a BanG Dream! fanfiction by The Overlord Bear
Summary: Chisato Shirasagi felt more lucky than skilled. It hurt her pride, but she had come to appreciate it more lately.
It was an open secret: Chisato Shirasagi was a jaded girl. Nobody could be that consistently prim and proper in public appearances for such a prolonged period of stardom, and the girl herself knew that as well.
Still, she could’ve been worse, but nobody – not even her longtime friends Kaoru and Kanon – needed to know how worse. They had their own troubles to deal with, and Chisato was someone who knew how people could hold grudges over the slightest demand, whether kids or adults or whatever.
i wish chi-chan would act like herself in a movie or some drama more
that ain’t acting anymore idiot
well she acts in real life too so she gotta NOT act somewhere else right? i bet she still hates maya-chan too fuhehe
pasupare has gone a long way…while chichi’s still stuck in the pastelfails era lol
thats too much tho hahaha but yeah i see where ya comin from
then again who cares about the bass
i do you idiots! thats why i feel like shes the only pretender left in pasupare!
they prolly just keep her arond to be polite like she did when she first met them
all this talk cause of maya-chan acting glum again huh
nah its an everyday issue cause a sad pasupare can only be caused by a hater or by chichi lmao
Even Chisato herself had learned how to hold such grudges very well. No-name peanut galleries were a particular given in her occupation, and she could shake them off with her confidence, unless, of course, they struck her where she couldn’t use that well.
Sometimes, she wondered if she should’ve bothered to grow closer with Pastel*Palettes in the first place. She had enough clout to cause a disbandment before they could’ve debuted. She could’ve pointed out how Eve was a model and how stage performances beyond runway work required a different set of skills. She could’ve tattled on a certain Student Disciplinary Committee member about her sister’s audition and casting. She could’ve insisted on Maya performing with her glasses on. She could’ve outright bullied Aya out of the industry. But she didn’t, and when she considered doing at least one of those, it was already too late for a sufficiently quiet breakdown.
Still, the envy stung. Chisato knew that she played a great part in keeping Pastel*Palettes up and upper, but she sometimes doubted how well her bandmates thought of her. Before, it was because she didn’t think them worthy of being celebrities, but now, it was the other way around, all because it was too good to be true.
“Oh, Chisato-chan! Sorry, your friends aren’t on shift today, so – ”
“Of what relevance is that?”
“Hey, no malice there, y’know? Just saying ’cause you look less…radiant when your friends aren’t around. So, may I take your order?”
And indeed, she hated being pitied. It was also embarrassing for her to think that she could even consider wishing to be more like Kaoru with her shield of ridiculousness.
And speaking of friends outside her own band, Chisato’s envy worsened around the Girls Band Party. She stuck out even more like a sore thumb within them, and not even Arisa’s more vocal expressions of annoyance helped Chisato be more open about herself. Even Kanon was enviable, as the usually shy girl was becoming more and more able to handle herself around people like that trio of more ridiculous peers in her band.
“I hear that you have quite a colorful circle of friends, Chisato-chan! Though to be honest, you seem to be a bit too good for them…”
“You know, let’s be frank, dear: Your friends are bound to cause a scandal any second now, don’t you think?”
Their agency may have done some questionable things, but again, it could’ve been worse. Still, they weren’t completely protected from danger. Eve was a hyperactive half. Maya was an insecure nerd. Hina had the social skills of a professional extraterrestrial. Aya was just lucky to be famous with her own awkwardness. And then there were the miracles that were their indie band friends, who looked so happy about themselves. Perhaps the creative control they had allowed even a more serious band like Roselia to keep going with some sort of idealism, but even then, reality would have to hit harder eventually and see how dedicated they were to their ideals.
Meanwhile, Chisato knew she had skills, but fame made them seem little to her. There was always something to improve, always something to criticize, always something to hate…
“I sometimes wish you were with us instead of Hina-chan, Sayo-san.”
“You will have to put me through heavy humiliation before that happens, Shirasagi-san. Though I think I can understand what you are trying to convey.”
“Really, now? Then again, you are more…temperamental…for lack of a better word to think of right now.”
“I see. Perhaps I am. I do not think I can be as prim and proper as you are, but I can see a fire within you as well.”
“For example, I tried to excel in the guitar in the first place to escape Hina’s shadow. Now I play the guitar not only to prove that I myself am good at something only I can do, but also because I know it can keep me bound to the people who would help me accomplish that not matter what.”
“And your point is?”
“What about you, Shirasagi-san? What is that fire of yours for? Why do you play with Pastel*Palettes? Why do you keep on associating – no, bonding with people like my sister when you are very much aware of how much trouble they can give you?”
Chisato pondered upon those questions for some days. The answer seemed easy at first: “It is already too late for me to back out.” But it felt cheap, and it irritated her. That, and if a scandal could happen anytime, she could try to save her own hide and throw the rest under the bus anytime, too.
“I have to watch over those fools, or it will reflect badly on me.” Even that irritated her. She and her friends were already known as quirky novelties, and all that was left to wait for was the time when their luck would run out and the public would move on to the next big thing.
“I just want to have faith for once.”
“Huh, did you say something, Chisato-chan?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, Aya-chan. Now come on, from the top.”
But why have faith? A great disaster was bound to strike them eventually, and Chisato feared that she wouldn’t be able to maintain that mask she always wore anymore.
At those thoughts, Chisato held back a laugh, maintaining it as some odd smile she hoped nobody saw while she practiced with her band. Either way, she suddenly felt like Kaoru, and she remembered why they were still friends despite the distance that wedged between them through the years.
They both feared being completely honest. Honesty was just an evil thing to them. Why could the truth even set one free if it also caused pain? Why could others be truthful without experiencing much pain, while others did?
Then again, even the best had to struggle at some point in their lives. So why did she envy her friends? They still found happiness, and they might lose it, but they could still get it again, right?
“Are you crying, Chisato-chan? Have a hug!”
“Wow, I don’t remember seeing Chisato-chan cry outside acting!”
“Uhm, Hina-chan, I think we need to give her a hug or something…”
“Oh man, I think I’m crying too!”
So what if she was lucky? It’s not like others couldn’t get at least a taste of that. So why not appreciate it when it was good?
“Thank you so much, everyone…”
Some people might call this Chisato Shirasagi selfish. But those people were fools, and so she and her friends would help them have a break and some better luck. They would burn those fools in purifying flames.
And then Chisato added laughter to her crying, earning puzzled but still caring looks from her bandmates. What she said next also amplified that.
“Maybe I should try auditioning for a magical evil queen role sometime…”
Author’s Note: And now, Bandori stuff with some added seriousness. I think the premise of Pastel*Palettes has quite the potential, too, you know? It’s part of why they’re my favorite band in Garupa, especially in terms of writing. And I haven’t even gone through all of their scenes and stories in the game and the anime yet!
As for more specific stuff about how this particular fanfic came about…well, there’s also the whole two-faced character thing, hahaha~