Tempus Fugit

Tempus Fugit

a hololive fanfiction by The Overlord Bear

beta-read by Adri Mars

Summary: Four men forming a heroes’ guild, stumped about what to call themselves, call upon a Warden for guidance, and she who calls herself Perfection answers.

A silver-haired and vest-suited man raised his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Let it be remembered that I warned you, Altare,” the silver-haired man told a blue-haired one, who was reading an old book the former one had reluctantly lent. “The Wardens are not called such for nothing. We are their prisoners, not their citizens. Are you sure you want to call upon one just for us to figure out a name for our guild? Not that I don’t trust your power, but we could be, you know, more practical about things?”

“It’s just a little luxury, Vesper,” Altare replied to the silver-haired man. “Maybe they ask for a lot in return, but we could be spending more. And I think I can convince a Warden to safely support us with just that much at least.”

“Besides, Axel and I are here to screw it up,” added a white man in purple as he scribbled up a summoning circle on the floor with his cloak of extra arms. “Isn’t it a more human thing to rage against the heavens as much as we rage against hell?”

“Man, you guys talk with all these big words,” a fiery blonde man in black with orange accents complained as he scratched the top of his head from the sofa he was lying on. “I just wanna see if we can really get a hot chick from up high for us to be friends with.”

“Dezmond, I can see slipping out of divine retribution even with all the odds against him,” Vesper turned to the fiery blonde. “But you, Axel, are the likeliest to die first here. Don’t pretend that you’re going to give a goddess some googly eyes just to be friends with her.”

“Don’t be like that, Vesper,” Altare still gave that unbelievably calm smile of his. “You should know better than us that even deities can be pretty haughty, right? We just tell them what they want to hear while we lead them for just this one little thing. And I think Axel might even have me beat in negotiating with people.”

“Yeah, I can work up a crowd and beat any bozos real good!” Axel gave a grin and a thumbs-up, earning sighs from Dezmond and Vesper. “I can even do that with just my voice!”

“You’re lucky that voice of yours saved our money from that stupid lottery fail,” Dezmond grumbled. “Lot of smarter ways to get some hotties, too, brother.”

“You know what, I’ll just hide myself in the background and pretend that nothing is happening beyond my little bubble of overthinking,” Vesper walked away to a table by a tall bookshelf, and on that table was a red-covered novel. “Now excuse me while I indulge in my completely fictional and therefore safe childhood crush’s adventures.”

Altare shrugged at that, then turned to Dezmond, who was putting a clay cube inside a metal sphere frame. “Looks like it’s time for me to make the call, then.”

“If we end up summoning that nephilim woman, then let me step forward for my Copium R&D, mmkay?” Dezmond asked as he stood up and walked past Altare, using a cloak arm to give a few taps on the blue-haired man’s gray jacket.

“Not if I keep you from the harassing the poor woman first, Magni,” Axel gave Dezmond a look before turning back to Altare, who was clearing his throat and doing some of those quirky vocalizations again.

Silently reading the scripture copy he had in hand after those vocalizations, Altare grinned a rare wide one. Then he held that back again, took a deep breath, and then…

“Ugh…What timing, eh?”

Sitting in a grand residence with outer walls surrounded by nebulous cosmic energy beyond the average mage’s reach was Kronii Ouro, the blue and voluptuous Warden of Time, fidgeting all alone at the Warden Council’s round table. On one hand, she was glad that the her friends didn’t disturb her beauty sleep. On the other, she just had to wake up at a time when all her friends decided to go out to who knows where in the vastness of the worlds.

“I hope they take home a grand feast of sandwiches for me,” she uttered with her usually flat tone and another forced smile. “Particularly the one with the meatballs. Or else I’ll shove – ”

“I’m afraid you can’t do that, Kronii.”

“Oh my perfection!” Kronii yelped, falling off her chair and, once again, getting even more easily exposed. “What in the worlds, Bae!?”

This was because Baelz Hakos, the humanoid rat of red known as the Warden of Chaos, was back at the Warden Council’s Domain, hanging upside down in the air again. And speaking of red, Bae happened to have bright hand marks of that color on her exposed skin.

Kronii couldn’t help guffawing at that sight.

Now sporting the flat look, Bae pulled something out of her chest’s hyperspace and threw it to Kronii before walking off to her room. “Boros is ringing, you stupid clock. Now excuse me while I restore my ego from getting turned into Fauna and IRyS’s slapping bag!”

What Kronii caught was her hissing and shaking and reddening white snake with a blue ribbon, his mouth also gaping open. Then the Time Warden gave her pet snake a firm shake, leaving him still with just the open mouth and the glowing eyes.

Then a booming voice came out of the frozen Boros.

O mighty guardians of the worlds, this lowly entity calls upon you. It is beyond my place to ask for even just a fragment of your presence, but if you would honor my plea, then you shall be repaid as you wish.”

Someone was using the Warden Council summoning prayer from the scriptures left behind by Mumei Nanashi, the brown and owlish Warden of Civilization, and they seemed to be someone closer to the owl lady’s kind, especially judging from how Boros glowed red instead of the usual white.

Still, Kronii shrugged.

“Eh, I guess I’m bored enough.”

Then the Time Warden opened and entered a portal according to the information the alarmed Boros stored in his mind.

“How long is your voice gonna bounce around the walls, Altare?” a seated Axel whined as his leader’s prayer to the Wardens rang over and over, summoning circle already glowing. “We can’t even get out of our hall!”

“Yup, we’re gonna die,” Vesper casually stated as he turned another page on the red-covered novel he was reading. “At least I won’t be the first.”

“Yeah, this sure is giving me more reason to treat the gods like a joke,” Dezmond agreed while playing himself a rough tune with multiple instruments using his multiple arms. “Their response time to service calls is just too slow.”

“Good things come to those who wait, guys,” Altare responded, and then he blinked in realization. “Wait, that’s it! We should be called – ”

Suddenly, an explosive force blew across the room. The summoning circle Dezmond drew, from glowing upon the floor, rose into the air and turned into a swirl of energy, one containing and showing the wild energy of the cosmos allowing room for faster travel.

And from that portal descended a feminine figure emphasized by a blue darker than Altare’s. Dangerous amounts of skin on her tall and curvy figure peeked out of her clothes that stood out with their layers of half-covers upon her skin. Blades that seemed like ornate clock hands were in her hands. And a minimalist clock floated and turned behind her head.

The first to speak at that was Axel, who had already gotten up from the tipped-over sofa.

“Whoa, that’s one perfect 10 out of 10 of a lady!”

“Talk about a meathead…” Vesper creaked out from under the fallen tall bookshelf he failed to fly far over.

“I don’t wanna be a meatbag!” Dezmond screamed from underneath his tangled cloak and instruments.

“Seems like we got the real deal here,” Altare remarked as he stood unscathed and calm. After a little dusting on himself, he looked and bowed at the divine woman giving them narrowed eyes. “It is an honor to be graced by your presence, O Warden. But I would like to apologize on behalf of our forming guild, for I have already figured out what I wanted to ask your guidance for in the first place.”

“What the hell, Altare!?” Dezmond yelled as he rolled around in a manner that was certainly not like the conveniently speedy creature he wished to be. “I know you’re super shady, but are you trying to get us killed on a whim or what?”

“And I thought Axel was the dumbest here…” Vesper started crying.

“Yeah, this is on you, Leader,” Axel saluted with empty eyes.

“You there,” the woman suddenly spoke, focused on Axel now. “Dog.”

“Me?” Axel pointed at himself for confirmation.

“Yes, you,” she confirmed. “Did you call me perfect?”

“Uh, yeah?” Axel replied, and then he beamed. “We cool now, then?”

“Your body’s mine,” she said with a smile.

“Ayo?” the blonde’s jaw dropped as he blushed.

“For possession, I mean,” the goddess emphasized after the world fizzled a bit.

“Oh, okay!” the blonde nodded brightly. “Wait, possession?”

“Now, allow me to introduce myself, you who prayed to the Council of Wardens,” the goddess spread her arms out at her sides as she spoke with a drawling alto. “I am Kronii Ouro, Warden of Time.” Then she turned to Altare, only to find him right behind her. “Perfection…Herself.”

“Oh, awesome, I’m Altare Regis, Leader of Guild Tempus, which I wanted to name with your help, Lady Kronii,” Altare replied with his continued composure, spreading an arm to his guildmates behind Kronii. “I came up with the guild name just now, though perhaps your approaching presence inspired me?”

“Sheesh, what a sucky little save there, Altare,” Dezmond commented as he calmed down enough to start disconnecting himself from his cloak, which was left behind him for now as the tangle that it was, all for him to stand back up. “Also, I’m the great Dezmond Magni, genius alchemist renowned for the invention and production of the substance I named Copium. Nice clock, by the way. Also, hey, what a cute snake! It’s even got a little blue – EEK!”

“And that is Boros Ouro, my perfect pet snake!” Kronii hurried out of her grin that showed off her fangs, while Dezmond flailed and ran around in a muffled screaming panic, his head trapped within the terrifyingly enlarged mouth of Boros. “You just called for a guild name, Mr. Regis? And you called your group Tempus just as I answered your call? Sounds like even I don’t know all of my Perfection! Not the first time it’s happened, though!”

“Little help here, please!” Vesper yelled in the background, and after another fizzle of the world, the bookshelf above him got slashed off of his body. “MY BOOKS!”

Then Time Warden saw the guild leader right beside her.

“I guess I’ll take my leave now,” she said with a twitching eye, and with another fizzle of the world, Dezmond stumbled onto a bookshelf fragment, now free of the snake that had covered his head. And as the alchemist cried in a mix of distress and relief, Kronii stepped back into a portal she made behind her, eyes still locked with the guild leader’s, who was standing very close in front of her, even taking steps along with hers, only stopping when she stepped inside the portal.

And that left the creepily following guild leader with one dumbly staring man and two loudly wailing men.

Altare decided to play a victory fanfare with his kazoo at that, even getting a delighted Axel singing and dancing along. And somehow, their other guildmates’ crying harmonized with all that.

Meanwhile, in the leader’s mind…

We’ll see who’s truly perfect soon, Warden of Time.”

Bae’s face was still flat with irritation when she walked back to the round table, where she found Kronii laughing out loud and Boros curling up tightly.

“That sure was a close call!” the Time Warden wheezed, and upon closer inspection, she was pale and sweaty. “But it’s been a while since Perfection Herself got a real freaking challenge!”

“Right, I forgot about that,” the Chaos Warden raised her palms up as she resisted the shudders that her fellow goddess was causing her. Then she flipped around to get Boros and flee Kronii, and along the way, she shouted:

“Kronii’s getting a little wacky again!”

And Bae waited it out in the vast expanse of Sana Tsukumo’s domain.

Unfortunately, that also led to Fauna Ceres and IRyS finding their slapping bag again.

Author’s Note: Because Kronii and Tempus have a camaraderie so good, I can’t believe their official lores also line up very well.


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