Remember how I tried to express last month that I felt like Odysseus around the Sirens as I look for fun in dumb things like unhealthy sexual fantasies while asking folks to roast me for it if they don’t like it? I mean, imagine having yourself tied up so you can hear some deadly sea monster ladies’ songs that make them seem pretty while your crewmates see how ugly they actually are while they have their ears plugged. Seems genius, but only for the moment, and hindsight has it look pretty dumb. Having loyal companions won’t even justify that, and the only thing I’d call remotely awesome there would be those companions’ loyalty to this garbage that I am even at my active worst.
Now, I mention Odysseus and the Sirens again because I very recently found myself with a clearer chance to accomplish an item in my very short bucket list, an item which involves releasing a certain piece of written art for my fellow fools to read, and I’m now really feeling how cocky I am with how I’ve been trying to preempt my perceived cancellation attempts against me. We can also call it feeling the weight of the responsibility of this work I’ve been wanting to do for so long. But as horrible as it makes me feel, I’m glad it’s here to remind me about what I really want to do with my life.
So yeah, this past month’s mainly been me trying to at least pay a bit more attention to how I’m stewing in my own insecurities, especially as a man and and an artist. Those attempts came in the form of playing through more of Fire Emblem Engage on Maddening Classic, trying to further keep up with Blue Archive, tuning into holo VTubers some more, feeling more of the pressure of rooming with both my grandma and my youngest brother in my immediate family’s house, and accompanying my sister in looking after some relatives’ house while they’re out of the country, all while I’ve been doing some work for the following months’ stuff I’d like to post about on this blog. And I somehow managed to upload three VTuber clips while at my relatives’ house. Also, my day job’s company has been giving me and some other colleagues some very worthwhile training that I think would go well with my voice acting interests and skills. And I took the JLPT on N5. And I forgot to mention this last month, but I went to a convention last month with my sister, and I wanted to mention that because this past month had me going to another with a friend, with this recent con visit being followed by a restaurant hangout with two more friends right after on the same day. And I haven’t been out to cons and hanging out with my friends in person for so long. I guess I did have some sort of fun break, then.
And now, I find myself missing doing work on this blog and having the urge to live on my own some more. Somehow even got me cutting down on some frivolous plans I’ve piled up lately. I think my usual slowness about things helped there, too. But there are more decent plans I feel like I might have to drop and am denial about needing to drop, especially plans that have been in progress for years already. I guess that’s where my usual slowness about things would come to help again, then? Who knows, I might stay slow as I try to get back to posting here bit by bit, or I might end up being more prolific. Whatever happens, I’d like to have more fun solitude, which also means pushing myself to handle myself better as a working adult. And hey, next month will be this blog and handle’s 10-year anniversary. Talk about the timing for these developments. It’s both exciting and scary. Exciting because I’ve gone this far, scary because I’m a pretty rigid guy. May God further challenge and guide me and my spontaneity alongside my structure.
And again, I’d like to ask for honest constructive feedback.
The Overlord Bear's Den 