One Man’s Trash
a Persona 4 fanfiction by The Overlord Bear
Summary: Fate may have screwed Tohru Adachi over some more as he moved to Inaba, but it also helped him find two close companions along the way: a goofy bear dude thing and an edgy wannabe poet girl.
WARNING: ALL-OUT SPOILERS AND CRAZY CANON DEVIATION UP AHEAD!
“Are you seriously assigning this dumbass transfer to a hot topic figure?”
That question from Tohru Adachi’s new senior and partner, Ryotaro Dojima, killed any chances at getting back at controversial broadcaster Mayumi Yamano. It was an irritating shock, but it was also a fascinating relief. Tohru had been expecting himself to be surrounded by even stupider idiots, but it seemed like things weren’t as bad as he thought.
Still, shadowing such a naggy gruff man managed to take a toll on his newly moved ass. It led Tohru to go a bit crazier as he went for another visit to the local Junes, sticking his hand into a widescreen TV in the electronics section with his newfound power and waiting for some random passerby to suddenly spot him and run away screaming.
A bigger surprise did happen, but different: Not only were his dipped fingers bitten, the rest of his body was also dragged into the pool-like portal.
“Are you the one who’s been dropping these green things?”
Ominously obscuring fog, probably embedded chalk, cheap circus mascot? Definitely creepy, but…
“Hey! Don’t take off my head!”
There was nothing inside the cheap circus mascot.
Not even sticking his head into its open depths provided Tohru anything. Just sheer emptiness…that was more entertaining than the usual.
“Alright, can you give me a tour of this place or something?” Tohru asked after that. “You and this place are the most interesting things I’ve seen in Nowheresville so far, you know.”
“Humans aren’t supposed to be here!” the Circus Pooh yelled as he fidgeted with the zipper holding his head in place.
“Well, in the world where I came from, I probably barely qualify as a human being,” Tohru replied. “So you don’t need to worry about me in, uh…dangerous situations.” He wasn’t completely sure about whether he was the danger or the endangered yet.
“If you’re so sure about that…then alright,” the bear thing gave in. “But there’s nothing much here! There’s just fog and Shadows…”
Tohru grinned. Something was also roaring from within him.
“Then why don’t we make some fun things out of all that nothing?”
“I am thou, thou art I…”
“I am the master of this place! Bow down to your new ruler!”
Once, there was nothing. But Tohru had quite an imagination, and as soon as he thought it, a wrecked version of the town he was transferred to manifested all around him and his new buddy. There were some circus freak punks, but his newfound power – Persona, with this particular being he possessed named Magatsu-Izanagi – allowed him to dispose of them. It went by so easily, he also decided to slice more of them one by one, piece by piece.
“And I thought you’d rush to protect your friends over here,” Tohru commented to his own circus freak punk. “But you’re just an outcast like me, huh?”
“Huh?” the thing blinked wide and shuddered. “W-What do you mean?”
“Wha?” Tohru raised an eyebrow, scratching his head with the butt of his revolver. “Aren’t you a Shadow yourself?”
“I’m not a Shadow!”
“So you say…but you are already aware of the truth.”
That last one wasn’t Tohru. That was also the circus freak bear thing…but with yellow eyes and a dark aura.
“Hey, it’s another you!” Tohru beamed and pointed. “I guess even you agree with me!”
“You are nothing,” the thing’s other self continued. “The sole thing you can do with the truth is to turn away and live in blissful ignorance of it.”
“Huh?” Tohru’s brows furrowed. “That sounds lame. Why waste your time pretending when you can still create something despite all that nothing? Hell, you even made yourself some humanity and shit! You mind if you teach me about that?”
“What?” the bear Shadow gasped. “I…I made myself…human…?”
“Geez, like you’re any different from us!” the bored detective yelled. “A lot of people out there would even kill to have a supernatural but still human friend like you!”
“I made myself human!” the empty bear jumped. “I may be empty, but I managed to become human! Now, I wonder if I can get a beary beautiful body just by doing sit-ups…”
“But the rest of the world will still think otherwise…” said the horrible bear punner’s other self as it vanished probably because of the learned bliss overpowering it.
Tohru looked up and smiled. He was probably getting luckier than he deserved, but he didn’t care.
“What’s your name, Teddy Bear?” the motivated detective asked the human Shadow in the middle of his sit-ups.
“Teddie!” the Shadow squeaked out in between reps. “Teddie!”
“Huh, sounds ordinary…but whatever,” Tohru shrugged. “That’s all that we gotta be in the real world, after all. And my name’s Tohru Adachi. Do tell me when you’re done, too. I still need to go back to work in the world where I came from, and you’re the only one here who knows how to get us out of here.”
“Roger! That! Now! Quiet!”
Guy was a bit rude, but at least he wasn’t as boring as most of the people Tohru had to deal with everyday.
So the bored detective got himself a new friend. Good, right?
“Now I’m just missing a pretty girl to score with…”
“Score? What? Is? That?”
Tohru’s eyes gleamed as he grinned.
“I’ll tell you when you’re done with those sit-ups,” the detective answered as he lied down beside his entertaining new friend. “I’ll even cheer you on with some sit-ups of my own here!”
Later on, Tohru laughed out loud and rubbed his hands when he saw the results of Teddie’s sit-ups.
“Hey there, good madam~ Won’t you give cute mascot boy Teddie here some free samples for his energy?”
“Oh, sure you can! Take as much as you want, dear! Though I’ll have to apologize for holding back…I have a husband and children, you see…”
That saleslady’s blush and giggle confirmed it: Tohru Adachi had created a horror beyond his league, a horror that drained not only his time, money, and energy, but also his chances with women.
In hindsight, Teddie had talent, and in this world, talent meant everything. Tohru realized that he probably went so crazy in that other world that he forgot that trying to get girls through a guy more handsome than him was a dumb idea. After all, the best a talentless guy could do to get gold and all those precious metals and minerals was to scrape through the dirt with his own two hands. And Tohru had no talent as far as women were concerned.
“Stop flirting, Dumb Ted!” the Junes manager’s kid yelled again, dragging the blonde and blue-eyed bastard away by the ear. Tohru saluted the kid for restraining that lethal talent. “Sorry for the trouble, Adachi-san!
“Don’t worry, kid!” the detective called back. “You’re doing great work!”
As Tohru waited for Teddie to finish up after another day of boring traffic control, he looked around for cute girls.
“Sorry again, Adachi-san, but I’m so tired right now…”
Hanamura sat down beside Tohru at the food court, right as the detective’s sights were set on that Konishi girl. Didn’t this kid like that girl, too, though? Definitely annoying, but maybe relatable and even manageable. Small town girls certainly had quite a charm to city boys, and that girl looked like the type who’d rely a lot on older men, which meant that Tohru had some surprising talent outdoing Hanamura’s. But before that…
“Same here,” Tohru went along with Hanamura’s line of thought. “Traffic control’s real boring. All the self-righteous drivers have to be so sudden…The same goes over here with customers, yeah?”
“I think I get what you mean, Adachi-san,” the kid agreed, face on the table. “And they say that being the manager’s kid is easy…”
Tohru didn’t know a nice thing to say other than that placeholder response. The kid was on that high a spot, making all his put-downs to himself seem condescending to Tohru.
“Hey, can you teach me how to pick up girls?” Hanamura suddenly asked.
“Huh? You’re asking me? I’m not that interesting a guy.”
“But Dumb Ted told me you taught him, and look at him!” the kid flung an arm out behind him. “I’m pretty sure you’re way better, considering how you can hold yourself back about it.”
Now that made Tohru laugh with cold sweat. He had forgotten to bug Teddie enough about not crediting him for the pickup lessons.
“That’s quite a confusing poem!” the Devil suddenly went, smiling at this pretty girl who soon sputtered at him. “How about this? Uh, uh…’Roses are red/Violets are blue/Teddie’s got both/So have me in you!'”
Silence came upon the whole food court. All eyes were on Teddie.
“Wait, did I just do what Toh-Toh calls a ‘pickup line?'” And Teddie just had to look at Tohru. “Look, Toh-Toh! I did it! I made a pickup line for a girl!” Facing back to the girl again… “And I’m sure you’re really pretty without all that trashy fashion you’re wearing!”
One slap. Two slaps. And some kicks to the balls.
Tohru was thankful for the silent grace period that preceded the townspeople’s distant whispers and Dojima’s point-blank roaring.
“You’re scaring me, Toh-Toh!”
“Well, this is your fault, you stupid bear! Consider yourself lucky that you haven’t pissed me off enough to kill you yet! Now help me out here before I do try to kill you!”
Thus, after several days of consecutive restraints (read: work + infamy), Tohru decided to take advantage of his newfound ability to empty a room, dragging a slacking Teddie out of a massage chair in the electronics department of Junes for another dive into the TV World.
At the moment, they were facing a giant gunpla Shadow. Were Teddie and his Kamui without healing, buffing, and escape skills, Tohru would’ve killed the bear Shadow boy and then maybe himself already.
And while this particular gunpla Shadow had its limbs and head cut off already, Tohru was just riding his high from retaliating after taking several heavy hits. He would still end up with some tiredness even with the healing, but at least he wasn’t gonna die so soon.
“I’m sorry, Toh-Toh…”
“Just shut up and let me rest, you stupid bear Shadow…I’ll be okay, if that’s what you’re worried about…Go get your rest, too, or I’ll…I’ll kill you or something…”
As much as he hated to admit it, Tohru was starting to feel like he did care for Teddie. Maybe the dumbass Shadow could be irritating, especially with how everyone loved the blonde and blue-eyed bastard and turned the generic and perverted detective into the scapegoat, but Teddie was loyal as much as he was naive.
Tohru felt a bit bad for being some sort of bully, then. But did that even matter? They cared about each other, they shared joy and misery together, and they stuck with each other no matter how much they screwed each other over. In short, they were friends.
“Thanks…for being my friend…I hope I’m the same to you, too…”
“Friend…? I’m…Toh-Toh’s friend…?”
“Dumbass…you’re the best friend a worthless guy like me could ever ask for…like that bear from America…”
“I’m Toh-Toh’s best friend!? I’m Toh-Toh’s best friend!”
“Ah, don’t belly-flop on me! Are you trying to kiss me!? Don’t fucking ruin my innocence, you stupid BEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!”
Tohru also introduced Teddie to a strip club that night. Of course, it was also a newsworthy disaster that had them banned from the place.
“Oh, it’s you two wannabe geishas.”
Some days after the strip club incident, Tohru and Teddie decided to go for another stroll in the TV World. But as they approached their portal to it, someone stood in front of that part of the Junes electronics department: that girl who helped break out the two idiot boys’ infamy into the public consciousness of Inaba, causing a persisting wave of disturbed and disturbing gossip among Midnight Channel viewers who discovered images of those two nuts on their screens.
But Tohru was in a more or less okay mood at the moment. And he noticed what Teddie mentioned back then: She’d probably look real hot without all that trashy fashion. Maybe picking her up would be a good alternative for a TV World stroll!
“If you swing that way, then hey, don’t mind if I do dress up again for you~” the infamous Inaba detective tried to smooth in with a wink, much like how he taught his fellow idiot. “Unless you want Teddie-chan here instead? I’ll allow that if you allow me to record you two, though.”
“I don’t know if you know, but I’ve seen you entering this TV and wandering the world within it.”
Teddie gasped. Tohru just froze.
Fortunately, his brain’s reboot left him with some sense. “Are you crazy? You must be smoking something. We’re just regular humans here. Nothing special.”
“Yeah!” Teddie nodded. “We’re perfectly human!”
“So says the Shadow,” the girl sneered, “And so says the scumbag Persona user.”
Silence once again.
Tohru raised a hand to the girl’s collar.
“Well, aren’t you an uppity bitch,” the detective growled as he shoved the girl into the TV.
“Toh-Toh!” the Shadow managed his voice back. “Are you trying to kill her!?”
“Not really…I guess…” Tohru replied, making his fists, shoulders, and neck crackle. “I just hate noisy girls. I’m sure you know what I mean, right, Teddie? She even looked down on you for being a Shadow as well!”
“Well, I don’t think killing people is good, especially when we can be good friends!” Teddie shot back. “We just need her to be nicer! I’m sure she can be nicer! We don’t need to kill her!”
Tohru gave some thought to that, but it didn’t really take much time.
“You’re right,” the detective said, “There are punishments worse than death, after all.”
“That’s not what I mean, Toh-Toh! Ugh! I’m gonna save her myself! I’ll fight you if you get in my way! Rawr!”
And the Shadow with an ego dived after that stupid girl. Tohru realized that he shut Teddie down into further idiocy, which should’ve been satisfying, but somehow, he felt really bad about it. Not even trying to consider blaming all those brats and coots the stupid Shadow had to hang out with during his job hours made it any better.
Considering the consequences of leaving Teddie and that dumb broad alone, Tohru only found noisy Dojima, menial labor, and lonely insanity.
“Damn it, I’m going soft…” the guilty detective grumbled as he followed his best friend and his possible love interest.
And then he got zapped real hard, leaving him groaning with Teddie beside him.
“Don’t come near me!” he also heard the girl shout. “I’m one of the rulers of this world, and if you dare to oppose me, then I’ll – ”
“Kill them? Yes, that is how it goes. And at the same time, you shall kill yourself too.”
“Ah, this is like what you went through before, isn’t it, Teddie?” Tohru asked as he and Teddie got up from their lightning-induced daze. “You know her?”
“I don’t know her, Toh-Toh…” Teddie replied. “I didn’t even know that she had such power! And I’m sure that there’s a lot more to find out! Still, facing one’s Shadow takes a lot out of a person, so let’s save her, Toh-Toh, or I’ll maul you beary badly!”
“Then let’s let them talk first, Teddie,” Tohru fixed his legs and placed a hand on Teddie’s shoulder as they sat on the floor. “We gotta understand who this girl is some more.”
“Toys,” the girl’s Shadow continued. “That is what humans are. That is what great beings like you are. You are engaged in mutually abusive and deceptive play, pleasuring and torturing each other at the same time. As much as you wish to destroy these vermin, you also wish for them to ravish you, no?”
“Wait, ‘ravish?'” Tohru’s eyes glinted.
“Toh-Toh?” Teddie looked with worry.
“Huh?” the girl lowered her arms a bit as she turned to her Shadow. “What are you talking about?”
“You keep on denying your true nature,” her Shadow continued, “Slacking off and calling it ‘righteousness,’ yet expressing loathing for it and wishing to be someone mindless instead. Why do you even question what is right and what is wrong when you can make all that by yourself?”
“Ooh, she sounds like my type of girl…” Tohru’s smile grew.
“Toh-Toh…” Teddie frowned with a paw upon his best friend.
“Shut up,” the distressed girl growled.
“That is why you have been bothering all those poor lowly insects with your poems and rants, right? You are just afraid of admitting that you would allow them to force your legs open and have their way with you whenever and wherever, just for reassurance that you are doing your job right. Oh, if only it were so hard!“
“Okay, definitely my type of girl!” Tohru jumped up.
“Toh-Toh!” Teddie slapped his best friend.
“Shut up!” the girl shouted, hands over her ears now.
“Better to leave this world with an unbelievable overload of pleasurable company from monstrous strangers than to just disappear as a lonely and suicidal girl abandoned by everyone she cared about, yes? A goddess should earn such recognition, at least. Just remember that the easy one isn’t you, but those fools…”
The atmosphere smelled and weighed of thick piles of iron. The girl also fell over.
“This…is new…” was what Tohru could only say at the moment, and then there was an explosion of darkness.
“Her Shadow’s gone berserk!” Teddie stated the obvious. “We’re gonna have to beat it!”
“Roger that, Teddie Bear!” Tohru replied with a mock salute before pulling out his revolver.
And then they saw the girl’s Shadow raise her skirt up while transforming to reveal…a mess of tree root tentacle things?
The perverted detective wolf-whistled.
“Looks like an ex had a lot of root canal, eh?” Tohru also quipped, earning a glare from Teddie. “Okay, not like your bear puns are any better. Now go, Magatsu-Izanagi!”
They also whacked each other along the way, but the two best friends managed to beat the mysterious girl’s Shadow.
“Okay, Missy,” Tohru turned back to the girl, “I’m gonna have to apologize for that outburst a while ago. I’m just really touchy about people judging me and everyone else I care about, which is pretty much this thing beside me so far. But enough about me, ’cause this is about you, who you’re bound to kill along with us two boys here if you’re gonna keep on denying your own crappy and/or kinky shit. Oh, and what’s your name? We never asked for your name before. More apologies for that, then~”
And then Tohru and Teddie got kicks to the balls again.
“Shut up, you dicks,” the girl said as she passed the two boys by.”I’m Kusumi-no-Okami, Izanami-no-Mikoto, bleh, blah, whatever, I should know how this works.”
“I guess I’m damn horny and lonely and confused right now,” the goddess continued, “But I’m not gonna let myself be that loose, not when I can fix these idiots who bothered to notice me at the very least. It sounds stupid, but…that’s all me, alright.”
The goddess’s Shadow self glowed and transformed into a different figure, and then into a card that went back inside her.
“Kaguya, huh…? Heh…I definitely have…high…standards…”
The two idiot boys caught their new female friend as she fainted. Tohru grinned, while Teddie gritted.
“To make up for that one time, Toh-Toh, you can have her,” Teddie also said, “But I won’t let you be mean to her!”
Tohru’s eyes glowed with glee. “Really?”
Teddie groaned and ran back with the goddess to the pile of red TVs, a thirsty Tohru chasing after them.
In the end, Teddie had to knock Tohru out while the goddess was recovering.
“Mariko Kusumi. Is that ordinary enough for you jerks?”
“What? Sorry, I was watching this Risette commercial. I still can’t believe that she’s just starting high school…”
“Toh-Toh, you’re not allowed to score with such youthful girls, especially at your age! You should just leave her to me, especially since you say that idols like her are definitely way more mature than me!”
Tohru knocked his best friend on his bloated back, turning off the TV as he also turned to the goddess they were caring for. “Eh, sure, whatever, Marie-chan. So, got a kiss for this handsome devil here?”
“Eh? I thought she was all yours, Toh-Toh? Ow!”
“Ugh, I’m stuck with you creeps…” Marie-chan facepalmed. “It’s also a miracle that none of you molested me while I was unconscious…”
“Oh, I prefer doing that to a girl when she’s fully awake and aware,” Tohru corrected with a smile. “Makes victory all the sweeter. Now, why don’t you let Dad – GUH!”
“Try anything, and I’ll choke you with my mind.”
The restrained detective still smiled as he gave a thumbs-up to Marie-chan. Maybe she was crazy, but she was interesting enough for an all-out pursuit and conquest.
To be exact about it, and with words Tohru didn’t plan on uttering to his ultimate crush at the moment: A magical man needed a magical bitch.
“What the hell is this?”
“I warned you, yet you asked for it, Adashit.”
“Mm, this is powering me up, Emmy-chan! But it tastes awful!”
Though his magical bitch was also a magical kitchen destroyer. When Tohru asked her to cook for him after one frustrating day at work, he didn’t expect her to make a Shadow. And she called herself a goddess!
“I’m not the goddess of domestic work, you garbage heap!” Marie yelled with a thrown ladle. “And at least Teddie appreciates my efforts!”
“Oh, Emmy-chan, you’re so sweet!” Teddie blushed. “But I’m sorry, you already belong to Toh-Toh…GACK!”
“You know, Teddie,” the psycho psychic choker girl replied with a smile, “You can be quite fun to look at when you’re as flat as a pancake.”
“Hey, nice to see my wife again!” the trolling detective waved. “AGH!”
“And you just shut up and go fuck yourself, Adashit!” Marie howled.
And then the two idiot boys were thrown to the couch, which was tipped over again. Marie then marched back to Tohru’s room, which she had conquered. The detective would’ve tried to give her a good beating, but he had no plans to abandon normal human housing at the moment.
“Toh-Toh, you should be nicer to Emmy-chan,” Teddie bugged him again. “And I know I don’t know how to be nicer to your one true love, so why not ask your partner, Dojima-san? He’s a good daddy, so maybe he can help you be nicer to Emmy-chan! And I really wanna see Nana-chan again!”
“Alright, you stupid bastard playboy bear Shadow thing…” Tohru groaned, finding himself with nothing better to do now.
“So you’re living in with the new weather girl, and she totally hates your guts…because of you being a big piece of sh – I mean, crap. A big piece of crap.”
“Adachi-san’s dating the weather lady? And they’re fighting? Is that why she’s been looking so sad and making so much rain lately? I hope she makes the weather sunny again…”
Tohru was certain that at least the adults of Inaba knew about how upstart weather reporter Mariko Kusumi was staying in his apartment. He was also certain that they hadn’t made the news yet because of how scary they could be and how quiet they were being. If anything, it was just Teddie pulling in attention, and he wasn’t causing too much trouble recently.
“Are you even listening, Adachi?” Dojima-san sighed. “That girl still probably has so much faith in you if she managed to take over your room for yourself yet still lets you into the rest of your own house.”
“So Emmy-chan and I are thinking the same way! Hooray!” Teddie exclaimed, with Nanako-chan echoing the mascot of her favorite department store.
“I’m also betting that she’s one of those women who stay with their stupid men because they think they got nowhere else to go,” Dojima-san continued, “So treat her right, Adachi, or I’ll be bugging her to file a case on you.”
Tohru looked down, contemplating while holding back the urge to choke his partner for threatening him like that. Marie was his and his alone, and no one was going to make him try to kill her too.
But as much as Dojima-san’s threat pissed Tohru off, the senior guy probably got something right. Maybe Marie did have some faith in her cynically perverted housemate. Maybe she’d say something nice if he did make a habit out of being nice to her. But…
“…what if she’s creeped out by me trying to be nice?” Tohru opened up, feeling something he had refused to admit so much before: fear.
“Just be nice and believe that she can be nice to you, Adachi. That’s how…well, that’s part of how Chisato and I made up after a fight.” Dojima-san ran a hand through his hair as he sighed again, Nanako-chan’s eyes now on him, too. “I do believe that you can be nice, too, you know? I guess I have to thank Teddie here for that. You have a really good friend, and I can see that he’s been rubbing off on you.”
“Wait, really?” Teddie went hug missile on Dojima-san. “Thank you so much, Dojima-san! I knew I’ve been helping Toh-Toh!”
“And no wonder Teddie’s the Junes mascot!” Nanako-chan smiled along. “Everyday’s great at your Junes~”
Tohru chuckled, especially at his seemingly impossible best friend. “Heh, why not? I’ll have a nice talk with Marie, then.”
Suddenly, the front door opened.
“I’m back,” announced one Yu Narukami, who stopped with his six strange friends as they entered the living room. “Oh, it’s Adachi.”
And Tohru made sure that he and Teddie refused to have dinner at the Dojima residence that night. Dojima-san and Nanako-chan may become more welcoming to the two idiot boys, but those brats were more hot-headed than they expected with their crazy sense of justice.
“Stay outside for now, Teddie.”
Smiling at his saluting best friend, Tohru knocked on his apartment’s door, which was answered by Marie, even with a peephole installed.
“What do you want?” she asked as she kept the door half-open, glare and chain hanging by the opening.
“I…I just wanna say sorry…and have a talk,” Tohru told her, feeling a bit twitchy as he also tried to maintain eye contact.
“Easy for you to say,” she replied, and then she shut the door…only for a sliding sound to follow before the door opened again. “But I’ll listen. Now get back here and sit beside me on the couch.”
Entering the house, Tohru found crumpled paper balls all over the place. This was another common occurrence, but he could work with that, especially with how edgy he could also be.
“So what do you want to talk about?” Marie asked as they sat, a bit of distance between each other as they stared at an unpowered television. “What’s your apology now?”
“Well…” Tohru began, “I’m sorry for…well, thinking of you…and pretty much women in general…as bitches and whores.”
“You sound like you still do.”
“Just let me talk, okay!?” Tohru yelled, but he kept his fists pressed on his thighs. “Sure, maybe I still do…but even if you yourself were just like them, you’re still way better than them.”
“So, trying to keep your magical bitch via flattery, huh?”
“Then why are you even staying with a dumbass like me!? You could just leave and fuck this whole world up or something! You know that already, right!? But you don’t! What am I supposed to think, then?”
And then he got another somewhat electrified slap to the face.
“How many times do I have to drive this reminder into your thick skull: I. Promised. Remember?” she told him with a glare.
“Wait, what promise?” Tohru asked, head tilted to the side. “That sounds like some cheesy romance shit!”
“Geez, alright, fine, maybe I did screw up about fixing you,” Marie facepalmed. “Again.”
“Well, of course you’d screw up with how violent you are! But damn it, I’ll put up with you! I guess even a girl can be as nice as Teddie, and he’s a giant mess of social awkwardness!”
“Thanks, Toh-Toh!” went Teddie’s muffled but still bright voice. “You’re such a nice tsundere!”
“Shut up, you dumb bear!” Tohru raised a fist, lowering it when he faced Marie again. “So yeah, I guess I love you. As a friend, at least. Dunno if you’d bother to fuck someone like me, but I can let you have my room while I sleep on this couch for eternity.”
And then Tohru got pulled by the collar, straight into a very deep kiss.
“I’d bother,” Marie grinned as she pulled back a bit. “But on one condition: Let me call you MY bitch. I am a goddess, after all.”
“Shit, did your Shadow take over you…?” Tohru slurred as he was pinned down. “Oh wait, you already accepted it.” Then he smirked, even as he felt something rising below. “But are you bold enough to have us do it while Teddie’s watching?”
And the formally confirmed couple looked at the door, which was half-open once again, the eye of a Shadow watching with a patch of red underneath.
“Is this…Am I going to bear witness to a beary divine force of nature!?” Teddie’s eyes swirled out.
“So, want some Teddie pancakes?” Tohru asked with a grin.
“Oh, it’s bear season, alright,” Marie agreed.
Thus went the 100% Wild Weather Girl and the High School Skirt Dick’s Inaba-wide Chase for the Adorably Perverted Junes Mascot.
“So you wish to go against our life’s purpose?”
Sometime during the chase for Teddie, the trio took it to the TV World, where they stumbled upon a mysterious area filled with red and black squares over bluish white sheets. At the end of it all, they found a pale woman in white with gray hair and red eyes.
“Oh, Izanami-no-Okami,” Marie put a hand on her hip. “Sorry, I forgot about you and my other aspects.”
“What other aspects?” went a confused Tohru. “I only see you two.”
“Something’s coming!” Teddie shouted, unleashing his Persona, which had evolved into Kamui-Moshiri. “I’ll take care of this! Kamui Miracle!”
And then land got smashed while Tohru, Teddie, and the Izanami aspects fell over.
“I’ll take a Splash next time, thank you very much!” Tohru yelled.
“Do the phrases ‘party-crashing’ and ‘making it rain’ also apply here?” Marie asked.
“Insolent fools,” a deep and warped voice boomed. “You dare oppose the guides of humanity?” The dust clouds then revealed a giant eyeball with black and neon colors floating in the water.
“Do you even know where we’re supposed to go, Ameno-sagiri?” the Izanami on Tohru’s team boomed back, heat rising and light flashing around her. “Have you even seen how dumb Kunino-sagiri looks?”
A scratchy giggle was the answer to that. It also came from a red thing floating in the air with love and peace signs.
Tohru didn’t hold back his laughter at the manifestations of Izanami’s horrible creation sense, but still… “Once Mommy gets herself back together again, Daddy’s gonna give her the time of her life!”
“Tohru!” Marie shouted.
“If you have Izanagi, and I’m Izanami, then don’t you owe me a big one?”
Tohru put the muzzle of his revolver underneath his chin…and scratched it, which then lit an imaginary light bulb.
“As long as it’s you, a dick is fine, too!” he shouted back at Marie.
And then Izanami-no-Mikoto was whole again in a zap or multiple. She and Tohru also assigned Teddie to be their private wedding minister. They also wasted no time in consummating their (sorta re)marriage.
All this was also broadcasted through the Midnight Channel in Inaba. As usual, its viewers were very confused and disturbed by it, so much that they chose to pretend that it never happened.
Author’s Note: [insert Hiimdaisy’s Izanagi intro here]
So, two empty boys with surprising popularity and one edgy goddess nobody asked for. I’d have made a rant about them, but this wonderful thing suddenly happened.
Also, if there’s a fellow fanfiction writer I should be shouting out to here, it’s probably Penthepoet. That peep’s fascinating take on Adachi’s been giving me even more motivation, see.