assistance. And then there’s making friends, keeping in touch with my family, doing Tobby work…things that would be considered “free time stuff.”

So yeah, that reminds me of being told about how vacation is just a change of occupation…and yeah, it makes sense. I think I even despaired when I first heard it? Eh, more laughable me aside, “free time” is pretty much synonymous to “vacation,” making both terms matters that shouldn’t be taken as lightly as we usually do.

Yes, I really agree that vacation is a change of occupation.

Like, really, I have realized how much the darkness can start pulling my strings once I let myself go like a puppet without strings during my free time. Doing that while feeling troubled after discovering sharp bits of info about my first pieces of homework to deal with, along with being surrounded negative vibes floating around like how environmental pollution is nowadays, got me spitting very disturbing words of pride, lust, and wrath…words that I’m not gonna go into very deeper detail about.

Yes, they’re that bad, so please don’t ask about that further…unless you’re someone I consider trustworthy enough.

So yeah, with how tough it can be, we can call it a different brand of work time, therefore turning it into what’s probably the most hated thing of humanity, considering how frequently I encounter complaints regarding work, both online and offline. Even I myself have contributed such complaints, and that sort of thinking really turned my free time into more of a waste of time, leading into moments involving me being some self-righteous, Internet-obsessed dude with quite a lust for power, fame, control, and, of course, sex.

As much as I hate to admit it, I guess I really am not ready to get into a romantic relationship yet, considering the perverted habits I still have and should discuss with trustworthy enough people, like, say, my parents, whom I still foolishly doubt despite their tried and tested dedication for me and the rest of our family all these years of our life together. And hey, talk about pride-induced anxiety and procrastination. Real easy to trick myself with that, too, and then there’s me getting wrecked by things like slow computer processing combined with going for less important matters like immediately acting on my inspiration sparks for my Tobby activities, which I consider extracurricular. A bunch of times, I’ve thought that my parents can’t help me with certain troubling matters I have to deal with, which is understandable when I consider our imperfections, but still stupid because I haven’t even tried to ask for help when they’ve helped me deal with other troubling matters before, such as a bully that kept on bugging me during high school and me having to process a controversial piece of creative nonfiction and a bunch of responses to it for class. One can’t know where the ceiling really is unless it’s felt by the touch, you know. And sure, doing so, can be a pain, but that’s the way it goes. At least I know where it is once I touch it.

And hey, my stupid pride also made me scared about and protesting against my parents correcting me by stopping my bad computer habits via them taking my laptop and phone whenever bedtime comes, something which even I myself requested from them. No wonder they have a hard time dealing with me…

Yup, free time is quite a matter for me lately. It’s been an important point of discussion during my recent Confessions as well, with the priest reminding me about how every minute can be a minute of salvation or a minute of damnation, and I couldn’t help agreeing with him.

See, often, I had been scared of letting go of certain sinful things I’ve been doing during my free time. Some of those things are things I found hard to consider as sinful, making them tougher to remove, like those hard-to-remove stains that stick on the frying pan, either requiring careful removal with dishwashing soap and water if it’s on teflon, or hard scraping with dishwashing soap and water when it’s just uncoated steel. I even thought that they would just stay there forever as unchangeable parts of my life, just a natural part of who I am…but really, who am I kidding?

And now, I’m on a cliff, having to rappel my way down or, more likely, stick to the wall and climb down, having my arms and legs getting scraped by rocks and being strained by prolonged use. That’s also gonna be me during my free time, and if I didn’t know faith, then I would’ve just let myself drop and turn into a big red splat on the very distant ground, also letting myself seep into the depths of damnation because I let myself stay ignorant through claiming that I know better than The Best Writer of All Time a.k.a. God.

And again, I’m talking about free time here. If your butt, the biggest muscle in the body, lost all feeling while you thought about how free time is another heavy load you’ll have to deal with along with work, then don’t worry, ’cause I understand.

Still, we gotta recharge well and get up well. I mean, if we can’t improve, then I wouldn’t be here writing about this and you wouldn’t be here reading this, would we?

So yeah, I gotta think better about what to do with my precious free time, which is precious not because we can cut our moral restraints loose, but because we can reach true happiness better by spending it well along with our work time. With the setup I have now, I can do things like making friends at school with more consistency, and all I need now is to put good will in, with faith, patience, fortitude, and so many other blessings from God boosting it.

I also gotta think about how regular I should keep certain things, like this weekly reflection series, that monthly reflection series I prefer doing during month-ends, uploading writing and music stuff that take a considerable while to work on well, and me going through a bunch of creative content from others for entertainment and/or inspiration’s sake. And speaking of the creative content I choose to go through, that’s another matter I gotta take seriously, as they can influence how I think, even if they’re usually subtle there. There’s also the people I follow online and how often I should check for updates on them, too.

And again, I’m talking about free time here. It’s really easy to take it for granted, you know?

And hey, all this planning I’m talking about sure is easier said than done. For example, it’s easy to get lost into unnecessarily obliging myself to be rigid with an extracurricular activity like this, depriving myself of sleep while thinking that my required workload is that of, say, a celebrity artist or something like that, when I haven’t even proven my worth with smaller things like being more consistent with doing household chores, especially chores which I don’t need to be spoken to and reminded about so much just so that I would do them.

Heh, and I dream of having a happy family of my own while having my level of self-righteousness. I’m still not ready for that yet, alright, and I still got a long way to go until I can really fulfill that dream. I gotta bring my rigidity down and be more flexible, quickly thinking of and switching to more worthwhile things to do when something I’m working on is becoming a waste of time and energy.

But again, it’s easier said than done.

And once again, I’m talking about free time here.

So yeah, God Almighty keep on helping us.

Maintaining the Haven

Yet again, during a Sunday, though on my way to a Mass with my family and the prayer community we’re a part of, the saying “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” suddenly made more sense to me.

Well, I guess there was me also thinking about stuff to write about for my next reflection post. I kinda felt like I was running out of topics, really, especially with my mind spending a little too much time on my comp and on the Net again. Said overspending showed in things like me sneaking in bits of writing for this on my phone’s Notes feature…so yeah, I guess I should give thanks to God for using my phone’s kinda weakened battery to mess with my excessive desires.

Huh, now that makes me think about how laziness can kill motivation. And if you ask me, laziness isn’t doing nothing, but actually being unproductive. Like, really, one can be lazy in terms of sleeping!

But hey, I think I’m going tangential here, though considering what I want to talk about, perhaps I would end up tackling my other habits in life later on in this reflection.

So, cleaning up my room.

See, in my family’s house, I share a room with one of my younger brothers, specifically the one who’s also in college. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been subtly rubbing in his laziness in terms of keeping his stuff in order by trying to clean up for him without also politely telling him to clean his stuff up. I let out a lot of groans when the occasional time comes, times when I sweep out dust bunnies and pick up scattered and even hidden trash in our room. In other usual cases, I just leave his mess alone, just like that, thinking that he should just do everything ’cause he’s being such a messy guy…

And then I remember how there are other things that I can and should clean up, like those pieces of trash within the drawers we rarely clean up…and then there’s me remembering that it’s also my room, and not just my brother’s room.

Yeah, talk about a painful pride crusher.

But really, I gotta learn to clean myself more and more, or else I’d be more susceptible to sickness, and I’d also be stuck dumb with trying to teach others how to be clean. Sure, such a thing is probably not a decisive factor in improving my whole personal life, but a contributing factor still affects stuff, and they should not be underestimated as well.

And hey, the way I treat contributing factors still can say a lot about me, just like how bits of seemingly trivial info in my favorite stories are supposed to show a bigger picture. I guess contributing factors work that way too.

Hm, I seem to have gone on another tangent again, no? Well, whether or not that is case, I still want your honest constructive feedback.

Now, back to talking about cleaning my own room. Specifically, the obstacles in my way towards doing that right. And hey, I’ll try to talk about it like how my favorite stories do.

So, now’s some time for some questions and answers:

Q. The usual obstacles in my way towards actively cleaning my room when I have the time and energy?

A. Going online too much and waiting for cleaners too much.

Q. Why do I let those obstacles get in my way so much?

A. Because I still got a lot of important online work to do, and because there are people who should be doing cleaning instead of me.

Q. Speaking of cleaners, who are those people?

A. In my family’s house, it should be my brother. In my boarding house room, well, there are cleaners who come around from time to time.

Q. But what about the things I don’t want touched? And about my thoughts on my brother, why should he be cleaning the room?

A. For the former, well, fine, I do have to clean my own things up, especially since I know myself best when compared to other people. As for the latter, well, my brother’s a lazy butt who often forgets to bring his dirty plates out of the room and on to the kitchen sink, among other things.

Q. Okay, I guess my first answer is fair enough, but the second…Well, aren’t I forgetting those drawer and closet items which I haven’t been using for so long?

A. Uhh…but most of them are my brother’s.

Q. But I still have some that are mine, right?

A. …Yeah.

Q. And whose room is that again? My brother’s and…?

A. …Mine. But I still have more important work to do! Like with my comp! And online too!

Q. And what’s so important with my computer and online activities that I gotta forego cleaning the room?

A. Uhh…

Q. Come on, what am I gonna say?

A. JUSTICE!

Q. What?

A. A bunch of peeps out there are within reach of my amazing artistic potential, and I would like to develop it by creating and sharing and creating and sharing and…uhh…

Q. And what about that “JUSTICE!” I just screamed? What’s that got to do with this?

A. I GOTTA TEACH THOSE NUTS RIGHT AND BRING JUSTICE!

Q. Can my own self give me a detailed plan for that, then, please? Like, say, including how I’ll properly maintain my mind, body, and soul along the way and not succumb to the poisonous nuttiness that I want to defeat?

A. Uh…Uhh…Okay, you’re sounding just like Mom now, you know.

Q. Yes, it seems so, but aren’t I just trying to run away now at this point?

A. Okay, fine, I suck.

Q. I only suck?

A. Okay, I can improve too, so stop bugging me already!

So yeah, now’s a good time for me to get back to some actually productive work, no?
Also, God Almighty help me again. Sucking at tasks so ordinary, although not exactly a decisive factor, can still be a mark of my spiritual weaknesses. Thinking about that some more as well, I’ve realized that the capital sins that often get in my way lately are pride, lust, and sloth. I think too highly of myself, thinking that I’m way above doing ordinary tasks, even to the point of being a coward and lying to myself about what I can do when it comes to ordinary tasks. I long too much for fame and control, longing to keep on working on my online activities, desperate to get famous and powerful real quick, all while lying to myself that I’m doing things for the good of others. I groan a lot when I need to do chores, especially urgent ones, even blaming my tendency towards rigidity instead of fighting against said rigidity when I’m faced with such sudden things.

And yes, there is such a thing as lying to oneself. I myself still have difficulty with noticing such occurrences within me, and I think that my improved detection on those is pretty much a miracle being caused by God. So yeah, I thank God Almighty so much.

And hey, although I find this kinda awkward to say because of my dumb pride getting in my way when other people ask me to pray for them…well, I ask that you pray for me as well.

So yeah…honest constructive feedback is highly encouraged and will be highly appreciated.

Three-Day Quote Challenge – Day 1

I feel like thanking God as well for this wonderful opportunity. And as for what opportunity I’m talking about, it’s this Three-Day Quote Challenge that I’m in thanks to Medieval Otaku tagging me! Reading his work for this challenge got me motivated into doing for this challenge too! Thanks very much, MediOta! \(^0^)

And now, the rules of this challenge!

1. Post one quotation a day for three days (they can be from other sources or one of your own).
2. Nominate 3 other bloggers to participate per post.
3. Thank the blogger who nominated you.

Now then…

Day 1 Quote

“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” — Don Bosco

From what I remember, this quote is also remembered as “Idleness is the workshop of the devil.” Essentially the same message, so I don’t have a problem with that. Anyway, I don’t like being lazy just because I’m afraid of pissing off those who expect me to work properly. I hate being lazy because sinful thoughts invade my mind with more effort whenever I’m not doing productive things. And if you ask me, laziness isn’t just lying on a bed or something that your body can lie down on while doing nothing else. Laziness can be doing something that you’re not supposed to be doing at a certain time and place too. There’s a time and place for work, and there’s a time and place for rest. Overworking doesn’t make a person productive too.

And to those who think that laziness is a legit way to true happiness…I’d like to say that you people sure are taking unnecessary suffering there. If you need help, you can ask me. I’m not the best helper, but I can still help. And yes, I know that trying to break out of laziness will be a big pain. I’ve been in that irritating pit a lot of times before, you know. Also, I believe in your potential for awesomeness! You can do it, yo! \(^o^)

And now, time to tag some bloggers for this challenge:

1. Melanie Jean Juneau
2. Matthew Burgos
3. J. Hale Turner

See you again in the den, nutshellcrackers! \(^o^)

Hangout at the Best of Anime 2015 Convention!

Before this day came, I found myself more willing to go the hangout I went to today because of, well, God, basically. With His help, I found a lot of worthwhile stuff in today’s hangout and thought of good things to do in the future. Bad habits are going to be broken, and good habits are going to be built. The road will be a very difficult one, but I can improve, especially with God’s help. Praise the Lord, and God Almighty help us all!

Now then, I should talk about the fun hangout that I had today!

This is the first convention I attended, I think. Also, I’m not very surprised by situations like this anymore. 🙂

Sharp Axe Bob and I, The Overlord Bear, went to the Best of Anime 2015 convention at the SMX Convention Center in SM Mall of Asia. I was invited by Wacks, a friend of mine, and I decided to accept the invitation. I told Bob about it, and he decided to go too. The two of us informed Mom and Dad too, and I guess I should be thanking them for giving us the chance to have fun in that event too! Thanks very much, Mom and Dad!

So, at the convention, I was with Bob, my friends–Wacks, Gabby, Francis–and Bryan (currently at acquaintance level; also, I feel awkward while calling you an acquaintance, Bryan, hahaha). Bob and I arrived first, at about one to two hours before opening time (10am), followed by Gabby, and then by the other three. We spent a considerable amount of time standing and walking in line, and I started to feel my legs getting challenged. I don’t think I complained at that time, though. I was surprisingly chill as we waited in line, bought our tickets, and waited for the crowd in front of us to advance.

And this Chiyo Sakura keychain/bag tag/whatever-thing-argh-what-is-this-meant-to-be is the first thing that I bought at the convention!

A crowd of people was already gathering when we entered, and we started looking at the open booths there. Obviously, there were a lot anime-and-manga stuff and related stuff being sold. There were a lot of things that I didn’t consider worthwhile, but hey hey, I found worthwhile stuff that I bought and did! For example, that item in the photo above!

And now, say hello to the freaking relatable teenage celebrity, Momo Kisaragi!

Also, there was one thing that I wanted but couldn’t buy: a Shintarou jacket. You know, the red jacket that Shintarou Kisaragi wears.

Look to the right, and you’ll see a Shintarou jacket that costs P950. Freaking nuts. I didn’t have enough money for that while I was there, yo.

But hey hey, I guess I can properly get it (and with a big enough size, I guess, ’cause that one doesn’t seem like it would fit me, hahaha!) some other time. Also, I should prepare myself more for work. I’m gonna have to get a proper job in the future.

Oh, and I got this too!

A commissioned sketch of Chihiro Fujisaki, done by Ate Camille! Thanks very much, Ate Camille! \(^o^)

And hey, there was also a booth (one run by a group called AniZone, I think?) where visitors can play some video games. Playable there were Osu!, Dengeki Bunko Fighting Climax, and Project Diva F 2nd! I played a lot of Project Diva F 2nd, and after a round of practice, I managed to get a prize from a raffle after playing (since I had to finish at least one song on Hard difficulty, and hey, even if I didn’t satisfactorily clear them, I finished three songs!), and I managed to listen to some of my favorite VOCALOID songs (like “Nisoku Hokou,” “Kagerou Daze,” and “Karakuri Pierrot”) while I played! While I waited for my second play, though, I also chatted with one of the people working for that booth! We chatted about VOCALOID and music and some other related stuff, I didn’t feel very awkward, and hey, I think me managing to have such a conversation with someone without a lot of awkwardness is impressive! Give a pat to your back, Tobby! Freaking nuts! Your social skills are improving!

Here’s the prize I got from the raffle after clearing that Hard mode challenge in playing Project Diva F 2nd! A Kyouko Kirigiri pin!

And speaking of improving social skills, I managed to approach some cosplayers–ones who are cosplaying characters from series that I’m very interested in–and ask for permission to take photos with them without much help from my companions! I felt awkwardness, yes, but hey, I think I can say that I have improved!

Now then, here are the photos with me and them cosplayers!

I took a picture with Kuroha and lived to tell the tale (hahaha)

I think a scream was threatening to break out of me for a variety of reasons (one reason being the desire to fanboy, hahaha) while I held the camera here.

Trust me and my P3 knowledge–that is not a gun, but an Evoker. It’s shaped like a gun, and it works to cause trauma, leading the user to summon their Persona with the help of a bunch of other magical things in it. And yes, I guess that description still sounds terrifying.

Seto isn’t getting a lot of screentime again, huh?

And as for socializing, I shouldn’t forget my companions! Gabby’s still a pretty chill guy, even when I was complaining a lot because of my tired legs (I’m sorry for the noisy complaints too, Gabby!). Wacks, well, he still has that laziness and loudly coarse attitude and sense of humor. I think I can see more of his street smarts too behind all that coarseness, though. And hey, I guess he’d be vocal about it if he didn’t want me hanging out with him, no?

Ah, and Francis and Bryan. Among my companions, they’re in the bottom of my “Most Interacted With” list, but they’re chill people, I think, even if certain interests of ours aren’t the same. Oh, and speaking of same and different opinions, even though I still like the Kagerou Project, I think we do calmly agree that its story’s presentation isn’t very great in stuff other than its music (although I’d still read the light novels and manga, ’cause I’ve got more patience for the series)…and that the TV version of Mekakucity Actors’s act09 opening animation is a substandard piece of work. KagePro’s performance also inspires me to make something that surpasses it. You still won’t be forgotten, KagePro and its production crew!

Oh, and I shouldn’t forget that thing that I need to do for a certain thing that Francis and I are working on…

And wait, better not forget Sharp Axe Bob! I think we’ve been getting closer as we interacted during the day! Well, we talked about some parts of our lives. Like school. And he seemed to be aiming to take pictures of and with cute female cosplayers while in the convention. Hahaha…well…I guess I just made this awkward…?

Anyway, yeah, it was a freaking fun day! I saw improvements in myself! Even if I didn’t spend a lot of time being together with all of my companions while in the con, and even if Gabby, Bob, and I left the con first (at around 3pm, and then we went to the Manila International Book Fair area ’cause Gabby needed to buy a book there), I found lots of fun, and I guess my companions found lots of fun too, even if we weren’t loaded with lots of money, and even if I found myself really annoyed at my tired legs during the later parts of the hangout. I think certain companions of mine enjoyed certain musical performances in the convention as well…

From right to left: Me, Francis, Bryan, Bob, Wacks, and Gabby.

Now, I’d like to thank my companions at the con very much for hanging out with me! Thanks very much, Wacks, Gabby, Francis, Bryan, and Bob! You have helped Tobby improve! I hope that I have helped you improve too, dear companions!

Well, now that that’s done, time to get some rest, and then get back to doing chores and work and other important stuff! And again, I’d like to praise the Lord, and I’d like to ask God Almighty to help us all as well!

And hey, see you again in the den, nutshellcrackers! \(^o^)

Operation: Kill Tobby’s Social Internet-Sightedness, Phase 1

This morning, my dad told me off for using the computer without asking for his permission and for using it very early in the morning, especially when I haven’t gotten enough sleep. When my dad told me off and asked for my laptop, I felt really annoyed. It’s like my stomach was slowly twisting and turning itself into knots, causing pits in it to appear in the process.

I guess that’s how I end up feeling when I find a lot of friends in the Internet and not much in face-to-face interactions outside the Internet. In the outside world, the worthwhile people seem to be non-existent. I think “hard to find” would be a better term for them, but it’s not like I have enough willpower to try to find one in the outside world when I have homework and so many other responsibilities to deal with. I do find it important to be in the outside world; after all, I have dreams that need to be fulfilled that require doing that.

But life has taught me that I need a trustworthy companion to keep me in line everyday. Indeed, self-reliance is important for it can make work more efficient, but that does not mean that relying on other people is unimportant. Self-reliant people don’t reach a sufficient level of self-reliance by themselves, you know. Trustworthy companions are important, alright. I love my family, I greatly appreciate my friends, I don’t like underestimating acquaintances and colleagues, I like teachers and superiors who do their job well, I don’t mind getting married to the girl who’s right for me someday as well, and I don’t like hating any person’s existence.

There’s something that I’d like to say, though.

If only I had some interesting companions nearby everyday. Not just in the Internet, but outside the electronic sea as well. Thing is, I’m socially Internet-sighted. You remember the second paragraph? That feeling where worthwhile companions seem non-existent in the world outside the Internet while the Internet seems to have all the worthwhile companions? You can call that social Internet-sightedness. It’s probably not in the dictionary, so just remember near-sightedness and far-sightedness and I guess you’ll understand what I mean.

So yeah, I think I’m like that right now. And I think it’s definitely a problem, even though some stupid part of me thinks that it’s okay for me to live with it. I got dreams that require social interaction outside being in front of computer, stupid side! Freaking sticks, go kill yourself already, stupid side…

Anyway, I’m socially Internet-sighted, and it’s a problem for someone like me. I’m not a loner, but someone who’s mostly introverted and really selective of who I hang around with. As I’ve said, I know of the importance of having trustworthy companions, such as friends and family, but the social Internet-sightedness is getting in the way. My recent daily life has been filled with me feeling like no one outside the Internet would care much about all the stuff I’m interested in, which are mostly things that I had discovered through the Internet. A lot of the stuff I’m interested in seem to be things that most people outside the Internet wouldn’t care much about. And then there’s people being greatly held by stupidity (not like the Internet doesn’t have people like that), and I guess can say that they’re a major contributing factor in the worsening of my social Internet-sightedness. It’s not like I’ve completely lost faith in humanity, though. The current social condition in my environment outside the Net is just too much for someone like me, someone who hates big loads of annoying stuff in my senses a lot.

With the worsening of my social Internet-sightedness, I have a higher risk of having Internet addiction (Wait, I think I already have some level of that in me, ugh…), and I’d probably end up a sad and stupid wreck by the time I go lazy NEET shut-in or something similar because of it. If I do end up being that sort of wreck, I think it’ll be maintained by me doing some seemingly rational but actually deceptive and irrational self-justification that would ruin all of freaking humanity, followed by humanity doing mass suicide or something gruesome like that.

I do not want to become the leader of something like Ultimate Despair, damn it. I WANT TO BECOME A SERVANT-LEADER FOR SOMETHING LIKE THE FUTURE FOUNDATION!

…*sigh*…I wish at least my family would try to know a lot about the stuff that I like, such as KagePro. And Dangan Ronpa. And Let’s Players and video games. And so much more that you’d be really likely to stop reading this post by the time you completely read the full list. That way, I guess hanging around my family in our household would be less boring, and I’d probably be more motivated in following their orders if they did some hilarious reference that would end in one or more of us family members going hammy (but not neighbor-annoyingly hammy) and then doing some proper stuff like household chores so energetically. Like, I think it would be fun if my family seemed like the main cast of some light, inspirational, and friendly family and slice-of-life comedy.

It looks like I need to lure them into my world. Not the stupid and perverted Internet addict world; that dumb world can go implode on itself right now. I gotta freaking make the good stuff that I discovered in the Internet into fuel for living life outside the Internet even more better! YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

But how to do that, though? Let’s think, Tobby.

I tend to go into interactions with people when they like talking about things I like or when we need to talk for stuff like school and work, and if they don’t seem interested, I won’t bother so much with talking to them. Thing is, with that approach of mine in social interaction, schoolwork and other sorts of work have gotten more boring. Like, is there no really no way to make the work that we’ll be doing entertaining without violating someone? I need to freaking go by a different but still good approach.

Now, we need to do some concrete moves if we want to get more worthwhile companions, Tobby. As of now, trying to find friends in the outside world is like trying to do the Aussie walk in rappelling (which is, in my mind, currently a rappelling method of the world of nightmares), and right now, the Internet seems like the best way to get more of those potential outside world friends to approach me more, so what I do need to do?

Get someone to share your works and the stuff that you like, Tobby. Be more persistent (don’t be rude, though) with getting people to check and share your stuff out. People who would probably be the least annoyed when you increase your persistence would be your parents and that one close friend of yours who lives in the neighboring city, who we shall call Shirokage for now. Oh, and maybe that one classmate of yours as well. But still, you gotta step into the courage zone. Keep on trying to properly convince people to check out your work, give honest feedback on them, and share it to their social circles in the Internet! And don’t forget to do your best with making your work, Tobby! You gotta do your part, you know!

And I think trying to get Mom and Dad into some of your interests while trying to get into some of theirs would be great as well! Maybe they could have some more entertaining and inspirational days knowing about KagePro with them, and maybe you’d even have entertaining and inspirational days doing their favorite physical exercises and sports with them! Get into their interesting hobbies, and try to show them that your hobbies can be worth some of their time! With that, I think both sides would find more effective ways to convince each other to do good things. Like, I think we can use KagePro characters to inspire each other to do something good, like, “Remember Momo?” or one of us sings Otsukimi Recital or something like that. I guess your days would be less boring if you got them in your hobbies, and I guess their days would be less boring if they found your hobbies worthwhile.

So yeah, start with your parents. Or your second and third siblings. Or the people near you that you can talk to about your hobbies and their details comfortably. Once you succeed, I think you’ll gain more confidence, especially with those people surely backing you up in living life properly even more!

And eventually, if you do it right, that social Internet-sightedness of yours will be vaporized, and we’ll all be happy and dance in fields of harmless flowers as we see that disease get murdered by our rays of friendship and goodness. It’s going to be beautiful…

Now, get to work, Tobby! Makoto Naegi, Madoka Kaname, and Ayano Tateyama surely believe in you! GO, YOU FREAKING CRAZY BEAR! GO AND BE THAT MORALLY UPRIGHT AND FRIENDSHIP-LOVING HUMAN WHO CLAIMS THAT HE’S A BEAR IN THE INTERNET BECAUSE HE ALSO WANTS TO BE MORE APPROACHABLE!

Operation: Kill Tobby’s Social Internet-Sightedness, Phase 1, begin!

Planning and Rehabilitation with Tobby the Creative Writer

So, Tobby, you’ve gotten yourself in a bad situation involving Net addiction, failing subjects, bad time management, increased social awkwardness, and a strained parents-and-child relationship. Well, before we go thinking about how to deal with these issues, let me tell you something.

You managed to survive several years of bullying during grade school, you managed to report a bully properly during high school, you properly passed your basic education years, you managed to properly pass the University of the Philippines College Admission Test, you managed to keep up a blog for a personal-record-breaking one year, you can wash dishes, sweep and mop floors, feed cats and dogs, clean up your room, water plants, make people laugh, and you even have a freaking real person who’s a fan of your mostly Japanese song covers! Oh, and you’ve made some precious friendships that are still standing today. Don’t forget that.

Think of looking at that previous paragraph like it was your necessary review of your stats in a strategy role-playing game. Think of it as not just a look at your weakness, but a look at your strengths. You may not be good at everything, but you’re good at something, and that thing where you’re good at can help others be happy. Oh, and you have more than one thing that you’re good at. It may not be amazing to everyone, this skillset of yours, but someone’s definitely gonna find it amazing.

Now, let’s talk about one thing that you’ll need to learn: household chores. No, you won’t be losing Net time permanently, you crazy bear. You’ll definitely need to use the Internet sometime, considering your social skills in the outside world and what sort of work you want to do in the future, but you gotta remember basic needs. Don’t do household chores just because Mom and Dad said so, but because you have basic needs that should be fulfilled during everyday life.

And now, the thing in the way of you learning about doing the adequate amount of household chores…I think it’s your Net addiction. No, I told you that you won’t be permanently stopped from swimming in the Internet, Tobby. You need balance, crazy bear. Since it seems like your inhibitions go out the window and shatter into a million dysfunctional pieces whenever you get your hands on a computer/smartphone/tablet and a powerful enough Internet connection while no one important is watching over your time management, you should try using it when people like Mom and Dad are around. Or maybe you could go use it when they’re not around, after you do chores. But maybe the former idea seems like a better idea. Remember how tough it is for you when no one important is watching over you? Well, I think you should just talk with them about one of your parents timing your usage after doing the usual chores and studying or during your free time. And try timing your Internet usage by yourself as well…scratch that…for now, I think you should try having someone in your family watch over you and your computer usage time.

As for Internet usage, please reduce your fanfic reading and video watching. Yeah, they’re entertaining, but you’ve got important stuff to do, and some of the fanfics and videos that you check out aren’t really worthwhile for your brain in the long run. Remember how headache-inducing one of the fanfics that you’ve been reading is? Yeah, what a reminder about how much and what sort of action and complicated stuff your mind can take. Also, some videos that you watch, specifically Let’s Plays and stuff like skits and music videos, maybe you could make doing that more worthwhile by watching it with someone like a family member or a friend. Sure, maybe it can be uncomfortable at times, but you gotta remember that your fellow viewers can have different opinions, and that there are reasons behind why they have those opinions. Don’t worry, because there will certainly be someone who will like what you like. And you should try explaining why you like what you like. And as for song covers that you like watching, maybe you could go have them playing while you’re doing chores so you don’t waste time locked up somewhere like your room, checking out how someone’s singing sounds.

Oh, and remember your song covers and all that art stuff and writing stuff? Share them to your Facebook friends. Share them to the Internet. Make them properly and make them worthwhile for your audience. Kill their boredom while uplifting their souls! Remember not to spend too much time on making and sharing those stuff, though. You got basic needs that you need to fulfill in everyday life, you know!

Ah, and school. Yeesh, the state of your academic affairs reminds me of Hibiya Amamiya being smashed by a truck. Or the Mekakushi Dan while facing the Wide-Awake Snake personally. In other words, your performance in school is a wreck. Your absences in classes seem to be reaching a point where you’ll fail because of going over the absence limit. Well, if you can still attend some classes, do what you can. Learn what you can while you prepare to transfer to the Open University. I feel like you’ve been undertrusting your professors and classmates. You seem to be like Marry Kozakura while being in despair because of the Wide-Awake Snake’s cold murderous rampage, both unaware of Ayano and Shintarou’s saving presences. Take it step-by-step, Tobby. If you fail this semester despite doing what you can do, then try again in the next semester. Any rage involving reimbursements to be paid back because of failure in the semester is understandable, but should not drag you down from trying to be better.

By the way, don’t stop blogging. Don’t stop your work here in the Net. Don’t stop writing those pieces of fiction in your mind that are waiting to be developed. Remember, you need balance. You need enough. You can hang out with your precious friends and make more precious friendships here in the Net, but remember that you have needs that involve being outside of the electronic blue sea. You can do well, Tobby. Kill boredom while uplifting souls. Do your best, have fun, keep calm, look at the bright side, and friendship for the win.

Don’t Let Laziness Mess You Up, Tobby!

Now, I just need some help (READ: A LOT OF HELP) in keeping my messed-up but still salvageable brain together. The bombs have been messing it up a lot lately, you know.